Every Promised Land comes with a Giant

by Zoe Onah
(Surrey, UK)

My relative was having a blue moment. One would think that a fifty-something, never married, single lady, would be doing cartwheels at the prospect of an engagement proposal to a well suited gentleman.

Not so, with the emotional volcanoes that were erupting from her quarters. And these were not eruptions that brought about heart-fluttering, knee buckling moments, mind you. No, my relative was dissecting the said gentleman's life under the microscope.

Choosing the right person is not something that you approach with myopic focus. But then, neither should it be with microscopic vision either. All that shows up on a microscope are bacteria, viruses and germs!

Yes, marriage is a lifetime partnership and not one to be taken lightly. Yet, isn't it amazing how sometimes we just keep saying 'no' to every prospective husband that comes our way in the hope that the next one would have something better to offer us?

When God gave the children of Israel the Promised Land, the land had giants. Ten of the twelve spies who came back from assessing the land, but failed to notice how fantastic this land was.

The fact that the grapes from the land needed two men to carry the clusters, the fact that the land was ebbing and flowing with milk and honey, was no compensation for the giants they decided to focus on.

No, as far as the Israelites were concerned, they were getting the short end of the straw. "Oh we are just grasshopper," they moaned. "We will be swallowed up by the giants. Let's just forget this whole inheritance thing. In actual fact, our previous life was not so bad after all!"

Just how more hypocrital could the Israelites have been? But just how different are we from them?

Yes, we moan don't we? Grumble, complain, whine and unearth every imaginable disquieting theatrics we can fathom when we don't have something we want, including wanting to be married. Then when God sends the best our way, "the best" does not match the image on the brochure of our hearts.

Yes, "the best" is not quite the hunk of a specimen we quite imagined. In fact, to be brutally honest, "the best" probably resembles more of Humpty Dumpty than the Denzel or Brad clone we had chiseled in our imaginations. (By the way, the Denzel and Brad clones we created have such perfect lives, no baggage, issues or current challenges, of course!).

But "the best" God decided to send your way looks like someone who should have gone to Specs Savers Opticians. Cause who else but a blind Bartimaeus would dream of wearing a jumper as the one he was sporting on your first date with him?

The jumper was so last season...in fact...so last century! Even your granddad would refuse to talk to you after wards if you gave him such a jumper! And let's not even go there with the car that "the best" decided to put his supposedly future queen, you, in for her first date. A car that looked like something that had escaped some war-zone!

What standards do we really set for ourselves ladies? Are our standards so high that it would take an Edmund Hilary to climb the Mount Everest of our expectations?

There are too many examples in the Bible that teach us that often when God gives His children something, challenges also come as part of the package. I can certainly give testimony of that when I met my would-be husband, Eze.

I knew in my heart of hearts, that this was the man God said I would marry. There was just that knowing confirmation besides the approval from my pastor and parents.

But there were issues, real issues that had been part of his life that would definitely impact our future. I could have kissed good-bye at that point when the airy fairy moments of meeting a new man had floated away and the stark reality of what I could be facing in marital life became real.

All I would need to do was holler "Next" as I hastily whisked Eze to his exit, while hoping God would send a so-called better make and model. But a better make and model would no doubt have come with issues in a different form. Not only that, a better make and model may not have been the right choice for me, period!

But I went ahead and married the man of my hearts and truly God's desire for me, and today Eze and I have the testimony of overcoming the very thing that tried to put discouragement in my heart back then.

When God gives you a dream, vision or anything, it is your responsibility to believe and trust Him all the way. And this applies to the man who God will put your way. This is what God expected from the Israelites when He gave them the Promised Land. But they were too preoccupied looking at the dark side of life instead of the bright side of God's promises.

My relative was moaning about her man in question having this condition or the other, which to her, were giants in the long runway of marriage. But if these giants scared her, was she saying there would be no giants with the next one? Was she saying that the single life is what she really inwardly craved for instead, just as the Israelites craved their past lives as slaves in Egypt?

The interesting thing was this "Humpty Dumpty" that she was prepared to reject, could easily become someone else's knight in shining armor one day. Someone else, who would be prepared to see the milk and honey in a good God-given man, and not the giants relatives were examining on the microscope slide. The generations of the complaining Israelites did eventually possess the Promised Land their forefathers turned down.

Marriage is serious business and any decision you take must not be done lightly but with prayerful consideration. A good place to start, as with any other major life decision, is to always speak to your pastor first. He/she has the godly foresight to give you the right advice and lead you correctly.

However, never be quick to run away at the first glimpse of a baggage issue. Instead, discuss every inhibition and doubt with your pastor. And don't hide anything significant from your pastor either, just because you so desperately want to be married.

In the meantime, I am waiting to hear from my relative as to what her final decision is. Her pastor has no qualms on the so-called issues and challenges she is making an Everest out of, but rather thinks that her focus must be to humbly seek guidance in prayer in the months ahead.

The right man with issues and challenges is still the right man. The wrong man with no issues and challenges is still the wrong man.

I'll postpone doing any hat shopping for now, in the meanwhile. A summer wedding would be nice, but let's wait on the Lord in this matter. Will keep you posted!