BE MY ECHO

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup, WA)

Echo- the repetition of sound by reflection of sound waves from a surface, any repetition or imitation of the words, ideas of another.

The words of a children's song came into my head recently. God put it there. In the song one person sings a line then sings "Be my echo." A second party, usually a child, then repeats the line.

A funny thing dawned on me when contemplating this song. First, I thought God is my echo. Then it occurred to me that I had it backwards, and if I think in terms of the definition, God wants me to be His echo. How do I do that in my marriage, in my parenting, in my life? Then the answers, like the idea, started coming.

We have many simple opportunities each day to be God's echoes. Each time we hold our tongues instead of shooting off that terse remark is being His echo. When we stop our busyness and take time to listen to a child, we are His echo. Every time we reach out to help a person in need, God's echo. When we do anything with God in our minds, on our tongues, you got it, we are God's echo.

When even one of us becomes God's echo, like a stone thrown into a pond and sending ripples to the distant shores, His message would reverberate through Satan's mountains of sin. Let us all strive to become God's echoes and put Satan on notice that we will not stand for his interference any more.

Comments:



by: Toni Star

I really enjoyed this article because it gave wonderful examples of 'holding one's peace' instead of being negative.

Your words, "We have many simple opportunities each day to be God's echoes. Each time we hold our tongues instead of shooting off that terse remark is being His echo," make a wonderful impact on what it's like to be a Christian and shows grace under pressue.

God Bless and keep writing!

Toni Star




by: Anonymous

Chris,

Just as an echo is the result of a sound bouncing between two or more items, your thought has become an echo of its own by bouncing between you, me, and others. Thanks for sharing.

Grace



by: Donna Shepherd

I like it when a writer comes up with a new perspective. Very nicely done. - Donna



by: Ann

Wonderful and true words! Thank you for posting this; for it has caused me to think more on the good we all do when we 'echo' God's words through action, the spoken word and by our own behavior.

I especially liked your words, "When even one of us becomes God's echo, like a stone thrown into a pond and sending ripples to the distant shores, His message would reverberate through Satan's mountains of sin. Let us all strive to become God's echoes and put Satan on notice that we will not stand for his interference any more."

Good writing!

Ann

God Doesn't Make Mistakes

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup, WA)

Recently a friend of mine passed away. I didn’t know him well and was touched by the outpouring of love the community displayed to his family. Many people spoke at his funeral mass and the stories reached deep into my heart and soul.

My husband and I, although acquainted with this man, had not had the opportunity to experience him on the same level as the people who spoke. Many had gone to him for advice and/or shared life experiences with him and his family.

One speaker in particular, spoke of some advice which he had given her at a time when her marriage was in danger. The advice, “God doesn’t make mistakes.” A simple statement with profound meaning for me as well as the person who originally received it.

After the funeral, when I had time to contemplate all that I had heard, especially this statement, I could hear my friend giving my husband and me this same advice, even though we had never spoken to him of our problems. God was using this man’s death and another friend’s memory to speak to my husband and me.

God doesn’t make mistakes. It was not a mistake that at eighteen and nineteen years of age we were married, had three children by the time we reached twenty five, had a fourth child at forty one or spent most of our entire lives building a life and home in Pennsylvania.

And it wasn’t a mistake when, a year ago, like Abraham and Sarah, Jacob and his family, and so many other people in the Bible, he led us across the country, to the state of Washington, to build a new home and life.

Now I begin to question myself. How can I, one of God’s faithful children, knowing He doesn’t make mistakes, have doubts about my marriage and His intentions for it? Who am I to question God’s wisdom? He has a plan, a reason for our trials, for bringing us through the fire.

If I let go of the fear, the complaining, the fighting, the anger, the self-pity, if I trust Him, He will see us through the fire. A rather tall order for me, how could I possibly let go of all this baggage?

Another thing happened recently, and this, combined with our friend’s death, have served as the proverbial wake-up call for me.

A few weeks ago I went to the hospital with chest pain. Fortunately, my heart is fine and was not creating the pain. It was a panic attack, so even though my heart was fine, my body was sending me a message. God was sending me a message.

