Naked and Unashamed: Hope for a Holy Marriage

by Alecia Klauk
(Chapin, SC)

Eden was perfect. We have little context for what perfect even means. We do not experience perfection in a fallen world. But Adam and Eve, our ancient Mom and Dad, did. In fact, it was all they knew. Imagine.

They had the inconceivable privilege of walking with God Himself. They experienced absolute transparency with their Maker, with His creation, and with each other.

It is the nature and attributes of that first marriage that has captivated my attention. We have very little pre-fall Scripture on their marriage. But these verses hold subtle but deep truths worth mining:

"For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed." Genesis 2:24-25

Naked and not ashamed. Exposed and not embarrassed. Vulnerable and not afraid. Laid bare and not regretful. Naked and not ashamed.

In those precious few words, we have a new paradigm with which to view marriage. God is giving the mechanism for true intimacy in the relationship that He has designed to be the closest reflection of oneness with Him that we can experience on Earth.

In short, "naked and not ashamed" is a thesis on marriage. What could be more hopeful than a description of marriage from Eden, the place of perfection?

Let's unpack this.

What kind of emotions are excavated out of your heart when you hear the word "naked?"

Discomfort. Aversion. Embarrassment. Avoidance.

Let's take it a bit deeper. Panic. Fear. Terror.

And the question that must be posed is: why? Why are we afraid of nakedness? Obviously, I am referring to something that encompasses but is far broader than mere physical exposure. A nakedness of the soul is what truly terrifies us. I wonder why.

"Why am I afraid to tell you who I am?" John Powell postulates this question in his book of the same name. He answers the question: "Because if I show you who I am and you don't like it, that's all I have."

That deep fear of transparency is so universal. We are so categorically afraid to truly be seen that we avoid people, even those that are made to be the closest, even our beloved husbands.

But we need to do it. Intimacy requires it.

We need to trust that Scripture accurately defines a marriage that had the absolutely unique vantage point of existence before sin. Just think of it! No selfishness. No agenda. No defensiveness or posturing. No attacks or harsh rebukes. No avoidance. No bitterness. No cold shoulders or heated arguments. They were naked ... and peaceful.

So what does it look like? Practically, what does these mean we have to do?

Nakedness requires us to be truly open, honest, real. It requires a willingness to be exposed, which necessarily includes the negative as well as the positive things that are hidden within. Our sin, our fears, our failures, and our dreams, our accomplishments, our victories: all of it.

We need to be willing to allow ourselves to be truly seen and truly known. That's probably a lot of what made Eden perfect: safety in the midst of total, crystal clear, authenticity.

Naked. We can choose to be naked in our marriages.

And not ashamed. These other words in our focus phrase boggle our understanding of human relations. Unashamed. Let's assume we have gotten over the hurdle of being revealed. We have made the courageous decision to unveil ourselves to our man. And so there we stand. Are you getting the picture, feeling the tension?

Time is frozen as we wait to see not only how we will be received but also how we will receive our own vulnerability. Exposure does nothing if not push us.

Adam and Eve stood before one another in total transparency and were not ashamed.

Can you imagine? No avoidance. No anxiety. No doubt. No fear. Only a deep and abiding willingness to be known.

It is only our distance from Eden that makes this picture so difficult to grasp.

But mankind's parents saw each other, received each other, cherished each other, adored each other, and deeply knew each other. I know that we have sin to contend with, which obviously changes virtually everything, but I think we can get tastes of Eden on this side of eternity. I know we can occasionally experience what it was supposed to be like to love another person with intensity and selflessness. It may be rare, but it is quite possible.

I know it is easy at this point to just label me a sugar cookie, overly optimistic Pollyanna. But I feel confident that even though sin changed the world completely, the one thing that corruption does not change, cannot change, is the original plan, the original design, the original purpose of marriage. And I really believe that God can impart that to us now, before perfection is given again in a new Heaven and a new Earth.

We examined why nakedness terrifies us, so we should also look at why Adam and Eve were unashamed. How exactly did they do that?

What does it feel like to be unashamed?

Confident. A relative emotional peace. Inner tranquility. Relief: to longer hide but also still be steady. Instead of "why am I afraid to tell you who I am?" our question becomes "why would I not reveal myself to you?"

We then assume that our man wants to know us, and we want to be known. The posturing and watching that hiding requires is replaced with a peaceful confidence.

Impossible, right? Is it even ok? Is it over assurance in ourselves? Is it brash? Is it arrogant? It may feel so, but it necessarily can't be. Remember, the fall doesn't come until Genesis 3, so being unashamed, and the emotions that comprise that feeling, cannot be intrinsically sinful. There is an alternative.

Here it is, and in it lies the key to accessibility of experiencing, living, even abiding intimacy that can be experienced in marriage:

In Eden, being naked and unashamed was fueled by the intimacy that each member of the union experienced with God. Their primary oneness was with God, and the marriage simply experienced the overflow. And there it is: that is how we can get that taste of paradise now.

How does it work? What does this mean we need to do?

When we are presented with the choice to either hide or risk, we need to risk. We need to be willing to give the deepest places in our hearts to our man and him alone. We need to voice the fear, frustration, and complexity of spirit that accompany our dailiness. We also need to reveal the tiny little moments of triumph and revelation of truth, inviting rejoicing. We just need to be real.

The magic is in the "unashamed." The only way to access that seeming impossibility is to find our home in Christ. He is my security. He is my acceptance. He is my safety. And so my man can offer wonderful additions to that base steadiness, but he can only add. He does not create it, maintain it, or sustain it. He can only add to the depth of what it is already there.

If you want to follow the prescription for marriage laid out in Genesis before sin entered the world, you must necessarily have a oneness with Jesus. We are just too scared and too selfish on our own. We cannot do it. But Christ in us is the hope of glory, and He can equip us for obedience that feels, and in fact is, completely unattainable on our own.

So go fall in love with Jesus more. Spend time with Him. Know Him. Trust Him. Reveal your heart to Him. Know His heart. And find that your marriage is being strengthened day by day because it is being fueled by the Spirit.

We walk around naked with God. It is not an option. He sees it all. He knows it all. The secret with Him is choosing to have a relationship vibrant enough to access the unashamed. There, both naked and not ashamed, we can experience oneness.

In marriage, we can choose to hide. It is an option. We have to deliberately choose to reveal. The secret here is to choose to have a relationship rooted enough in Jesus to access the unashamed. And there, both naked and unashamed, we can experience oneness.

Eden was paradise. Mental images conjure up beautiful gardens, rivers, sunsets, animals: nature's wonders. But I think the best part was the transparency paired with absolute safety. I think that will be the best part of Heaven, the renewed Eden: to fully know and be fully known. If we will choose and trust, we can experience a small taste of that perfection here, now.

Naked and not ashamed. Exposed and not embarrassed. Vulnerable and not afraid. Laid bare and not regretful. Naked and not ashamed.

I'm certain that when you tell your husband that being naked and unashamed is your new goal to make your marriage as close to Eden as possible, you will find nothing but support and affirmation.

Risk it. Try the naked and unashamed heading for marriage, and maybe, just maybe, you'll get a glimpse of paradise.