confused and heartbroken

by maryann
(bay area ca)

I have been in a relationship with a man for four and a half years. We have a son together. Although we were never married we were very committed to each other. Our relationship had its problems. I was a full time college student and he was always in and out of jobs but mostly out. I became very resentful towards him because we were always pressed with money. Several weeks ago my anger took over me and I had him leave our home and told him it was over. I was filled with anger but I knew I still loved him.

After I calmed down weeks later I ask god to help me. He opened my eyes and helped me realize the mistakes I was making myself.I started to go to church and read the bible and pray for answers. I'm trying to forgive myself for letting my anger get the best of me. Forgiving myself is still a struggle though.

I then apologized to him about the mistakes I had made and asked him for his forgiveness.He is still very angry with me. He also told me that he is not coming back. And that he has moved on and does not love me anymore . We have been a part for only two months, and he has found someone new already. I truly believes he loves me though he is just hurt and mad at me.

I know I need to put everything in the Lord's hands but emotionally I am still having a hard time. My world has been shattered. I am still not sure how to hear God when is talking to me. How do I know it is god talking and not my broken heart. I am very confused and broken hearted. Will God put my family back together even though we were not married. And how do I forgive myself for letting the man I love go? And he is with some else how do I cope with that. I do know when we were together he never cheated. please help me I'm so confused.