I Gave Up My Ashes, and God gave me His beauty.

by Shannon Thomsen
(Wayne, PA USA)

With God all things are possible, my life is an example of God's mighty work. Hello, my name is Noel. I'm not a victim, I'm not a survivor, I'm an overcomer with the help of Christ. I was sexually abused by my father from the age of 5 until the age of 14. All throughout my childgood I experienced different types of abuse. My pain was very deep as a child. I remember not being a happy child and being afraid of my fathers every move. My mother being a victim of sexual abuse as well turned the other way and allowed the abuse to continue. I wasn't able to bring friends to my house to play, my father would just abuse them sexually. I was lonely most of the time since I had to stay home so much. Both of my parents had abused me in so many ways and everytime it got worse. At the age of 14 my father was arrested on several counts of sexual abuse. My mother put me into foster care. From there the state moved me from home to home. I spent most of my teen years in state institutions. There wasn't one family that wanted me. That was more pain on top of what I was feeling from my childhood. At the age of 18 the courts released me into the world and I had no clue what to do. I lived my mother for a short time. During that time I slept most of the time and we both couldn't be in the same room with each other. Once again, my mother kicked me out and sent me to a half way house. From there my adult life I spent in bars, in and out of relationships with both men and women. I abused both alcohol and drugs which landed me in jail several times. My life was in constant turmoil. I lived in fear. I worried all the time. I couldn't hold down a job nor could I function in a relationship. I was alone most of the time. I was scared and didn't know what to do. Most of my 20's I moved around from state to state lost and confused.

In 1999 I moved to the East coast where I currently reside. I was in a long term relationship with a woman which was a nightmare. We had physical altercation, verbal arguments, and overall just very dysfunctional.

I had found a church down on corner from my apartment. It was a small church but it was very nice. I started listening to this woman on the radio. Every morning she came on but I had no idea who she was. I learned of her story which was just like mine. I thought to myself "if this woman can do it, so can I." Than I saw her on the television and recognized the voice. I learned that it was Joyce Meyer. She had so much information on healing. I started reading her books, listening to her material and slowly I was starting to heal. During this time I still was living in sin with a woman and still living a fearful life. I kept going through tragedy after tragedy. My mother passed away in 2003 and I turned my heart away from God for two years. I felt so alone and now who would I call on for my parent. I didn't trust a soul nor did I trust God.

August 12, 2010 I had gone through a mental breakdown which led me to a suicide attempt. I was admitted to a mental hospital. I was petrified. I asked God to help me get out of the hospital and I heard a still small voice that said "no, you need to ask me to help you heal and reach out to me so I can use you." I started to pray and found a bible where I just started to read whatever page would come open. I kept landing on Psalms. I was released and when I walked out the doors I said to myself "enough of this, I need God." I got out and spent a lot of my time reading God's word. I started to pray and talk to God about my pain. God kept telling me to read as much information on sexual abuse healing as I could. God was leading me to so many different scriptures. I was finally getting answers. After praying,fasting, and talking to Him I was finding that my hurt was starting to diminish. I turned completely away from sin and declared that I would devote my life to Christ and following the path had for me. I know this is the beginning of my journey but least I'm on my way to healing. When we dedicate our time to the Lord and really expect to hear from Him he will answer. From 1999 to 2010 God had changed me slowly, but now he is moving more rapidly now since I have given my all to Him. God is beautiful. God has shown me in the last 48 hours through a dream that he will get me through all my floods. I had a dream that in the middle of a flood I called out to Jesus asking for help. The water went away but others were drowning and I was helping them get through their own floods. I knew from that dream that God has a plan and he plans to use me in a mighty way.

Thank you for your website, I found a lot of God's truth on your site. God bless you!