He doesn’t make mistakes and He will see me through the fires. Time for me, for all of us, to Trust God. He knows what he is doing. He loves us and wants to help. All we have to do is ask. Yes, there will still be darkness and hard work, but God knows the way to the light. Seek and listen to Him.

Come to me, all you that are weary
and are carrying heavy burdens,
and I will give you rest.
Take my yoke upon you
And learn from me;
for I am gentle and humble in heart,
and you will find rest for your souls.
For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
(Matthew 11: 28-30, NRSV)

FAITH FOR THE CHILDREN

by Chris Weigand
(Puyallup Washington)

A dear friend of mine recently sent me an e-mail, asking for advice. Her young teen daughter is struggling in her relationship with God and my friend, knowing that I had already raised three teens, wanted to know if I had any words of wisdom for her.

Since receiving her e-mail, I have grappled at finding an answer for her. I thought about my three now grown children and my second grader. What did I do when each one of the three presented me with their questions of belief in God and what am I doing differently with my fourth?

The first emotions I remember feeling were shock and shame. How could a child of mine question whether or not there was a God? How could they no longer want to participate in Mass, all the rituals, the religion that I had practiced all my life and still practiced? What had I done wrong?

Wow, who did I think I was? Who gave me all the power and made me a god? It took me several years, but I eventually began to see things in a new perspective, God’s perspective.

The first hint that I was looking at it the wrong way was at a Marriage Encounter meeting. I don’t remember what the presentation was about, but in the ensuing discussion afterward I started to see my error in perspective.

These children were people in their own right, adults or near adults, capable of making their own choices and, in fact, my husband and I raised them to be that way. So maybe I shouldn’t be taking on the responsibility for their decisions. I still didn’t like it and felt it was up to me to change it, until a couple of years later.

I went on retreat with a group of women from my church, women just like me, with husbands, families, jobs and children that questioned and seemed to turn from their faith. Then the priest discussed this very issue in a talk he gave. Sometimes God has to speak very loudly to me and He was yelling this time. I got two messages loud and clear.

First: I can teach my children and provide guidance and opportunity, but ultimately the choice is theirs. I cannot choose for them, only for myself.

Second: It is not my responsibility to bring them back. My concern is my path, not theirs. I can only plant the seeds; it is up to God to make them grow, in His time.

It may not even happen in my lifetime, but if I have planted the seeds, God will see them through to fruition. God does not want me dealing with things that are not mine to deal with.

So where does this leave me or anyone faced with the same issues? At some time in our lives most of us are, be it a child, a spouse, a co-worker, a friend, even an enemy.

Well, put simply, we set an example; we follow the path God has set before us. If they are children we continue to take them to Mass, participate in the rituals, and be a part of what we want them to be.

And finally we pray, pray for ourselves, that we can be a model. We pray for them, that someday God will open their hearts and minds to the glories of what He has to offer. We let God work His magic on ourselves and others, for it is all up to Him.


Comments:



by: Anonymous

I have my own teen and one pre-teen. Thankfully, they still confess Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. Yet I know that one day they must work out their own faith. I pray that they keep that connection to Jesus through their teens and twenties and the rest of their lives and it becomes stronger with each passing day. If they do question, and 'fall away', I'll be here praying and still living out my own faith for them to see. That is all we can do. For ultimately, the choice is a personal choice.



by: Anonymous

This was beautiful. This message has reached out to all of us. We can only plant seeds and in God's perfect timing they will grow into something so real and so very true for his glory. Thanks again for the story that you shared.

God, Point my View, Please!

by Chris Weigand

Near where we live there is an old tree with a large nest, an eagle’s nest. It seems it has been there for a long time and every spring the eagles return and lay eggs while the locals flock to take rare photos of the eagles.

The other day I was driving down the road to another destination and while driving I was looking for the nest, not knowing its exact location. I arrived at my destination, having not seen the nest.

On my return trip, now traveling in the other direction, and what do I see practically jumping out of the tree at me, the nest. A different Perspective.

Recently I had the occasion to make a list of the things that contributed to me falling in love with my husband. After completing that list, I then was to make a list of the things that I let anger me about my husband.

While contemplating these lists, I had a realization; they were similar. The same things I fell in love with were now the things that could trigger my anger. What changed in thirty plus years; Perspective.

