Choosing to stay Joyful

by Andrea Onah
(Surrey, UK)

Ever been made to feel or think that your status as a single woman is due to something you are doing wrong or even something you are not doing right?

"You’re probably too picky." "Your standards are too high!" "How come you are not meeting any men?"

Some words can sound like bullets.

Most people have natural desires to marry. Often married folks, with all their best intentions, believe it is their mandate to educate their single counterparts where they are missing the mark and thereby help them make the transition over to the married 'club'.

One common statement single people are often accused of is not going out enough. "The only person you are going to meet at home is the postman or the milkman," friends may say. But often than not, a year later, one is 365 days older, exhausted from being out every day, still single and even more frustrated!

Or then the diagnosis may be your "wooden" look as the cause of your singleness malady. You are simply not smiling enough. In fact the diagnosis is often painted as terminal - the prognosis of never marrying remains dire unless you wear a different smile! Over the ensuing weeks, you adopt a routine to perfect a few Colgate grins in front of the bathroom mirror. Thenceforth, your grin is with such perfection and so broad and wide that even a Cheshire cat starts to weep with envy.

Advices, advices! Yes, relationship 'experts' will often always show up...when one is single, there’s always an army of them!

It all sounds funny but on a more serious note, being single does not always have to necessarily be your fault or anyone’s fault. Or even God’s for that matter.

Single is not diseased. Neither does it mean that the older one is the more diseased they are. The forty year old woman has as much the same desires as the twenty year old wishing to marry. They may feel different pressures but their desires to be coupled are on par with each other.

The world does not stop spinning just because a single lady has not secured a husband. Single is not something that is tattooed on anyone's forehead, though mind you, some wear their status like it is! But by no means did God intend being single to be a stigma. In fact, Apostle Paul was so comfortable as a bachelor, he even recommended staying single if one could! Singles should therefore not be made to feel like they have something wrong with them or have done something wrong either.

Whatever our status in life, we must make a choice to stay happy. In fact I prefer to use the word 'joyful'. The Bible tells us to be full of joy at all times. Paul said to the Philippians, rejoice, again I say rejoice. It is easier to remain joyful than trying to be 'happy' because joy comes from the spirit - it is a fruit of the Spirit. Joy is not dependent on our circumstances.

Like many, I too can remember a time it seemed like the same set of people would consistently and persistently ask me those 'single-type' questions – the questions often sounding like a scratched record on some wind-up gramophone! Yes, I know they had the good intentions often, but it was not always easy seeing the funny side. But then I made up my mind one day, just to remain focused.

You see I had reached a point where my circumstances could not determine my state of mind. Nothing could rock my boat, as they say. And people began to not only realize this but see it in me as well.

It certainly helps remaining joyful because people are more attracted to people who look 'happy'. Others can pick up signals we may be unwittingly emitting. Essentially, you would not want to be in a situation where you seem to look offended, or have so perfected an anxious or unhappy look. Especially should the man of your dreams happen to be crossing your path!

Yes, choosing to stay joyful as a single person is a choice and one that you can make. Yes, in fact the next time your lovely great-aunt asks you when is your wedding, just give her a knowing smile. Bless her, she'll start thinking you've got something rolled up your sleeve! And not too long after, who knows, you may pull the very man of your dreams from right under those sleeves!