Frozen in Time

by Anne
(Alberta)

It has been so long...frozen in what seems like the same place in my marriage. We married 18 years ago when I was pregnant and had not spent enough time getting to know each other...we are very different in many ways...in many key areas, child rearing, activities, interests, money and budgeting and all of these differences, some more than others, have created distance. We have not had an intimate relationship for about 15 years. We have two teen children, one of whom has left home and is starting a young family in poverty without finishing highschool. We see very little of him. My daughter does not like her father and thinks he is not very smart and perhaps that is the case. Academically I am considered smart but so what!! I figure...I have contributed to this broken down marriage and family and now we reside in the same house in different rooms. He says he does not want to give up because he thinks there is hope...he has said this before but will not go with me to counselling...we do this separately as well. When I look ahead with this I feel no hope. I can only plan on myself and my own life because that is really all I have. And I have my children that I want to spend time with and support in any way I can. I really can't say I am married...I think it is a lie. We have a legal relationship with responsibilities but very little heart and soul. I pray regularly about this...mostly for strength and guidance. I am very sad about this situation. LIMBO...thoughts???