Eler Care: How to help one aging parent survive the other

by Vanessa Barnes
(Crosby, Texas)

As children we often look to our parents to smooth away our bumps and bruises and to kiss away our pain. A child’s courage is only as strong as a parent’s courage shown to them.

So, as we grow up and our parents get much older, not only is there, in some cases, complete role reversal, but most aging parents begin to look to their children’s strength and courage to become their strength and courage.

God would not have it any other way.

Concerning Jesus and His parents, Scripture says; “When they had fulfilled all the prescriptions of the law of the Lord, they returned to Galilee, to their own town of Nazareth. The child grew and became strong, filled with wisdom; and the favor of God was upon him.” Luke 2:39-40

When my mother went to her final place of rest two years ago, we were left as a family, to care for my elderly father. Being the surviving parent, it was through him, I vicariously kept her memory alive.

That was to my benefit, but what about him? How and through whom would he move forward? I came to learn it was through his children.

After fifty plus years of marriage, the death of a spouse carries for the survivor, both obvious and unknown challenges.

Recognizing the affects of his physical digression and understanding his emotional depression, we had to learn to see deeper into his heart. It became the place where faith entered to play the larger role in our family.

As a daughter, I learned that because I had not walked eighty five years in my father’s shoes, I could not possibly have known the true depth of what he felt.

That realization in itself became the door by which the Lord would strengthen me and my family so we in turn, could help strengthen my dad.

The interconnecting of every thread of all of our beings; financial, emotional, physical and spiritual, took on new meaning.

The Lord’s strength is made manifest through us for the good of one another. Despite the afflictions Jesus Christ Himself endured, He remained confident in the triumph God His Father would lead Him to.

That is our connection. As Christians, when we experience small moments, small touches and small hugs with the surviving parent, we are allowed small steps to empathize for that parent.

We do this by maintaining the same confidence of triumph which held Jesus in good stead.

Though our parent may seem to choose calm stares and aloof quietness over vitality and excitement most days, we stay close to them by seeking a secure and intimate relationship with God.

God's love and compassion feeds them through us.

The human and spiritual journey becomes for parent and child, an unceasing prayer for wisdom and a miracle gift of God’s merciful grace.