My Purpose

by Claudia Finklea
(Dallas,Texas)

My name is Claudia. I have had a life full of many life altering experiences. I will do my best to give the short version.

I came from a very well to do family, I am the youngest of three girls. My mother was a alcoholic for most of my entire childhood. My father travel 5 days out of 7 most of my young life but knew the importance of quality time not quanity. My father, who died about 8 years ago instilled in me a great foundation. He taught me that I could have anything in this world if I was willing to work for it. Although I grew up in a well family, I never knew that. My father was older than my mother. He was 50 when I was born. He grew up in the depression and knew the importance teaching me to work for what you want. He could have easily given me anything a kid ever wanted. My family did not attend church but I did from a very young age. I was that kid on the neighborhood church bus. Only me, not my sisters. My sisters are 2 and 6 years older than me. I was saved at a young age, I was about 12, I remember from that point knowing I was different than my sisters, not better just different.

I was married when I was 18 not cuz I had to, more cuz the way i raised you just didnt live with someone. Typing that seems kinda stupid and funny but it was just the way I felt. He was 28 and I was 18 and we worked together. We where not equally yoked but I thought it would be ok. Even when I knew I made a mistake, i felt I made a commitment in front of God and I was gonna see it through. It was very hard for me to go to church without him. I felt people where looking at me wondering where he was, of course they werent but it is how I felt. Now one of my spirtual gifts is faith and nothing could change that but I stop attending church but God continued to nudge me. My first son was born when I was 19. My husband grew up in a disfunctional family, he had no clue how to be a dad. He felt as long as he provided for us that was all he needed to do. My daughter came 2 years later followed by my third son three years after her. I was a single parent in a married relationship. I was misrable. We didnt fight, we where just two different people. I felt God calling me constantly. I always acknowledged him and one day I was driving home and stopped dead in the road in front of a small church close to my home and knew I needed to come to that church with or without him. I later learned that on that very day that church was having a 24 hour prayer marathon about bring people to the church. Funny huh. My husband was saved at that church and we both became involved in the church over the next year. Our marriage wasnt any different but I had made some very close friends and so had he. Just when you think everything is going so well things can go badly quickly. On May 18,2005 my son who was 22 months old was killed in a tragic accident at home. My husband and the kids where there and i arrived just as the ambulance did. I went with them when they rushed my son to the hospital. I was alone but the entire ride to the hospital I made a million promises to God, I tried bargining, everything I had in me. Once we got to the hospital, I was alone in the room and knew nothing about my son at that moment but the presence of God was with me and I had a peace come over me beyond my understanding. He doctor s came in and told me my son did not make it. I think they were a little taken back by my reaction. I was ok. they felt I was in shock. They told me they would clean him up and bring him to me if I wanted and while they did that I could make some calls. When they left me and the presence of God was still with me, everything I had every learned about Gods promises came to me. and I said out loud. This is more than I can bear, You said if I give my burden to you, you will carry it. I am holding you to every single promise you have said. if you are the God I know I need every ounce of what you have. Lots of amazing things happened over the next 24 hours. I spoke at my sons visitation. I had a message, well God did. I was just the messenger. Hear is what I said... God does not promise us tomorrow, only today. He gives us children to be responsible over and we will answer for everything we have done for them one day. Salvation is the only way to heaven. You can not buy your way there. No amount of doing good will get you there. It is only with a personal relationship with God that will get you to heaven. If I could tell you how many lives where changed from my sons death i would but I can tell you many where saved and there lives where forever changed and there salvation changed others. From the moment my son died, God gave me peace. It does not mean I did not grieve cause I did but not the same as most would. I NEVER asked why and in time, God showed me it was my sons purpose to change people. He never was to be any older than 22 mos. God could have stopped the accident but his purpose could not be fullied if he had. my children and I started counseling within a week of our son dying. This was the beginning to the end of my marriage. He was not able to handle our sons death and the more I moved thru the grieving process the more distant he became but I was committed. About 7 months later I was pregnant again and he was NOT happy. I knew but never told him from the very beginning something was wrong with this preganacy. my doctors did every test possible and just said it was my nerves from losing a child but I knew better. On October 3,2006 my son Braden was born and it was apparant from that moment something was terribly wrong. I look at that doctor and said I told you. But from the second he was born that very same presence that was with me when my son died was with me when Braden was born. I didnt know if he would live but I knew it would be ok. It was a long road and even having peace didnt stop me from many times not knowing if the light at the end of the tunnel was the head lights to the on coming train or what! My son was diagnosed with a rare syndrome and we where told all kinds of crazy he wont stuff. Today he is the most awesome 13 year old i could ever ask for. We have challenges but I wouldnt trade him for a million dollars (I do rent him out often though) People have said dont you regret him not being "normal". I always says the same thing, 1 normal is just a setting on your dryer and two he is the way God made him on pupose. He is perfect in Gods eyes and mine too.
There is way more to this story, in short my marriage did not survive. I have had many challenges that followed these events but what never changed is Gods love for me and mine for him. Ive never asked why its more like why not? why not me, what makes me better than anyone.

So to end this story, I have been running from Gods will for my life for a good while and I have finally given in, or gave up running to fully submit. Now Ill tell you what I feel it is, God has given me a testimony, of amazing things and I have to share it. Ive tried to convince God that no one will understand what I am trying to tell them. Who am I, why would they listen to me?

there was a question going with this story and it was so how do you write your testimony?....lol but somehow alot of it just came out...lol seriously speaking how to do fine tune it to a short version and be meaningful? How do you get the chance to share it with groups of people? wow I feel overwhelmed but have no doubt this is what Im suppose to do... any help you can offer?