Recently, I was on the phone with my daughter in Pennsylvania. She was reprimanding her daughter or complaining about something her daughter had done. I tried to tell her to stop complaining or reprimanding and enjoy the special person her daughter was. Later, when I thought about this conversation, it dawned on me; I am guilty of the same thing with my eight year old daughter. Again; Perspective.

In each of these situations all that is needed is a small change of perspective and a whole new exciting vision is opened up. Coming at the tree from a different direction I was able to see what had been invisible before. When I looked at my husband’s traits and realized they were the same on both lists, I began to think how easy it is to fall into the habit of looking at things from the wrong side.

It’s like the old question; is the glass half full or half empty. The answer depends on your point of view, the glass and the water don’t change, so we must.

If I look at the traits as bad things, they will make me bitter and angry. I will spend hours stewing and thinking of bad things to do and say. However, if I chose to love and look at things from a positive perspective, I can see what I have done wrong and maybe even his reason for his response. He begins to not look so much like the evil person my mind has been making him into, but instead the wonderful man that I fell in love with. Just a little change in perspective and attitude changes the whole atmosphere in the household and spreads to everything we do either separately or as a family.

A change in perspective also changes the way I see my daughter. A week or so ago she had a day off from school, but I didn’t have a day off from writing. So, I worked in my office while she quietly watched television. I heard her moving around, but didn’t pay much attention to it. If anything was wrong she certainly would let me know.

Occasionally she would pop into my office and we would hug and I told her the toll for visiting my office was that she would receive a million kisses. This didn’t seem to bother her, because she returned frequently.

After a few hours she came in carrying a washcloth to show me. She was very proud; she had taken a bunch of iron on decals and ironed them onto the wash cloth to make blankets for her dolls.

This whole morning with her interruptions and now the washcloths, which I have too few of anyway, could have really made me angry. Instead I chose to respond in love. I praised her blankets while thinking I can always get new ones, but this moment can never be had again. I hugged her, gave her a million more kisses and checked on her project to ensure she was being safe. We ended up having a lovely day with lots of kisses and hugs and memories of time shared. (Extra bonus; Blankets for eight dolls and one dragon.)

Things don’t always go that smoothly. I often have to remind myself just as I did my older daughter, they are only children once. We need to experience both the good and the bad with them and focus on the good.

Hug them, love them and most of all remember that, like ourselves, they are a gift from God to be treasured. The same holds true for our spouses. When things are looking bad and you feel that anger rising, stop and look at things from a different Perspective. The difference will amaze you.


Comments:



by: Toni

These are wonderful words and add a different perspective to how we all view life situations and people.

Like many, I become impatient with my husband, myself and others when things don't go the way I would like them to go.

But, losing my Dad not long ago and my husband who now is having health problems, it puts those 'irritations' in perspective and much of the time such 'irritations' I shrug off, for I'd rather interact and be happy with loved ones than not have them with me.

So, a wonderful article and a great reminder of what is really important in life--God, His Son Jesus Christ, loved ones and humankind.

Toni



by: Donna

When something starts to upset me, I've asked myself many times - will this even matter in a year? In a month? Most of the time, the answer is no. Like you say - perspective. Thanks for the wonderful article and the advice to slow down to enjoy our differences.

IN A MINUTE

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup, WA USA)

We shall not all sleep, but we shall all be changed—in a moment, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. (1 Corinthians 15: 51-52)

“Minute, Mom.” If I had a penny for every time I heard that from one of my kids, I would be a rich woman. Recently my eight year old has taken to using it a lot. I had to sit and think about it for a while and try to discern where she might have learned such an annoying habit. My older children used it, but I don’t remember it being used quite so extensively. So what’s the difference between her and the other three? Why does she use it so much and where did she learn it?

More contemplation, prayer and paying attention to our lives. Ana walks into my office, demanding my attention for one reason or another, or maybe she wants a hug. My response, “Just a minute, I’m in the middle of something.” STOP, hold the phone, revelation here and I’m not talking about her or trying to teach her a lesson. In fact I already taught her a lesson, without even realizing what I was doing. Her father and I taught her the art of “In a minute.”

