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loveless marriage

I was just wondering if you could offer any spiritual guidance regarding my loveless marriage. I no longer love my husband, but am devoted to my children. Therefore, I do not want to put them through a divorce and/or ever be separated from them. It's very hard to live like this on a daily basis, but feel that I have no other options. I welcome any and all advice. Thank you in advance.

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loveless marriage

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Apr 27, 2010
 There is Hope
by: Karen

Living in a loveless marriage has to be tough. Living as a married person isn't easy even when you do love your spouse.

But there is always hope. You don't say if the term "loveless" means you argue all the time or if it means you pretty much ignore each other, or what exactly. So I'm going to assume there is no domestic violence or other circumstances that would definitely change my answer.

There are a couple of resources I would recommend for you. First, go rent or buy the movie "Fireproof". What a great movie. I think you'll see that when you change your thoughts your behavior changes. And when you do what's right on purpose, things really can change.

Second, take a look at the book, "The Five Love Languages". Sometimes what seems to be a lack of love is really a failure to express love in the right way. This book has changed many, many marriages.

Sometimes married couples forget that a huge part of a successful marriage is the ability to be friends. I mean, let's face it, sometimes we treat our friends better than we treat our spouse. We say negative, nasty things to our spouse that we would never even consider saying to our friends. Why is that?

So how do you build a friendship? You find common interests, you spend time together, you talk and laugh a lot. You do things that are enjoyable. And mostly, you invest emotionally in the relationship.

Yes, it does take both of you to make the effort, but it has to start somewhere. Sometimes doing what is right even when you don't see right results is the hardest thing you'll ever do but can yield the best fruit.

Many blessings,

Karen
Apr 27, 2010
 Obedience before Emotion
by: Anonymous

I first just want you to know how great it is that you are commited to staying together, even if only for the children. I hear it thrown around a good bit that it's somehow a lesser motivation to stay together for the children, but as a child of divorce, I can say that there are few better reasons. Children create our sense of responsibility, obligation, and duty. They also increase our capacity to sacrifice. I think those are traits required in marriage anyway, so to stay together for the sake of the kids is a good and noble choice.

That said, I am responding to give you one huge piece of data to consider. If we were sitting over a cup of coffee, I'd want to hear your story, and then I would say this: Obedience often preceeds emotion, meaning that often we wait to feel like doing what we ought to do when how it works is to do what we are supposed to do and then the emotions follow. I have seen it over and over again. God honors the obedience and somehow works a miracle in our hearts and creates emotions that did not exist. So I would say that asking Him to direct your heart, to continue to walk a path that leads you toward your husband, and to trust the Lord with the results is your best option.

May I also remind you that the world around us loves to create self centered reasons for leaving a marriage. But the Bible is clear on what reasons are legitimate, and all for good reason. I do some counseling at my church, and I have witnessed first hand the destruction of those that make choices outside of those Biblical bounds, and I have seen incredible miracles when women choose to stay. So the best route is always to be obedient to the word of God.

I will pray for your marriage, and for your ability to love all the time, regardless of what is coming your way. That is such a powerful way that you are being called to walk in the footsteps of Christ. I will pray. God bless you.

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