What does a forgiveness prayer look like? How do you know if what you're saying, feeling, or thinking is enough? Have you truly forgiven or have you just gone through the motions?
I remember trying to teach our kids about forgiveness prayer when they were young. Our daughter is three years older than our son, so as they grew up, she always had the upper hand. That is....until our son grew taller than her.
As the interaction between them continually erupted into full blown arguments, the need for forgiveness was constant.
And of course, they both felt like they were the only one doing all the forgiving. Did I ever hear either of them say a forgiveness prayer or even ask for forgiveness? I think that would've fallen under the category of "miraculous".
Sound familiar? The Word is really clear about the need to forgive. It's required in order to receive answers to prayer, as part of a relationship with God where you actually expect to hear from Him.
There is a lot of bad stuff that happens when you don't forgive. Bitterness, anger, and hurt...just to name a few. But the odd thing is that it all happens to you, not to the person who hurt you. You're the one who has to walk around with all that stuff inside you, eating you up.
The bottom line is that forgiveness is mostly for you...your health...your peace of mind...and mostly, your relationship with God.
But just because you realize you need to forgive doesn't mean you've suddenly inherited a magic forgiveness prayer, or even the desire to do it. In fact, it's hard. It's really hard. Here are some steps that have helped me:
Make the decision to forgive, regardless of your feelings. They will eventually catch up with the whole forgiveness concept, but maybe not today.
Pray that God will give you His Grace to do it. God's grace is simply His power to do something with ease that you would struggle with if you try to do it on your own.
Pray for the person who hurt you. Ouch. This is probably the hardest part of the whole concept. But when you pray for that person, God can reach into the situation and work.
LEAVE the situation and person alone. Don't try to avenge yourself. Ugh. Yeah right...it would be so much easier if you could just do some awful thing to make them look bad or feel bad or something! Don't do anything. Let God do what He's going to do and you focus on moving forward, doing whatever God tells you to do.
There's something about acknowledging forgiveness that seems to strengthen the concept somehow. Here's a "Print and Pray" forgiveness prayer that may help:
Lord, I'm coming to You because I need to forgive (insert name). I don't have anything to bring except all this pain and anger about what's happened. Lord, I don't know what to do with it all, so I'm bringing it to you and laying it at Your feet. Your Word says I have to forgive (insert name), so I'm making the decision to do it. PLEASE heal me on the inside so I can let go of this.
I pray for (insert name), please deal with them in the way You know is best. Heal them and bless them Lord. Make them into one of your followers.
Thank you Lord, for taking all this from me. Thank you for healing me. And thank you for helping (insert name). I ask this in Jesus name.