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Husband's Girlfriend

by Sara
(Portland, OR)

We've been married for 3 years after living together for 5 years. We have a 2 year old son.

I recently found out that my husband has a girlfriend. At first I was so shocked I didn't know what to think. Now I'm just numb.

I thought everything was OK. I don't know how I could've missed the problem.

When I asked my husband about her, at first he denied it, then he finally admitted it. He says she makes him feel special and loved. I couldn't believe my ears. Now that I know about this woman, he's thinking about moving in with her.

I want my husband to stop seeing this woman and come back to our family. What can I do to stop our family from falling apart?

Comments for
Husband's Girlfriend

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Sep 10, 2009
 Response to "Husband's Girlfriend"
by: Lee Baucom

There is a common theme to my responses, as you may have noticed: you can't control or force another person's behavior. It won't work, and usually only makes matters worse when you try.

Your husband told you something important. He said that his girlfriend made him feel "special and loved." That is important because he didn't feel that from you. It doesn't mean this wasn't true (I'm sure you did love him and think him special). It means he didn't feel it.

I would suggest you apologize to your husband that you didn't make clear to him how loved he was. Then I would suggest you tell him you want to save your marriage, but tell him that the other relationship has to end.

Finally, I would suggest asking that he join you in counseling to that the two of you can repair your relationship and work on making sure both of you feel loved and treasured (the heart of your wedding vows).

You may want to take a look at my book to find some information on what went wrong and how you can start to fix it on your own.

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