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lust and forgiveness

by Sarah
(Florida, US)

Hi,
I have been dating someone for about 2 years, and we are both Christians, but were struggling with keeping purity in our relationship. Our boundary was to not do anything sexually, especially not sex. We crossed all the boundaries except for sex. But going that far, it feels as though we have had sex. Every time those things would happen, we would feel so much conviction, and would ask for forgiveness, and pray for strength to stop doing those things. Over and over and over this happened.

After awhile, I started thinking that God didn't want to hear me say "I'll never do it again, God.. I'm sorry". I knew what I was doing was wrong and poisonous to my relationship with the guy, and with God, and I was serious every time I said I wouldn't do it again.

I know God will always forgive me, but I also understand that we are NOT to abuse the freedom of forgiveness as an excuse to sin. I heard that if someone has a problem with an addiction, it helps to take communion in the spot where temptation usually takes place, because not only would you have to step over your promise to get to your addiction, but you would have to be stepping over the blood and body of Jesus Christ. After all those times of fulfilling the flesh, I wondered if this guy was the one I was going to marry, but we might have ruined it by leaving God's graces to have our desires. Or, if he isn't the one for me to marry, what if he will be now, because of the intimacy we've had.. I know that sex and sexual things make two people one; it consumates a marriage. If you could please give me your thoughts or verses on any of this...

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lust and forgiveness

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by: Anonymous

A great book to read is "Every Young Womans' Battle". This book goes so in-depth when it comes to relationships (and especially emphasizes the repercussions of a physical relationship outside of marriage).
When you get yourself into a physical relationship with someone, you not only bind yourself to someone, but you open yourself to copious amounts of sin. It will get harder and harder to deal, with every compromise you make. A sexual relationship outside of marriage equates more than just sin; there are underlying issues that need to be addressed- rejection, hurt, lack of love, unworthiness, lack of self-esteem, etc. which all wreak havoc spiritually.
Ask the Lord to help you see those areas in your life that you need to be delivered from and renounce them. They are all Satan's lies upon your life and will continue to damage you for as long as you give them a place to reside.
Don't put yourself in a position to compromise; set boundaries and stick to them (Leave the door open, no kissing/just hold hands, etc), NEVER be alone in any setting- always have people around you, and more than that, remember how priceless you are to the Lord. You can picture it this way: you are a blossomed rose to be presented to the great Christian man you are going to marry- with every compromise, a petal is plucked from your flower. Question is, how do you want to present yourself to him? As a beautiful flower or as a stem with nothing left to offer??
These are things to think on and pray about.
I know exactly where you are coming from. I know how hard it is to peel yourself away from the temptation and I know what it feels like to fail while trying to defeat it in the flesh.
But I also know how hard it was to dig out the pain I buried because I'd covered up my issues with Lust. It was the most painful thing I'd ever been through. Deal with it now while you're still at the early stages of the relationship. And if there's no commitment to marriage, it may be best to wait. If there is, you might want to think about starting marriage counseling or couples counseling. It really does help.

Reply to Sarah
by: Toni

Hi Sarah,

Like you, I experienced these same emotions with my then to be, husband. This is a decision that only you and he can make but like the other person who replied, if the relationship is not heading toward marriage, it might be good to rethink your relationship.

Of course, God and His Son, are who you should go to first, for they will give you the answer.

I have found in my life that whenever temptation or anything bad enters my life, I go straight to the True Source, and soon find my answer.

From the Bible, the best words, "Seek ye first the kingdom of God and all else will be given unto you."

Finding the Right Christian Answer
by: Karen

Hi Sarah,

This is the question that thousands of Christians face. It is very difficult because everywhere you go in this world, you hear that premarital sex is not only OK, but almost expected. After all, how can you really get to know someone that you think you want to marry unless you sleep with them first, right?

I think it's really tough for young people. We, as Christian adults, want our kids to wait until they're married to have sex, but we also don't want them to get married until they're "old enough". And, of course, we don't want them to live together. So, in the meantime, we expect our hormone crazed kids to refrain from any and all sexual activity until we think they're ready to get married. Talk about setting them up to lose.

God's word says that sex is reserved for the marital relationship. God created man and woman to enjoy each other within the marriage commitment.

Sarah, there isn't a real easy answer to this one. I definitely see your struggle. And rest assured, God sees your struggle too.

You didn't say whether you plan to marry this man or how old you are so it's hard to know your circumstances.

But I will say that if you aren't planning a future with this man, I think it's best to break off the relationship. Keeping yourself in a place that always leads to sin is not a good idea.

If you are planning a future with this man, then pursue the relationship. But the only way you will stop the sin is to both make the commitment to wait until you're married. It won't work if only one of you wants to stop.

Marriage is a huge step, even when you're marrying the right person. But when you put God in the center of your relationship, you'll find many of the answers you need, when you need them.

Sarah, I wish you the best of luck and hope it all works out for you.

Many blessings,

Karen

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