Is it ok for a husband/wife to have a deep relationship with someone of the opposite sex?

by Elizabeth
(Johnstown, NY)

My husband and I have been married just since 6/12/09. Just before our wedding, a woman he knew from his past contacted him. She was having some problems, and he felt obligated to help her. This relationship with her keeps getting stronger. He invites her to do things with us, takes her places, and he even compares things they do or say with something I've done or said. I am not included in this relationship and she has no desire to get to know me. I since that she has feelings for my husband, but he doesn't seem to see it. He did tell me that they had gone on a date or two about 5 yrs. ago and he hadn't heard from her in the last 5 yrs. until she called recently. My husband feels her needs are very volnerable and he feels he needs to continue helping her. I told my husband how this relationship makes me feel...less important than her, and distant from him. He now feels it is better to keep their conversations secret from me so I don't say anything negative. Because he refuses to tell me when they talk or when he sees her, I have been getting on his cell phone log online and I see they talk sometimes 5-6 times a day. He works nights and a lot of these calls are very late and into early morning hours while he is working, and he tells her about our conversations and my issues with their relationship. My husband and I see each other very little due to his hours and we don't even talk that much. We had a big arguement last night and I told him I knew of their numerous conversations and he said I have now broken his trust. I feel I had no other choice and he has set up a situation in which I can't trust him. I recently had findings on a mammogram and need a biopsy(he even told her about that). I feel he should be giving me full support. I told him I didn't feel I could count on his support and because he feels he has the right to tell her my problems, I would have to go through this without him, and I feel I can't disclose things to him any longer. All he said was 'o.k.' He tells me I'm being disrespectful to him. He tries telling me that I don't tell him every time I talk to one of my friends, so he shouldn't have to tell me when he talks to her. He always has ways to justify what he is doing by comparing it to something else. I have never hidden anything from him and usually do tell him when I've spoken to a friend of mine. The sneakiest thing I've done is look up his phone log, and I even told him about that. He told me I was playing games. Am I wrong about this relationship being wrong?