A family that is healing

by Liz
(USA)

This was my second marriage and after a very bad first one that did not last I was determined that this one work. I have two older children from a very early relationship, and have two children with my second husband of 8 years.

I won't go through all of the details of the prior relationships except to say, I never put God at the head of my family or had Him in our lives. Both prior relationships ended badly, the first was not a blessed union because we were not married, but there was emotional and physical abuse. Other woman, which led me to start using drugs, because of the drugs I let this man take my children and my life and destroy the strong person that I had always been.

God brought me through that and I eventually left and did take my children although, they carry a lot of emotional scars that I can't ever completely heal.

I married a man that I did not love and wanted someone who would be there so I would not have to be alone. I never loved him or really had anything other than fondness for him, I kept pushing until he went away, I was devastated not because he left but because I was alone. He left without word and i was unprepared, but again God was there.

I married a second time, this one was just as broken as I was and we were both convinced we would never find anyone that would tolerate us. We had a very rough 7 years, we became best friends and for the first time, I was truly in love with someone, we had two beautiful children and unfortunately, have suffered 3 miscarriages while attempting to add to our family, but if its God's will it will happen when he is ready.

My husband is Bi-Polar and has a myriad of other medical illnesses, the road has been very hard due to his illness and on my part by not really understanding, we made it through infidelities, money problems you name it, but last year was especially hard.

He left emotionally and started a relationship with another woman, I had been very blessed to finally find a career that made us comfortable, but in pursuing my career, I lost focus of my family and put them on the back burner. I never saw my family falling apart, I did not notice until it was almost too late.

We tried everything, we fought, argued and it was affecting all of my children, until one night, I was home alone working, he had left and was not coming home until the following day, my kids were also gone for the evening. I had been racking my brain as to weather I should pack up my children and leave. I had found a home to rent in another state and I had a Uhaul on standby. I was ready to leave.

But, instead, I dropped to my knees and just gave everything over to God. That night I picked up my bible and i fell to my knees and I just prayed, and when I was done, I realized that the one thing that I did not have in my family was God. I was doing all of the things to make "it" work, but there was no place for God. I never even gave that a second thought and I had a revelation.

Through all the years and the tears I had never let God in. It changed me and in turn changed all of us, I won't say a year later things are perfect, but I will say that God is at the head of my table and he will stay there always.

The last year was as hard as the others but it is getting better and we are healing. It is a slow process but I look forward to every day to see what the Lord has in store for us. I have put my career on the back burner and focused on my family first. My husband and my children are second only to God. We still have a long way to go, this journey will be long, but the bigger the storms the more beautiful the rainbows.

I love the Lord and I love that he is in my life, I will never take what I have for granted again. Life is precious and we are not promised another day so I am making the most of what we have everyday. This is not as eloquent as some of the testimonies, I am sure, but it is from my heart and I want to shout from the rooftops about how the Lord has blessed our lives.