Relationship with ex boss and friend ended badly am hurting

by susie
(reno )

Four months ago, I had a relationship end that was very important to me. I worked for a graphic designer "e". THings started off great and ended badly. When she hired me she knew I could not do the work she needed done. I was there to learn and I did some admin stuff and errands. E is very difficult and soon got abusive both verbally and emotional- saying I was stupid and to shut the f up. But E also has this really good side to her that is loving, generous, and kind. E hired and fired me a few times over a year and a half. She and I got really close. As time went on she got more abusive. I think E is a little bipolar and has traits of Borderline Personality Disorder. She once told me, " I talk to you this way because my mother talked to me this way". E also drinks too much. I noticed when things were going well between us she would just get angry and push me away- or have someone tell me I was no longer welcome. I stayed far longer than I should have. The reasons I wanted it to work out and why I practically begged her to teach me was that E is very good at what she does- and does what I hope to do one day, I wanted a job to work out, I wanted someplace to belong, and wanted a big sister/mentor- which she could be when she wanted to be.
The last time I worked for her was about 4 months ago. I attended the same social media class with her and things were good. I came into work one day and she got very mean with me and abusive. I lost my temper and told her to, " f**** you, you don't treat me like a person". I went back to talk to her afterward and she got very nasty with me. Two days later I got a nasty e-mail from her basically were she said I was dead to her and making "legal threats" against me. Only two weeks before she took me to a spa and only a week before she said I could come to the office as much as I want and that she would hire me for 30 days! In Novmeber I ran into her at our local university- we were in the same marketing class and she totally snubbed me- just when class was over rushed out of the room with her head down. Last week, I got a call from her wanting info for my 1099 form. She was so rude in the message she left me. I called her back and she was rude- didn't say hi or hello but when I gave her the info just slammed the phone down. I gave so much to E. I really got to care for her. I was not perfect but I tried to show her I cared and gave a lot to her- I spent time with her and we did stuff together. there was some good things between us. But it ended up being very hurtful in the end. The girl that E hired after me- well I found out that she is no longer working there. This girl M lasted about three months and had more experience than me. my heart is broken for what could have been if E could have been different or had a better hold on her temper- if she was not so abusive. I feel sad. I have tried to pray for her. I have a hunch that underneath all that hate she showed me that E is hurting deep down- that hatefulness came from hurt. Oh and around Christmas time I dropped off an ornament and a note on her doorstep and she never replied.