My husband left me, now what?

by Private
(U.S.)

Hello, my husband and I have been married for almost 13yrs. We married at a young age. Me 16 him 18. We waited 7yrs to have our only child. I was born and raised in a christian home. He wasn't. He was converted just before we married and we went to church regularly. After a couple of years we stopped going all together.We were living the so called dream. Did everything together. After I had my daughter, my parents took her to church without us. I knew I should be taking her but the devil had me blinded to the things of this world. One day my dad called and asked if he could take her (to church). I said yes. He said why don't you come too? I gave some excuse or lousy answer, I'm sure, but it never left me. The closer Sunday came the more antsy I got. I kept telling myself I'll go and it'll be like any other service and mom and dad would be happy I went. I cried the whole service. I was very quiet on the way home. Conviction had a hold on me. Mon. night was bad on me. My husband asked me what was wrong. I told him I needed to ask God to forgive me and take me back. He said he would be there for me whatever decision I made but that he wasn't ready to make that step in his life right now. It's been a year and 8 months since I rededicated my life to God. I quit doing a lot of the things we used to do. I went to church but he wouldn't go. April the 14 I went to prayer meeting and came home to find his dad here and they were sitting in the truck in the driveway. It was a school night, so I took my daughter in to give her a bath and when I finished I came downstairs and my husband was nowhere to be found. I looked outside and his vehicle was gone. I thought he may have gone to get gas or run to the store. I waited 1 hour then 2 and 3. I started calling him on his cell. 4 times I called. I knew something was wrong. I waited up for him and when he came in he looked surprised to find me waiting. Where did you go? I called you, why didn't you answer? he said he had to go drive and think. About what and why was your dad here? Was you talking about us? He said " There is no us". My heart raced I was shaking. To make a very long story short. He says he's leaving me because were on different paths. And he don't want to ask me to quit church and that he's too stubborn to go. So he's finished. It's been a little over 2 weeks. I told him I'm willing to do anything to save our marriage. He says there's no need to try because in 6 months we'll be right back here again. He left to stay with a friend and left me here to take care of everything and his girl. He stops by for 30min to a couple of hours to see her then leaves. I hate to say it but my life has been put on hold. I'm shattered. He wont talk to anyone not even his parents. My 5yr old caught me crying today and said I know you miss daddy, I do too. I've never gone through such pain. I pray everyday for God to bring him back. What now? I feel so alone.