Do you suppose that God says, “In a minute,” to His children? Can you imagine Jesus praying in the desert and God looking down from His throne in heaven? “Just a minute Son, there is a camel stuck in a sandstorm. I’ll get him out then be with you.” Sounds a little silly, very ungodly, something God wouldn’t do.

We’re to follow God’s example as a Father and “In a minute,” doesn’t usually make the cut. There are times when it’s appropriate, like say when the house is burning down, but most often we have the time and don’t want to tear ourselves away from the thing of choice. We are choosing a thing over a child, our child.

This sends a message to the child that whatever is delaying your attentions is more important than they are. It also shows the child a way to turn the tables and repeat the same message to you someday.

Not a pretty picture, but we can change the colors by simply changing the brush. Instead of saying, “In a minute,” the next time your child wants attention, put down whatever you’re doing and give them a hug, listen to their stories, answer their requests. Show them how important they are to you.

Remember God changed the world in a minute, with the birth of a child, the death of a man. Maybe we mere humans can’t change the world, but we can change the life of our child and plant the seeds to change the world. It only takes a minute.

Marriage Centered on God

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup, WA. USA)

Families seem to be falling apart around us. The centuries old tradition of marriage is being attacked from all sides. The things we all thought to be true and right in God’s eyes are being questioned and pulled down. As Christians what are we to do? How do we face the barrage and come out the other side, on top with our marriages intact?

We go back to our basic foundations, back to God and His word. With His word He laid out the building blocks for a successful, God centered marriage and family. Over the next three months I will show you the path and give suggestions to achieve this, starting with Marriage Centered on God.

Let’s take a look at the beginning, Genesis. Here few see the creation of God’s children and the roots of marriage.

Let us make man in our image, after our likeness:
So God created man in his own image, in the image
Of God created he him; male and female created
He them. (Genesis 1: 26, 27)

God created man and woman in His own image, unlike anything else He created. They were His special creations, someone He could love and share all of His creation with. They were able to think and make choices unlike the animals created.

God created two persons. He could have stopped at one, but when God saw that Adam needed more than the animals He created Eve. Eve was Adam’s equal, his helpmate. They were created, male and female to share God’s inheritance.

Neither was created to be subjugated to the other. They both shared everything with God. With Adam and Eve, God created a sacred covenant, not a contract, but a covenant.

Webster defines contract as an agreement between two or more people enforceable by law. A covenant is defined as an agreement; a compact; a promise. He shared the same promise with us the day we stand before Him as man and woman and say the vows that make us one with each other and with God. Through this covenant Adam and Eve became a family. Through the same covenant we become a family, an unbreakable family with God.

With Eve’s creation a family was formed and with this family we find the roots for a community and community is a reflection of God. With God, marriage, family and community receive their identity, their life, their power.

God is at the center of all that we are, and His sacred, established covenant supplies the proof and support we need. But, how do we translate this into our daily lives? How do we reflect God’s purpose for us and our families?

For this cause I bow my knees unto the
Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
Of whom the whole family in heaven and
Earth is named. (Ephesians 3:14-14, KJV)

In my next installment I will explore: Reflecting God’s Divine Family.

Answer the Door

by Chris Weigand
(Puyallup Washington)

Recently I have had problems writing. I keep asking God for ideas and He doesn’t seem to be answering. But, maybe there is another problem. Maybe I’m not open to answers, maybe I’m not listening.

I have filled my life with so many distractions that there isn’t room for God. How does this happen? A little retrospective journey might be called for here. When didn’t God appear to answer my prayers?

Many times in my life I was convinced I could do things on my own, that I shouldn’t turn to God to solved my petty problems, or I have proceeded in opposition to His answers, not liking the answers He gave.

Fourteen years ago I was graduating from college. I hadn’t prayed about my decision to go to college. I just did it, thinking all the clues were pointing to Interior Design. I graduated, got a job in a local lumber store as a kitchen designer and then changed jobs. I moved to a Kitchen Design Center again as a Kitchen Designer.

There was a small niggle that something was missing, but I ignored it. My life seemed pretty good. With three almost grown children and a stable marriage, how could anything be wrong?

