Codependent relationship

by Elizabeth
(Johnstown, NY)

I recently got married on 6/12/09 to who I thought was the most wonderful, caring, giving Christian man in the world. Just before we got married, a woman from his past(5 yrs. ago) called him looking for help with her drug and alcohol addiction. My husband has been involved with NA for 12 yrs. and he had previously told her he would always be there for her. He admits he had dated her once or twice and she was the girlfriend of a friend of his. He hadn't heard from her in the last 5 yrs. He let her move in with him just after we got married, convincing me not to move in right away as there wasn't room for all,and she disappeared for about a month, then returned(though living with her parents now), he talks to her 5 and more times a day, takes her to meetings, invites her to do things with us, yet she has no desire to develope a relationship with me. I sense she has feelings for my husband. This has caused considerable struggles in our marriage. Now he has opted to keep their conversations and meetings secret from me so I won't say anything negative. I have been checking his cell phone log online(because of his secrecy) and have discovered their numerous lengthy phone calls back and forth. I told him that I found out and he says I've broken his trust. He says because I'm not complying to this relationship of theirs, that I am being disrespectful. I also found out that the 2 mos. prior to our marriage, he was having 3-4 hr. conversations at night(he works nights on the road)with his ex-girlfriend, who he has told me is very suductive and it was a relationship built on lust. We are now not talking, and I'm getting ready to have a breast biopsy. He also admits to telling this other woman about our arguements and also about my medical situation. I told him I can not discuss or include him in my issues as I can not trust him to not tell her, so I will have to go through my medical stuff without him. He just said 'ok'. This other woman cont. to relapse, has stolen large amts of money from people and has recently stolen a wallet from my husband's friend. My husband is continuing to choose her over me and my needs, though he cont. to tell me he loves me. Can you give me any advice?