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Fighting over money

by Louise
(Tampa, FL)

We've been married for 10 years. I've always handled the money because my husband would spend every dime on things we don't need.

Now he says I'm too controlling, don't trust him, and he can't see why he can't handle the money.

I pay all the bills otherwise they wouldn't get paid. My husband would just let them sit on the counter and gather dust.

What can I do?

Comments for
Fighting over money

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Aug 31, 2009
Response to "Fighting over money"
by: Lee Baucom

Louise, you and your husband have gotten into a common pattern: over/underfunctioning. You are overfunctioning. When you do that, it helps you feel that things are going OK, but really serves to keep your fears at bay. When he underfunctions, he gets to be carefree (deal with his fears), and gets to be critical. In the end, neither of you win.

Why not deal with the money together? Why not set aside some time each week or month and go through the bills together? That way, both of you are equal partners in the situation.

Let's be clear about this: when you both take on the roles you have, you become the parent and he becomes the child. Over time, children become rebellious teenagers. After that, they leave the family. That is the direction you are heading.

Money is such a powerful issue that I devote an entire chapter to it in my book. Perhaps you would find it helpful.

Blessings to you.

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