marriage separated

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marriage separated

by Carol Brown
(Irvine, Ca, Orange)

Hi
Can you please pray for me and my husband. I am scared and don't know what to do. My husband left 5 months ago and will barely speak with me and talks of divorce. I love my husband and have been praying daily. I am not sure if I am supposed to not contact him and pray and hope he calls me. When I do try contact he picks and chooses when to respond to me. Can you please give me advise. I am catholic and don't want to let go of my marriage without a fight. Please give me any insite you can to help me on how to handle this and soften his heart.
Thank you,
Broken hearted

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marriage separated

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hurt
by: Anonymous

My husband told me a week ago he wanted to seperate he wasn't happy he needed to be by himself,this hurts so bad and I want to give him time but its so hard.I pray god gives me strength and answers

Separated
by: Anonymous

I guess the first question would be whether or not you're a believer and if your husband was also a believer. That's first and foremost. Christ must be the center of your marriage. God hates divorce. Even if you're both believers, the enemy can get into one or both of you to divide the marriage. The devil hates togetherness and he hates family. The one thing that has kept me going, not to discount other marriage sites is Rejoice Marriage Ministry out of Pompano Beach Florida. I subscribed to the devotionals and receive one every day that keeps me encouraged and keeps me going. What you are experiencing is not unusual behavior. Right now, for whatever reason your spouse is angry and does not want to be bothered. You're probably the blame, even though the reason you may be separated was not your fault at all. It's very, very , very hard. My husband and I had one big argument and he left and wrote me a letter with no return address indicating that I would never hear from him or see him again. He did not want me to know where he was and for about 6 months I did not know his whereabouts. Through the favor of God and prayer the Lord allowed me to locate him and not only have I seen him, I've talked to him. Although he does not call me voluntarily as much as I would like for him to, we do spend time together. I'm still praying and believing for the restoration of our marraige why, because I believe what the Bible says. I know the Lord joined us together and God's word says what God joins together, let no man put asunder. Be encouraged, keep praying and be led of the Lord. He will direct you when and when not to contact your spouse. Trust me I no know it's hard, especially when you love that person.

Storms
by: John

I am separated from my wife the past 16 months after 15 years of marriage and four children.She loves her freedom.I am broken.But by the Grace of God not beaten.I'm closer to God now and closer to my children.
I met a fellow christian man about a month ago who is separated from his wife by sickness.She has to go on a dialysis machine for many hours a few days a week.He encouraged me so much by his godly outlook.
Meeting him reminded me of Paul when he wrote to the church from his prison cell to encourage them.

If you want to survive as a Christian.The Holy Bible and Prayer is the only way.It works.It hurts but it works.Not at half measure.I am so lonely but I have Jesus.Yes I have Jesus.

20 months and counting
by: pilgie

My husband and I separated after 31 years of marriage and 4 children. It has now been 20 months plus with no sign of change on the horizon. My commitment has been to ask the Lord to identify things that I need to work on then work on them with His help and the help of a Christian Counsellor. I have grown so much in my relationship with Jesus and for that I'm very grateful.

However my husband continues to make very questionable choices and shows no interest whatsoever in reconciliation. It is painful and lonely - it would be lying to say otherwise - as I face potentially the rest of my life as a separated women. Helen Roseveare was interviewed recently on 100 Huntley St. As she relayed a question the Lord had asked her during a devastating time in her life I felt that the Lord was asking it of me as well. "Can you thank Me for trusting you with this even if I never tell you why?" My answer - I want to Lord. Please give me the strength and grace to do just this for Your glory.

husband left me
by: Anonymous

I found out 3 weeks ago that my husband who is a minister had been having an emotional affair with a woman in the church. When I confronted him, he left me. He blames me for not meeting his needs. I had suspected something was going on but he had continued to lied to me more times than I care to remember. I'm of course, devastated and feel like I've lost everything. I went through the begging process and it only drove him farther away. Now, after spending a lot of time in God's Word, I realize my priority is my relationship with Jesus. Yes, I want him to come back but I can't control him. In the meantime, I refuse to give him to power to destroy me. I am doing everything I can to change myself and make things right but I will not beg or try to force him into anything. I pray everyday for his brokeness. I want him to come home but I don't want him to come home the way he left.

Moving forward with God
by: Karen

Hi Rose and Anonymous,

Please don't take my comments out of context. First, I am very sorry you are going through this devastation and pain in your lives. It is heart wrenching.

If you look at my comments closely, you'll see that I never talked about blame or fault. I'm talking about addressing the things in your life that God wants to change.

Like it or not, God is always working on changing something in us. As soon as we make changes in one area He starts working on us in another area. I believe He's going to keep working on us until we go home to be with Him.

When you add marriage to the mix, you're adding all the things He's trying to work on in another person too. Suddenly you have two sets of issues that don't always mix well.

As for your husbands; you can't control your husband's actions and you're not responsible for his poor decisions. But you can't continue to be held hostage by them either, especially if you have children in the mix.

Making decisions to move forward with your lives while you're waiting for God to change your husbands will probably be the hardest thing you'll ever do. But what is the alternative?

Working with a Christian counselor is one of the best ways to help you sort out your options so you can make choices based on the circumstances that are right in front of you. Should you give up? Of course not. There is nothing too hard for God to accomplish. But what if it takes years and years?

In the meantime, it's just going to be you and God, doing the best you can. With God's help you you need to decide how to move forward, regardless of what your husband does. You must keep seeking guidance and direction for your life, and be willing to work with Him, no matter where God leads you.

