All is right now

by Nicki Steinkamp
(Hannibal, Mo)

To make a long story short. I was married at 16, yeah, thats right 16. I had my first born son at 18. When he was 2 months old I learned that I pregnat again. Another son born in Dec of 1996. He was premature born at 32 weeks. When he was 6 weeks old he came down with meingits and passed away 1 week before he was 2 months old. I was crushed and in a huge state of depression. I couldnt even take care of my other child. Thank the Lord for my mother in law at that time. We had another son in 1998. I was way to young to handle these pressures, let alone I was not attending church are right with the Lord. We divorced. I started drinking on end and not seeing my sons when I was able. I was usually drunk coming up with excuses. Then I met my 2nd husband. We married in 2000. Had a beautiful baby girl. Every other weekend I would have my boys, and my whole family would be complete, But I wasnt right with the Lord. We divorced in 2006. I drank so much that my daughter started to stop asking about mommy. It broke my heart when my x husband called me to tell me this. He was trying to make me realize how much I was hurting her and that he couldnt fix it he needed me. I started seeing her here and there, still with alot of excuses. I didnt care much. Then my first husband approched me asking me if I would give the boys up for adoption to his new wife. I was probably drunk then to because I agreed to it. Years passed I didnt see the boys any more and my daughter would come when it was convient for me. I met my current husband in 2006. We married after 8 months of dating. He considers himself a chiristin but does not lead a chrisitan life. Remember, I was not leading a christian life when I married him either. Time passed and things were the same, no boys, and if I wasnt to drunk and hungover, my daughter would come on my weekends. About 8 months ago I went to a church and I knew during that service that I needed to get right with the Lord. I felt it in every part of my body. But that only lasted so long. I was happy for awhile but then I fell off the wagon so to say. During this time I am happy to say that I quite drinking so much and I have not missed 1 weekend with my daughter in alost 1 1/2 years. I even ask for extra time which praise the Lord my x husband is willing to grant as much as he can.
I grew up Lutheran and I went to about 2 confirmation classes. My mom started into drugs and that point and stopped taking me. Awhile back I found a Lutheran church on the internet so I decided to take a visit. I packed myslef and my daughter up but my husband stayed at home. I'm still praying for him. It was wonderful, I met with the pastor after service and let him know I was never confirmend. He didnt even blink an eye and he said thats nothing we cant fix. Praise the Lord for our Pastor Michael. So i'm working on getting confirmed and love my church and my whole life has done a complete turn around. The skies are more blue flowers smell so much better. And when I pray at night my heart just fills with peace like nothing I ever knew before.

If you are lost and reading this testimony. I know how you feel. Your lost, your probably hurting, looking for some answers. The only answer is Our Lord. If you still dont believe, then just think, millions of Christians cant be wrong. We know peace and love and we know our Lord. I encourage you to go to a local church and just talk to them. They will never look down on you they will only lift you up to a happiness, love and peace like you never felt before.