My Negative Husband

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My Negative Husband

by Dana
(CA)

I read part of an article you wrote that emphasizes the importance of not "letting other people's negative attitudes influence yours".

My husband is a strong, born again believer but has always had a, what I call 'hateful' attitude of the world and the situation it is in.

He knows God has a wonderful plan for us, but continues to get angry at the world and the people in it and constantly says that he'll be glad when it's all gone. He is just so negative and I don't know how I am supposed to handle this. He makes me negative about him.

I am a positive person ... I have always been, but he's making it harder and harder for me. I get depressed just thinking about having to stay with him for whatever years God gives us. Can you give me any advice?

Comments for
My Negative Husband

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Negative Eliminator.. NEW
by: Anonymous

I can understand this woman's feelings for I too live with a negative spouse.We are both christians.Those who are not in this situation use the same old line " what if your husband was in an adulterous relationship, or was an alcoholic or drug addict?" Yep what if I had cancer and was dying? He should be grateful I'm not! Since This is not the case and I think we should stick with the issue at hand and that is negativity breeds negative comments that hurts and eventually wears on the other spouses nerves and makes us feel like we are walking on egg shells, to please someone we care about.

When it doesn't happen and they hiss and make remarks that are negative and unkind ..it does effect relationships and family.
Fact is my spouse is controlling and has a temper when even the smallest thing isn't done the way he would like it to be done.

Looking for Change
by: Karen

Hi Dana,

It's so incredibly tough to live with somebody who has an attitude that brings you down, isn't it? I can imagine how hard it is to keep your own attitude in a good place in that situation.

Dana, here's the thing. Unfortunately, you can't control what your husband says, thinks, or does. You can only control how you react to it. You can only make decisions about your own life.

Some people just live to complain and be negative. They aren't happy unless they're tearing down, belittling, or criticizing somebody else's opinion.

Change for these people is very difficult. I think sometimes they've even become addicted to the negative attention that comes their way. Short of a miracle, the only way to make meaningful and lasting change is for them to start working with God to change their thoughts.

Their thoughts determine their actions so it won't help for them to "try hard" to stop the behavior if their thoughts are still negative. And many times, if they seek some help, they can successfully get this under control.

So, that being said, I would strongly encourage you to seek out a Christian marriage counselor who can help you put things in perspective. You might also try explaining to your husband that you're seeking counseling to deal with his negativity and ask him to come along.

If he chooses not to go, I say go anyway. A Christian counselor will help you see things for what they are and will help you sort out your options. At the very least they will give you tools to cope with the situation.

Dana, it's not easy but I see Christian counseling as a way to fight for a happier marriage. It's worth it, you think?

Blessings,

Karen

A Negative Husband
by: Karen

Hi Dana,

I just knew the ladies on this site would give you some great advice. :)

It's so hard to be around negative people, no matter who they are. But being married to one is even more of a challenge.

Being married for 28 years, I can honestly say that trying to change my husband never works. The more I push him to change, the more he resists. But then, I'm pretty sure he can say that about me too! :)

So....since we can't change other people, we have to leave that job up to God. Asking God to change your husband is your first line of defense. He can put people in his path that will make an impact. He will cause things to happen to your husband that will make him see how he's hurting the people around him with his negative attitude.

Praying God's word out loud for your husband is a really strong weapon.

Here is a book that I absolutely love. It contains all kinds of prayers for our husbands.

A Wife's Prayer

Dana, just keep remembering that nothing is too hard for God.

You said your husband is a strong, born again believer and that's a good thing. But being negative isn't a part of that package. God isn't negative, and as born again believers, he expects us to be the examples of positive living.

Since your husband isn't in that frame of mind right now, it's up to you to model what it's supposed to look like. Being positive around him may be the hardest assignment God gives you, but your husband needs to see it in action. He needs to see the positive results that come from it. He needs to see how happy it makes you to be positive.

I know this is all easier said than done. Like I said, I've been married for 28 years and I KNOW it isn't easy. But God needs you to be salt and light for your husband.

Blessings,

Karen

Negative eliminator!
by: Lynn Mosher

The only change that can come about is in oneself. I have a suggestion for you that has worked for me...every time you husband says or does something negative or contrary to your liking, praise the Lord for him. What if your husband was in an adulterous relationship, or was an alcoholic or drug addict? Praise God that he isn't. What would your life be like if he was an unbeliever? Praise God that he is a believer. Also, when your husband makes a negative comment, just say something like...well, praise God that He is on our side, or, praise God we're not like that, or whatever. I will pray you have a change in your attitude so that your husband's negativity will not affect you. Blessings dear one.

having a negaitive attitude
by: Anonymous

dana, it sounds like your husband, is seeing the world as it really is, and in his own way, is rejecting the world system..and the sin therein.
i know how this can impact a positive person, but there is a way to handle this....as i have been in this same situation.

i always remind my husband that we are in the last days, as the bible discribes it, and these things are to be expected...and that as he reads the paper,and listens to the tv news, it just reminds us more and more that Jesus is coming soon. and that Jesus wants us to pray for the people in the world, and try to witness to them, and lead them to christ,those who are in our area of influence.

God bless

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