Then someone started knocking out my supports. I got laid off from my job. This started my queries to God about what He wanted me to do, but I didn’t listen, just waited for the burning bush. Not God’s plan though, no burning bushes, only what I interpreted as silence.

So for the next several years I continued to pray, but not really open myself to God. Throughout the intervening time God has shown me over and over again my need to be still and listen.

As a wife, mother, sister, and woman, I like to think I know it all and can do it all on my own or at the very least relying on human help. Well, news flash, as a counselor I know often told me, “This is stinking thinking.”

God is willing and able to help me, all I have to do is ask and then Listen. I’m still learning this lesson though. Daily I struggle with raising my eight year old daughter. However, I have discovered, with God’s help, a few tips that have made the adventure a little easier. By the way, this child was God’s rather loud answer to my prayers fourteen years ago, all done on His time table.

So, back to Anastasia (the eight year old) and God’s help. With His help channeled through some very good friends, I have been learning and creating ways to make her childhood easier.

First and foremost, I make sure God is with us every day. We start our mornings reading from the Bible, usually a simple verse just to start the day. Her school reinforces that with a quick prayer service before the start of school. And I am able to attend this service with her.

We also end our day by saying a prayer or two and a reading from the Bible. With God flanking us on both ends there is no way He can’t seep into the middle. He constantly infiltrates our hearts with His love. That doesn’t mean that we have no problems at all. We still have our challenges, but with God always around, I think twice about how I react to my daughter and my husband. I’m more careful about the things I say and do. Do they fit into God’s desires for me or am I embracing Satan’s enticements.

Another trick I recently discovered was consistency. When I follow God’s nudging and stick to my decisions when it comes to dealing with Anastasia, then in time, she argues less. She realizes that I mean and do what I say I will and with less fighting she does what she should be doing. Still not perfect and still arguing and trying to stretch the limits, but improving.

Opening the door to God won’t take away all of our challenges, but instead will give us tools to make it a little easier, to do it God’s way and not Satan’s way.


Comments:


by: Toni Star

Chris,

What a wonderful piece on God and listening to what He wants us to do! I learned a great deal from reading your words and I thank you so much!

Toni

Joseph: The Earthly Father

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup WA USA)

Greater love hath no man than this,
that a man lay down his life for his friends.
(John 15:13 KJV)

Joseph, a humble Jewish carpenter, married a woman who was pregnant with a child that wasn’t his. In Joseph’s time this created a huge scandal. First he loved and obeyed God by marrying Mary even though she was pregnant and then he loved the child Jesus as if He were his own son. Today we would pat Joseph on the back and commend him for doing the right thing

Joseph was betrothed to Mary, a young Jewish maiden. He was older than her by several years and had already established his reputation as a carpenter and a Jew who followed the Laws of Moses.

When it was discovered that Mary was pregnant, the Laws of Moses dictated that Joseph should abandon her and let her be stoned to death. But Joseph chose to continue with his betrothal and marry her, and then when the child Jesus was born Joseph raised him.

Joseph followed God, and because of it, lost his reputation and business, and was forced to leave his homeland and flee to Egypt to save the life of Jesus. Through all of this Joseph chose to follow God and sacrifice everything that defined him.

He persevered in the face of shame and degradation from his fellow Jews, as well as the wrath and fear of Herod.

Joseph died sometime before Jesus began his ministry on earth, but while he lived, he provided Jesus with an earthly father. As Jesus father he sacrificed himself for his love of God and his family.

We may not know much about Joseph, except that when God called, he didn’t question, didn’t complain, he just did it. As Christian families, we should look to Joseph as an example of the kind of familial love we should aspire to. In spite of all obstacles Joseph chose to love God, Mary and Jesus. For his sacrifice he got to share in the life of Jesus, to be his father and to love Mary and God. What an honor.


Comments:


wonderful commentary about Joseph
by: Anonymous

I have lost my father many years ago, in tragic circumstances due to suicide, and I miss him so much. So your commentary about Joseph made me think about him. Thank you for talking so highly about Joseph who should be an inspiration to all men.
Sincerely,
Helene.

Back to the Beginning

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup, WA. USA)

Why could we possibly want to go back to the beginning? Haven’t we improved, grown and learned? Aren’t we better now than we were then? The answer to that is yes and no. Yew, we have grown, improved and learned. And no, because in the process we have forgotten the things that brought us together in the first place.

