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Can't agree on parenting

by Shelly
(Dallas, TX)

We've been married for 19 years. We have two kids, a 15 year old daughter and a 12 year old son. My husband and I are always arguing about our kids. We can't seem to agree on how to set limits.

My husband thinks our daughter should be allowed to set her own limits and is very hard on our son. I think both kids should have limits based on their individual needs and personalities.

Our kids always see us fighting about them and sometimes use it to play one of us against the other to get their own way.

What are we supposed to do?

Comments for
Can't agree on parenting

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Aug 31, 2009
 Response to "Can't agree on parenting"
by: Lee Baucom

Many people wonder why parenting and children end up in the top 5 list of marriage-ending issues. You illustrate it. Both of you love your children. You simply have different views on what that caring looks like.

First, let's be clear that no 2 people are going to agree on parenting 100%. In fact, that is not what children need. The famous business man William Wrigley said "if two people in a partnership agree on everything, one of them is not needed." Children benefit from having parents with different styles of parenting, but finding a common point of care and support.

That said, I'd bet you two have moved too far apart to merely have a difference of opinion. I wonder two things. First, I'd bet each of you have pushed the other away from what each of you would normally do. In other words, your reaction to each other ends up creating the real problems.

Second, I would venture that you can find a common ground -- a starting point. What is your common interest? Do both of you want the best for your kids? Do both of you want them to grow up and be responsible adults? Do both of you want your children to feel loved and respected?

Once you have a common ground, then start talking about what it takes to get there. See if thinking it through helps you both come to a resolution.

The biggest issue in a successful marriage is becoming a WE. You are two individuals when it comes to parenting. Take a look at my ebook for information on how to build the WE.

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