How Far Are You Willing To Compromise?

by Andrea Onah
(Surrey, UK)

We all know or have heard of some Christian sister who went into the wrong marriage, right? Being the excellent counselors we women naturally are, we did not mince our words when we were dishing out our advice to the sister. Yes remember how we even begged her not to marry the man? And for those of us who remained on speaking terms to the said sister after that, we subsequently went on to witness the consequences of her mistake proving us very right...which we reminded her of very well too!

Yes we saw the broken heart, the tears, the... Need I spell them all out? But when the tables are turned, why then do we find it so easy to see through the mistakes of others but yet are so murderously defensive when we are about to make those same ones, if not worse mistakes? Just how far are you willing to compromise on our own values?

I was talking to a Christian sister the other day. She was lamenting with much heart-felt empathy about some of her friends who were prepared to compromise on a thing or two in order to settle down and be married. I noted with much interest how far we go to get what we want even when all the alarm and distress sirens are going off all around us to stop! But why and how do we get to this point?

The genesis in our 'husband finding' project for most of us always starts with at least some mental list of requirements of our Mr Right. Lists do have an expiry or at least a revision date. When we have been looking for Mr Right for a while and yet there has been no whiff of a half-serious man in sight that you can introduce to even your cat, the reality is that our lists are either mercilessly self-edited, edited by the Holy Spirit as was in my case, or end up in the trash can.

Lets get real...Find me a sister who has been single for a number of years, who eventually finds a man that happens not to meet a couple of points on her list, but then decides to hold on to her specifications rigidly. Not many! Yes, at some point, changes are made to those lists but the question is, are they the right ones?

If you are to believe the so-called statistics, "they" say that there are more women than men in the world. And if you are prepared to go through a box of Kleenex tissue in record time, "they" also say that there are more women than men in the church pew on a Sunday. Small wonder the compromise factor begins creeping in. You see, I am not talking here about letting up on his 'socks and sandals' fashion issue. No, though I wish i was...

Many women will consider an unsaved man some time or the other. Yes, some may go as far as attempting to convince their pastor that the prospective man will get saved eventually. On the other side of the fence, how many of us are just so grateful that we have located a saved, single brother, yet will give a blind eye to the 'Mr Wrong' tattooed all over his body, clothes and even his aftershave?

Christian sisters, don't think this is a lecture. Just to remind you, I too have been there when the years were ascending, when I had been to everyone's wedding but my own. Do you not think I heard these same so-called men/women proportion statistics? Trust me, the figures sounded as grim then as they do now!

But nonetheless, my question has to be, can you seriously afford to get to the point of compromising even at the cost of losing some of that holy dignity of yours? Or should I be even a little more direct? Just how far are you prepared to compromise at the cost of running for your precious life after you've tied the knot? Or after securing a few scars, physical, emotional and/or mental? Or just ending up desperately sad? You see, no-one ever thinks such drama will happen to them. Who for example, gets married wishing to divorce later? At least no right thinking Christian should anyway!

The mistakes of ending up with the wrong man are the real statistics that no one wants to talk about. Why? Because we prefer to be in denial. We prefer to call wishful thinking, faith. Because we hope our situation will be different from the 'unfortunate' others.

Know this, if we are prepared to compromise and it all ends wrong, would it be worth it? These are the questions we need to ask ourselves honestly. Or is there always a back-up plan as Christians...would we, at that point, be relying on our prayers and lengthy fasts to fix the problem? Heaven suddenly receives a constant transmission from our quarters with ceaseless elongated prayers in the hope to change a husband we had no business marrying.

Ouch...I know this all hurts. But the truth often does. And the truth is what makes us free. Someone once said a bad marriage is like hell. I don't know about you but hell sounds like a place no sane person would choose to be in. There is only weeping and lamenting in hell, no peace or joy in that place.

In hindsight I am glad I waited without compromise in my Christian values. An unsaved man or a counterfeit brother? No, there could not be a compromise there. Give me the socks and sandals but with salvation there can be no settlement.

Sisters in Christ, I say to you today in a heartfelt plea, think twice before you do the wrong thing. Don't do what you know is not right and end up with regrets. Trust that God loves you too much. Rather, be patient and trust in His love. Don't become a statistic. A compromise can never pay off, especially the wrong one. Learn to say no when you know you should. Hell has no place in marriage. You chose Jesus for your salvation. Don't choose hell for marriage.

Love you all