Does God REALLY Have a Plan for Me?

by Terry Scerine
(Escanaba, Michigan)

"Into Your hands I commend my spirit!"

God's plan for me and my plan for myself haven't always necessarily been the same, even after my salvation.

How often I've prayed, "Lord, let me for once have a profession that I love, an occupation that I can stay excited about that would be fulfilling for me in serving You; one that has a worthwhile purpose besides just staying alive, and that forwards Your Kingdom on earth and destroys the works of Satan in a significant way; a profession that will glorify You in Your perfect love and goodness and wisdom and righteousness in the eyes of the lost; one that will help the hurting see that they need a Savior and that You alone are the only One and the only Way and the only Truth, and that living for You is the only way to find lasting joy and fulfillment in this life."

I pray, "Lord, lead me to the occupation that's perfect for me. Show me what You would have me to do with what's left of my squandered life. And please make it obvious to me. I don't want to make a move until I've heard clearly from You. I don't want to wonder if it's Your leading or just my own imagination, just another pipe dream, just another thing to do, just another occupation. I know it's asking alot, but it's nothing beyond You. And if I can be sure that I've heard from YOU on it, I'll boldly go. I just don't want to settle any more for less than what You want of me, and I'm tired of sitting in neutral at this crossroads of yet another decision about my life's occupation."

I think He replied, "What if I don't have a particular plan for you? Will you be okay with that? What if my plan for you is to live out your whole life always wondering what My plan is for you? How long can you tread water? What if I just want to keep you wondering and learning, keep you in the school of living your life for Me?" Then I say, "But Father, I know You want what's best for me in serving You." And He replies, "Bingo. But maybe what you think is best for you is not what I know is best for you. So who ya gonna follow? Don't you trust Me? What if My occupation for you, My plan for you, is for you to always wonder what My plan is for you? What if I'm trying to get you to learn how to have joy and peace even in that? What if I just want you to be My child and rest in that?"

Then I say, "But Lord, I'm so tired of living this way. I'm so tired of always learning and always standing at crossroads in my life. Can I at least have a vacation from it?" He says, "You think you have it bad? Try meandering 40 years as a lowly shepherd in the wilderness like My servant Moses. Try losing everything and scraping sores for awhile like My servant Job. Try running for your life awhile like My servant David. Try being thrown overboard a ship, being swallowed by a big fish and living in its belly for three days like My servant Jonas. Try building an ark on dry land for a hundred years, then living in it and caring for a bunch of wild animals while being tossed around on rough seas for a year while I flood the whole earth. Try living lives like My chosen Apostles did, and then suffering deaths like theirs. Try wondering day to day where you'll find your daily food and shelter, and having to trust Me daily for those things like so many of my faithful servants today. Try living a lifetime among people who despise you, and then being tortured and crucified by them for doing nothing wrong like My own beloved Son. Quit whining, My child."

Then I say, "But I'm just a hair on the Body of Christ, not one of those great ones." Then He says, "So just accept that and be grateful for it. Is My grace sufficient or not? Who's the liar, you or me? Crucify yourself, and let your wants and desires for your own life on earth die with it. If you can manage just that much, then maybe you can learn how to have the real joy that you keep thinking you know about and keep writing about."

Then I say, "But Lord, I'm not strong enough for that. I'm so tired of trying to figure it out and trying to get it right. I've been doing it my whole adult life, and I'm 52 now!" Then He says, "I'll be the judge of what you're strong enough for. The question is, when are you going to let Me be the God of your life and just rest in Me and listen to My still, quiet voice while I guide you through each day? I'm either faithful to complete the work I've begun in you, or I'm not. Who's the liar? Are you pushing and striving to complete the work yourself? Are you going to get yourself to heaven now? You're such a child. Just let go and have joy in being MY child, and leave your life to me. I thought you gave up being the captain of your own ship when you cried out to Me in 1988 to take over your life and I saved you."

"Here's an occupation for you: Know Me, trust in me, rest in Me, love Me, love your neighbor as yourself, seek first My Kingdom, and live your life in the joy of the certain hope of one day seeing My face."

I said, "Yes, Lord!" Ah, but here I am, still striving to figure it out and get it right. I can't seem to help it, at least not yet.