When I first fell in love I accepted my spouse, flaws and all. I was able to look past them and see the man I loved. Now I judge those flaws. I see my growth and change and fail to acknowledge his. I blame the distances between us on him, and close my eyes to my own faults at times even avoiding the fact that I could be at fault. Or even worse I don’t see change in either of us and become self-involved, focusing on my shortcoming, blaming myself for all that is wrong.

How did we get here? We seem so far from where we started and that isn’t always good. Why don’t I see the man I fell in love with? Why have all the things that I once loved become irritants? Why is my vision so blurry, when it was once so clear?

I cry out to God, but hear no answers. What am I doing wrong and how can I change it?

I can’t change it. Only with God can it happen. Only total trust and commitment to God will change the darkness to light. I don’t have all the answers. In fact I have recently realized without God I don’t have any of them. Only God has the answers.

In His time, in His way will things change. I place myself in God’s hands. I await His change in my life. Time to return to a time before I thought I had all the answers, before the world clouded my vision. Time for the sun/Son to burn away the fog. Lord, I am your vessel, change me and use me. I trust you Lord, take me back to the beginning.

Let God In

by Chris Weigand
(Puyallup WA)

Love is patient, love is kind. It bears all
things, believes all things, hopes all
things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13: 4, 7 NAB)
We thank you Lord Jesus for this bountiful harvest and
the opportunity to share it with this couple. May God
continue to bless all of us as we share this wonderful
day, and may He bless this couple on their journey.
Thank you Lord for a love that never fails. Amen

I wrote this prayer for my son’s wedding and prayed it over dinner that evening. As I prayed it, I looked around the room at all the couples there to share in this joyous occasion. If added all together, there was over a hundred years of marriage in that room. A rather stunning example for my son and his new bride.

What I didn’t consider that day, but would occur to me in retrospect, is the example they were setting for us.

St. Paul sets down what love for a spouse is. Looking at these two young people, I can see all these precepts being fulfilled. It is so easy for them at the start of their journey, but what of us who have been on this path longer? In my marriage, and I’m sure in many others, these words have faded and are little more than a pretty memory of a day long past. This certainly isn’t what we dreamed it would be or what God wanted it to be.

I believe that as the years pass, we relegate those words to the back of our minds. We take our spouses for granted; we don’t truly listen to them. And we don’t think about God as being a part of the action.

The truth-of-the-matter is God wants to be there. When things get down-and-dirty, He wants to be there. He can guide us through. He helps us to remember those words and our reason for getting married in the first place. Instead of thinking of ourselves as a couple, we should be thinking in terms of a trio with God always in the forefront of our minds.

When I let God in, the whole scenario changes. I am not taking my husband, Al, for granted. I listen to what he is feeling and thinking, because it’s what God wants and becomes what I want. You get the benefit of God’s example and all those words seem possible and become as glorious as they sound.

Now don’t think there are no problems then, but the problems are seen from a whole different perspective. They seem surmountable when God is with us. All hope is not lost, for with God anything is possible.

So my suggestion to you is to invite God into your marriage and see where He can take you. Let us travel this journey together; you and I will let God be our guide.


Comments:


Thank you for your words of wisdom
by: Anonymous

I thank you for that, I just recently let God into my marriage and I am still waiting to see what he has in store for us but I know it is good. Thank you for I know with God all things are possible. God bless you...




by: Fred Connors

So simple. So True. So well Written




by: Bayanda Fleming

Thank you so very much for writing this. This makes me really know that I am doing the right thing by standing for my marriage. God hears our prayers and he will answer them in his perfect timing. Please pray for my marriage as I pray for yours as well.I am asking God to bring my marriage from possible divorce to restoration and to change my husband's mind and save his soul. I know that God will make a way out of no way.



by: Ann

Beautifully written; with much truth and caring! It is so true that when we allow God into our lives, everything changes. We no longer feel incapable of dealing with the problems and concerns that face us all.

When God comes into the picture, there is hope, help and a promise of "going through life with a God who desires only the best for us."

Thank you for a lovely reminder on beautiful life can be when we allow God in...

