Empty Nest Depression

Empty Nest Depression ... or is it?

So it's empty nest depression ... that feeling you get when your last kid leaves for college or moves out of your home....the question is....am I supposed to be happy or sad....or both? If I�m supposed to feel sad, then should I feel guilty if I feel happy? Or if I�m supposed to be happy that my kids are off living their lives and doing well, then why do I feel so terribly sad? It�s as if I�m mourning the loss of something that I technically didn�t lose. Or did I?

Yup, it�s complicated. As a Mom, empty nest depression is probably one of the most emotionally complicated situations you�ll ever go through. And I did say �through�. The trick is to go all the way through and not get stuck somewhere in the middle of it all.

A part of dealing with empty nest depression and loneliness is taking a close look at your self esteem. For whatever reason, if your self esteem isn't in the best shape, this issue is a lot harder to face.

I recently took this free test that measures self esteem, loneliness, jealousy, depression.....you know, all the hard stuff. It was enlightening, not to mention helpful, to say the very least. And now, on with the story.......

We have two kids, age 23 and 20. Our 20 year old son left for college two years ago and our 23 year old daughter left for a work mentoring program last October so we are now officially �on our own.�

When our kids were in high school I found the entire concept of kids leaving home and moving on with their lives completely unacceptable...until our son�s senior year. It was during that year that I discovered some things that helped me put empty nest depression in perspective.

Right Thoughts....Right Actions

I�ve known for a long time that your thoughts determine your actions. So it stood to reason that if my thoughts were about how much I dreaded my kids leaving, and how horrible I would feel on graduation day, and how devastating it would be to leave my son at college....you get the picture. I knew this path was going to lead to a never ending nightmare in "empty nest depression" land. So beginning my son�s senior year, I was determined to make �empty nest depression� miss me entirely.

Here's some of the things I did DAILY:

I replaced my old thoughts with how proud I was about how great my son was turning out, and how well he�d do at college. I thought about how well we�d done as parents in giving him the courage to go to college somewhere that wasn't home.
I contemplated how I would help my son find the exact right college to pursue his music dreams and how glad I was that we were giving him every tool he needed to succeed. I visualized how proud I would be at his performances and what a model he would be for other kids.
I remembered all the obstacles our daughter had overcome, and how happy we were that she was finally able to get some training to help her move forward with her dreams.
I also started focusing on how I was going to spend my time when my kids were gone. I thought about all the things my husband and I wanted to do together. We talked about our plans for eating, recreation, and hobbies. It�s great to be able to cook the food you love without worrying about whether your kids will eat it!
I started visualizing how good it would feel to know my kids were happy and where they needed to be, and how happy I would be to have freedom to pursue my dreams.

The trick was to start thinking the right stuff long before the actual events occurred. If you prepare yourself mentally, the actual process comes and goes without having to go through the �empty nest depression� stage.

Of course, there was the day we left our son at college. As we drove away, I asked my husband if we were doing the right thing. He reassured me that our son was exactly where he wanted and needed to be and that it was exactly the right thing.

Feeling a little better I said, "OK, he can stay for one night but tomorrow he�s coming right home!"

OK.....so now it's your turn. It's time to be a blessing. SO..........

What's Your Story? How Has Empty Nest Affected You? And more importantly.......

What has worked for you? Is there anything special that has helped you make the transition? Let me hear it! Or should I say.....let us ALL hear it!

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