My Broken Marriage

by Cheryl Baker
(odessa,Tx USA)

Hi Karen.My name is Cheryl Baker and my husbands name is Waymond. We have been together since Oct of 99,married july7,07.I have always been a controlling person because of my childhood having to help my mother rear five brothers by ourselves.My first marriage at the age of 18,I wanted to get of of the house so I married.We had two beautiful children which I feel I was the one who raised them,the only thing my first husband did was bring home the pay check.I did everything else,bills,doctors,schools,etc. I fell out of love with him after 22 yrs and looking for something and didn't know what it was. I started a job and Absolutely loved it,thats where I met a really great friend. Yes, I cheated on my first husband with my friend.We fell so in love it was what I had been searching for.Waymond and I had been together for 8 years and married for 16 months,now seperated for 17 months.I didn't realize I was such a conrtolling person until now,always trying to teach his children my ways when they visited.There were some comfortations with Waymonds ex.I felt I always had to be the controlling one so I wouldn't lose.I was so afraid of that because of his children and his ex wife.Sly remarks from them about our relationship.I felt the more I was in control the more I wouldn't lose him. Now I feel I have lost him for good since we have been seperated for so long.All I ever wanted to do was show them that I would be the winner and keep my husband.But I lost.We had a horrible argument and out of my rage and anger-he told me he was done.I said a lot of things just to hurt him because I was hurting and wanted him to feel my pain.I have loved that man ever since I met him.But now because of my controlling I lost.I am a born again christian since last May of 09.He believes in God but doesn't live the Christ like ways and now is seeing another woman.Why does God put us through all the pain that I have been going through? With the angry words,my husband says that I implied that I had cheated on him,but thats not true.It was my first husband I was cheating with Waymond.I think he jusst misunderstood everything I was saying out of my rage and anger.How do I get closer to God so He can heal the pain I'm going through? I know God hated divorce,and after so many months of seperation,I don't understand why Waymond hasn't filed.Maybe you and other standers can shed some light on this because I sure can't.Please pray for my marriage restoration and for the Lord to soften my husbands heart and open his eyes and ears and come to repentance.May God Bless you and thank you for your prayers.