Ann

Letting Go

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup WA USA)

But when he comes, the Spirit of truth, he will guide you all to truth. (John 16:13, NAB)

I remember when I was raising my three older children and even now with my youngest, one of the things I needed to happen was for them to become independent people. To reach this end I needed to supply love and subtle guidance and let them go to fly on their own. They needed to reach a point where instead of relying on me for everything, they needed to gradually learn to do it on their own.

I am going through this struggle with my eight year old now. For eight years and especially the last four years I have been making sure her clothes are ready for her to wear to school, her backpack is packed, and her homework is done. Pretty much, I’ve been setting things up so that when something goes wrong she can place the responsibility on me.

My goal for her is to make her responsible for her own actions. To do that I need to slowly back out of this dependent position I’ve put her in. I must stop picking out her clothes and packing her backpack, instead have her do for herself. These are the slow beginning steps to raising a responsible independent young woman.

This is one area where we don’t want to use God as our example and for good reason. Unlike parents in our desire to raise independent people, God wants us to turn to Him, be dependent on Him. As parents while remaining a part of our children’s lives we want to do that with independent young people. We have to back out of our roles and their lives so we can re-enter as fellow travelers in God’s world. We are reassured that as we take this vital step we are handing them back to God. He will always be there waiting for them and us to turn to Him. Through the Holy Spirit, God gives us and our children someone to rely on during life’s trials and celebrations. God is there when parents should no longer be holding our hands as parents, but as brothers and sisters in Christ.

Rough Seas and High Mountains

by Christina Weigand
(Puyallup Washington)

I have not been completely honest with you. When you read my articles it sounds as if I have it all figured out, that my marriage and life is perfect, but it's not.

During thirty and half years of marriage my husband and I have seen our share of rough waters as well as smooth waters. Through it all we have found God and we have lost Him. We have moved forward and we have regressed. We have gone to Marriage Encounter, been to counseling, attended numerous presentations and discussions on making marriage work and still we struggle.

The last eight years have been and continue to be, one of the mountains we struggle to climb. I have already explained the components of the problems, including two daughters, a grand-daughter, and a move across the country and the economy. These all have added great joy and adventure to our lives. However, they have also opened only partially healed wounds. I won't go into depth about what those issues are, just know they have created what seems to be an insurmountable schism at times.

I have prayed relentlessly over the years for God to change me, make me more open to my husband, more understanding, for Him to guard my oversensitive, sharp tongue. To give me more patience and forgive my selfishness. I think I have reached rock bottom only to find that I can go lower.

Finally when it doesn't seem as if my prayers are being answered I lose faith, I question God, and I wonder why He is punishing me by not answering my prayers. Like the Israelites of the Old Testament, I have no patience for God's timing.

Then I had a realization, although the stuff I just related is the truth, one important truth hadn't occurred to me. I didn't believe that God would change me. Sure I said all the right prayers, but I didn't take that final step and release them to God. Instead, I held on to them like they were precious gems. I didn't give God the necessary space to perform His miracle. I repeat, I had the faith of the early Israelites, expecting a lightning bolt, or for God to come to me in a burning bush and when He didn't, I gave up.

So, my new prayer is: Thank you God for all your wonderful and not so wonderful gifts. Please Lord, bless my family and the world. Help them to find the joy of your peace and love. Lord, forgive my sins as I forgive others. Lord, open my heart to be receptive to your healing and increase my faith and patience, so I may be truly deserving of the gifts you have given to me. After praying I will wait for God's leading.

Readers, now I ask you to join me in this prayer as I strive to heal my marriage. Maybe by praying this we can all heal the rifts, however small or large, in our own marriages. May God continue to bless us as we walk His path.


Comments:




by: Fred Connors

You go Chris!
I, too, will lift you and your marriage up in prayer. Our God is a loving God and all He wants is to be loved in return.
Give the problem to Him and, then, let go of it. God will handle the situation when free Him to do his thing.

Fred



by: Angela

I feel as if I am going through those rough waters spiritually and your articles continue to inspire me to keep presuing my faith and know that God will continue to give me the guidence to be able to worship him with my 2 little blessings constantly in need of attention.

