How to deal with a affair and drugs and lies

by Zinggar
(Bronx, New york)

I have been with my husband for 16yrs although we have been married for 10yrs. Before we were married he cheated on me 2 times and had 2 children with two different women. I still married him because I wanted to give my children the family I never had. I believed in GOD so I trusted that he would change my husband. November 13, 2008 my husband told me that he has been using crack. He said that he was just expermenting at the time. He stop paying bills, he stop spending time together as a family and stop showing intrest in me. About 5 months ago my husband just left. He left me with two children ages 12yrs and 7yrs. I am having a hard time dealing with everything I know that we had hard times but I did not know things were so bad. I have cried begging him to come back home and get help but nothing has worked. He keeps telling me that he is trying to protect me from him. That he no longer wants to hurt me. He is currently living with a another women whom I think he was having a affair with. He keeps telling me that he loves me and that one day he will be right. Then he will tell me to go ahead a live my life and let him go. I am confused because I love him so much. I am afraid of what might happen with him and what will happen with us. I am afraid that he might love this women and give her all the things that he never did for me. Right now i feels like my husband is a total stranger it is really strang how you could be with someone for so many years and not know the person. And everytime we talk he tell me that he can not talk to me because I am so emotional. I gave cried almost everyday for 5months I feel like I do not know what to do. I have prayed and I have talk to GOD. Since i have meet my husband when I was 17 and he was 18 I have always been there for him now I am 34 and he is 35 and I feel like he should have deserve better. I have been blaming my self because I stayed with him in spite of everything. Then I ask why wasn't love enough why didn't he love me the way I love him why is he choosing to self distruct like this. He told me on October 30, 2009 that he is not ready to be the man I want him to be. So were does that leave our marraige should i just let him go and move on with my life although I love him so much.