Is it easy? Oh my, no. I've seen too many Christian women face this kind of devastation. It is brutal.

I will go back to my initial comments once again. Talking over your situation, issues, and options with a Christian counselor will give you the chance to sort things out and get some input from somebody who works with these kinds of situations every day.

And we will keep praying that God intervenes in your marriages in a powerful way.

Many blessings,

Karen

moving on
by: rose

i did not agree with the comment left by karen, i know that in my marriage i made mistakes,sometimes i was grumpy, tired,fed up, but that does not excuse my husband of 14 yrs to walk out and decide just to leave us behind, he has a good job,one that i supported him through,was always their for him like a wife should,he never had to lift a finger as all was done for him, i was always eager and happy to please him,now myself and daughter are heartbroken, just left like we never meant anything to him, god joined us together as man and wife, and i am not ready to give up on this, i love my husband, and trust in god, so what more can i do,?

RE: Moving ON with Life
by: Anonymous

I don't agree with the comment made by Karen regarding moving on with your life, Carol. Firstly, in my own situation, I played no part in my husbands cheating, lying, abusive patterns at every level, his talking down to the children, not providing for me, so, I say that to say this, sometimes marriages DO fall apart because of the lack of commitment of one party, with no fault of the other.

With Christian Counseling, I have learned that the role I played in the constants of my husbands behavior were to allow myself and my children to be VOLUNTEERS to his negative behavior. I didn't have anything to do with his behaviors, as he was always here and there and he basically lived a depressive life the entire time we were together.

He left me because he said he wanted to be happy and focus on his career. we have not reconciled, and he is currently living with a single man in an apartment that they share. He is happy. He loves his new life. And he just recently told me, "To be honest, I enjoy my freedom."

I believe that we like to say that it takes two, but sometimes it doesn't take two. Sometimes a person makes his, or her, mind up to exercise their free will to do what he, or she, pleases. Despite the care and the love, the commitment, the counseling we received, (all of whom told my husband that he would eventually suffer consequences for his actions), he still did his own thing NO MATTER WHAT.

However, I do believe in reconciliation and restoration. Don't give up! If you want your husband to come back to you, great! It may not be today, tomorrow, or even next year! But God honors His word and He moves in the faith filled words of believers. Keep believing. Nobody can tell you where your heart is and where it isn't. Believe that God will reconcile your marriage. Read up on reconciliation in the Bible, get your concordance out and look up the word as it relates to different passages. Believe those words that you read. Make them come to life but believing them. Taking them to heart.

Let God work on your husband as He works on you and leads you into a greater relationship with Him. right now, don't focus on your husband, he has made his choice. He will do what He wants to do. Only God can bring him to his knees. You can't. But the love and the kindness that is there in your heart is more than enough to keep you alive in the trenches.

It is not all lost. Don't give up!

Thank you
by: Carol

Thank you all so much for your prayers and advise. I know I have God but sometimes I feel so alone. My family lives far away and it is extremely hard. I do have a Christian Councelor who helps me. I pray pray pray and I wan't to save my marriage but I know it takes two people. Do you I just give up and let it go and see. I really don't know what to do at this point and its very scary. The last we spoke was Thursday and I thought I would give it two weeks to refind myself and then see the next steps. I feel kind of lost. Thankful for all of you and the Lord. God Bless all of us

desperate during seperation
by: rose

i know exactly what you are going through, it is a terrible time for you, but i too am being told not to contact my husband terry, and to be honest, right now i do not know what to say to him,i am breaking inside, like you, feel desperate,isolated, no one understands the sleepless nights,thinking it was my fault,having panic attacks, i do all these things and more, sound familiar?please father god in jesus name, come down tonight and touch this woman and her husband and make them reunite in jesus name, we trust in you lord, but we are still weak , you know this and still we thank you for this marraige to stand in your name, blessed by you,you are the mighty redeemer lord god, please ,we put all our faith in you father, no one else is worthy, we bless your name forever lord,heal this rift between man and wife lord, in jesus name, Amen, thank you Jesus.

Moving on with life
by: Karen

Hi Carol,

I am sorry to hear about your marriage. This question comes up way too much these days.

You can't control what your husband does or how he acts, but you can control how you respond. Five months is a long time to be afraid and wondering where you stand.

I strongly urge you to find a Christian counselor who can help you sort out your options. You can't put your life on hold forever, hoping your husband eventually reaches out to you. No matter what he does you need to work on the things in your own life that need attention.

Marriages never come apart because of just one of the persons. There are always issues on both sides that need to be addressed. It would hardly do you one bit of good to have your husband come back just so you can both go through all this stuff again because neither of you have dealt with the problems.

A Christian counselor will help you get to the heart of your issues so you can be in a better position to move forward, no matter what your husband chooses to do.

Yes, God hates divorce. But even God allows both people to make their own decisions. Be determined to move forward with God, no matter where it leads.

Blessings,

Karen

Separation help
by: Anonymous

Thank you. I am so sorry for your situation and will also pray for you. I do not know what to do and I am very scared. I have faith in what God is doing but I feel scared and lonely. Everyone tells me I cannot contact my husband and must wait until he contacts me. Is this the right thing to do? Any advise would be appreciated. God Bless you and your family.

seperation
by: Anonymous

i am going through the same situation,my husband will not speak to me or our 11yr old daughter, it is heartbreaking, i pray to the lord our god to reach out and touch your husband, and make him realise his marraige vows were not to broken, and to resume his role as husband, and to live a good christian life, in the name of Jesus christ, our lord and saviour,Amen. God bless you.

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