With Gods love...



by: Anonymous

I have been going down that road of impatience and wanting to give up. I know that if we have true faith we can move these mountains just like Jesus said. We must believe that with God all things ARE possible. God bless you during this journey.



by: Bayanda Fleming

This was a very encouraging message. it gives me the strength to face my problems and keep standing no matter what for my marriage as well as pray for others going through. God bless you and be encouraged.



by: Ann

Wonderful post! And I thank you for the prayer that everyone's marriage be healed and strengthened.

Such honest and caring is wonderful and I feel blest from reading your words..

God Bless,

Ann

Celebrating God's Wisdom

by Chris Weigand
(Puyallup, Washington)

I am celebrating this spring. What I’m celebrating is not a national holiday or even a religious one, although God was definitely involved. No, this holiday is on a much smaller scale with only a few people even noticing it.

The celebration I’m speaking of is a double celebration, a double emancipation. No I wasn’t a slave at least not in the traditional sense. Instead I and my daughter were slaves to some misguided ideas about parenting, contributed to by low self-esteem and fear of living, fear of rocking the boat.

A little over a year ago my husband, youngest child and I moved across the country. This move affected many aspects of our lives as well as those of the people closest to us. A large part of the adjustment fell on my oldest daughter, Katie, and me. She and I were practically attached at the hip, almost requiring a surgical procedure to separate us.

I was doing something a parent should not do; I was relying on her to be my best friend. This was detrimental in so many ways, but I’ll only talk about two of them. First, it prevented me from being the parent she needed. One who would discipline her, who would stand with her father on issues and one who might look like an enemy once in a while. That was always one of my biggest fears, becoming the enemy, being hated by my kids. But, that’s another story for another time.

A second side effect, I didn’t make friends among my contemporaries. While not the only factor contributing to this deficiency, I believe it played some role. This is where self-esteem, dependency on family, perceived lack of time, came into play, but again another story for another time.

The point here, I made very few friends, especially among people my own age and/or similar life places. I had no one to turn to when I felt my marriage was in trouble, no girlfriends to shop with or share a cup of tea. Any relationship that did develop eventually became one-sided, where it seemed as if I did all the giving and yet no one gave back. Easier to hide at home and rely on my teenage daughter for friendship. Not a good plan for anybody.

Fast forward, January 2008. Al, my husband, has moved from Washington State, because of a job change. My youngest daughter, Ana, and I will follow at the end of March. Meanwhile, I will try and sell our home in Pennsylvania and pack up 29 years of accumulated stuff, get Ana’s school stuff organized and separate myself from my family which included three grown children, a granddaughter and new daughter-in-law.

Fortunately or maybe unfortunately, depending on your perspective, I was on medication for anxiety that shut down my feelings, so I was able to get through this without a meltdown. Anyway on to my holiday.

In the intervening year and a half a lot has happened. We moved, found a new church and school, made new friends, changed my medication, had a hospital scare for myself and even flew home to help Katie get through a trying time only to discover that she didn’t really need me. Suddenly, the wisdom of the past year’s decisions and God’s hands became very visible.

My daughter, after years of struggle, had grown up and was learning to handle her life. I was learning too, like she didn’t need me to swoop in and solve her problems, she could solve them on her own. And this may sound repetitive, but I also learned that I didn’t have to swoop in and solve her problems.

My moving forced her to build her own support network, to not rely on me for the solutions. I had to make friends and build my own support network and not make the same mistake with Ana that I had made Katie.

Although Ana’s school has served as the place where I have found new friends, the friends I have made function very well when our children are not present as well as when they are. I have found people my own age and of a similar situation, which I can share with, that are there when I need a friend as well as me being there for them.

God certainly knew what He was doing when we faced my husband’s job change and our life change. Times may not have gone completely smoothly, there have still been many ups and downs. However, all in all, I think there have been more ups, namely Katie and I finding an adult relationship and learning we don’t need to lean on each other, but it’s nice to know that we are always there for each other. God knows what he’s doing and Katie and I will celebrate our independence.


Comments:


I like your "God"
by: Mario Penalver

Chris, I admire the fact that your God is so fused with your biography. In my mind, that is a God that is far more profound than those we "go to" at church.