Help with Godly advice

by Carol Whitley
(Memphis, TN)

Been married 18 years. Husband is a Pastor. Before becoming a pastor he slept around many times. Since I am a Christian I forgave him. (I did have 1 affair after I got fed up). It seems that each time I forgave him he took advantage of my kindness. He would come back begging and pleading for me not to leave. Last year I found out he had been secretly talking to another women until her husband found out and told me. I also found out he had had many conversations with one of the married "loose" church women. I decretely confronted her via text message when I saw the phone bill but course she lied and said nothing was going on because she does not want her husband to find out.

I have stayed with my husband because he is the World's Greatest Farther to our 2 kids. He helped with the getting up at night. He took off work as much as I did for doctor's appts, He spent quality time with them. He stayed up as many nights as I did when the kids were sick. He was involved and attended school activities and supported our kids in every way. He protected them in every way possible. My kids thought that he would get up each morning to hang the sun just for them. They love him just that much. He worked and paid bills and I worked and helped with the bills as well. I am sure you are asking why did I stay. I guess you can say I sacraficed my happiness in or for my kids to be happy. We rarely argured in front of the kids when we noticed how upset it made them. We stopped arguing altogether in front of the kids. I have cried so many nights and he is sooooo untrustworty.

I said that when both kids were out of the house, then I could begin my life again. my daughter is 18, living on her own alone with her little girl, and going to college. My son is 20 in college and doing his own thing. So I felt it was time for me to go. Note, "Not yet said the Lord!" He is the Pastor of a church that worships the ground he walks on and they traeat me the same way as well. There is nothing that we need or want that the church is more than happy to ablidge. They feel that we were sent to them by God because we make a great team in the church. We put up this great fasade like we get along well, I support him totally in the church. I am always available to advise and talk to the women and girls of the church, which I have to do quite often. They ensure that someone prepare a meal for us each Sunday or someone takes us to dinner. We try to attend every family functions that we are invited to by the church. We visit the hospitals and nursing homes and funeral services of church family members out of town. This shows the members that we care for them. They LOVE us so much It would devistate and destroy the church if


they found out that he is liar and a cheat. When I miss a Sunday practically half the congregation calls to be sure that I am okay. I know if I leave him to start over which would be easy for me to do now that the kids are out of the house it would cut the members to the core of their souls because they trust and believe in us. We go days without saying a word to each other while living in the same house. I really no longer love him anymore because of all the affairs he have had in the past and the point that I know I still cannot trust him. I constantly wait for the next affair, Everyday I look for signs of who is he having an affair with now.

I am sure you are asking why all the affairs. Let me assure you it is certainly has nothing to do with me. His farther was an adulter, he has 7 brothers, all married and divorced due to affairs, except 1. It is a family trait that they are all cheaters. He has always thought that I was beautiful (I'm okay). I am extremely classy-sexy even as a Pastor's wife. His friends address me as queen, beautiul and other compliments. Some of his pastor friends have tried to secretly come on to me. I have alway been extremely classy and I am told that by many because of the way I look, dress and carry myself. I pleased him totally in bed. There was nothing that he asked for that I did not do. When he found out that I had had an affair, I really thought he was going to have a heart attack (he is 10 years my senior). I promised him that I would never do it again but he continued to have affairs. I know he is not actually sleeping with other women because do to a bad heart, diabetes and lots of medication it takes a me almost an hour to get it up and that about once per month. Even now that he can no longer perform and I am reaching my peak I still refuse to sleep with anyone else. But I think that If he could, he would sleep with someone again because he constantly secretly talk to other women. I say this because I just caught him talking to a women last summer.

My question is when is the best time to leave? I would hate so bad to hurt the church and something keeps telling me that if I continue to stay, he will be openly revealed and it will not be by me. The people will find him out and that will be my time to leave. What do I do? Should I just pick up and leave forgetting the church that I hold dear to my heart or wait until he is exposed by God. He has always been a good farther but has never been __it as a husband. Yes he has NEVER EVER missed my birthday or our anniversay, he always has something nice for me but I still do not belive he loves me enough for me to stay. Give me your thoughts.