Released from the Prison Bars of Unforgiveness

by Andrea
(Surrey, UK)

Doesn’t it sometimes seem so unfair when the Bible tells us to forgive a suffered wrong when all we want is to see justice done? Yes I remember feeling just that way many years ago. My then boyfriend had ‘dumped’ me and I was hurt. Desperately so.

My initial reaction was to dismiss the episode as a bad dream. I could then wake up, and my heart hammering against its rib cage in protest, could resume to its normal beat. Boyfriend would be smiling at me reassuringly, oblivious of my ordeal in Dreamland, and normal life could resume.

It took no time, however, for my wide-open, disbelieving eyes to confirm that I was very much awake. This was no dream. This was reality, no kidding. I had secured an early release date from this relationship and no protesters had campaigned for it.

Intensive intelligence investigations that included tailgating and a few other fraught acts I can’t afford to divulge, soon got underway. Gosh, I even felt proud of my ‘clever’ detective work, boasting that I would apply for a job with the CIA! Intelligence reports revealed that another woman had appeared on the scene and was now on stage. My stage. So whilst I had been center stage, he had been doing secret auditions behind the scenes.

My heart felt like shattered glass. Whoever said hell hath no fury as a woman scorned couldn’t have been more right. I thought up devious schemes on the best way to make this man pay. All the brain activity going on in my head could have generated enough electricity to power every house in the United Kingdom. It’s amazing how much can spew out of the mind of a desperate woman on the rampage. If anyone was taking this menu order, I wanted this man to experience emotional pain that was slow and painful. The objective was that he was to cry as much as I had.

The young man in question, meanwhile, carried on living his life. Happily ever after according to further investigations - tailgating had ended by then but other scheming ways had been invented. Breaking news reported that he had got hitched to my replacement. Talk about lightning speed! I kept my ears to the ground hoping I would hear news of their eventual inevitable divorce. Z-I-L-C-H!

My life, in comparison, seemed stuck in a muddy rut of unforgiveness.

When asked by His disciples, Jesus said forgive seventy times seven a day (“Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, until seven times: but, until seventy times seven.” Matthew 18:22 KJV). Many of us can’t even forgive once in a lifetime, let alone that many times. Jesus was actually saying He wants us to forgive EVERYONE, EVERY TIME for EVERYTHING all the time.

Someone once expanded this. When you don’t forgive another person, it is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies. Unforgiveness does nothing to the ‘hurter’ but everything to the one who is hurting.

I forgave my ex in the end. Thankfully. I had become so consumed by the hurt, it was now feeding on itself. What with endless scheming, sleepless nights, and a weight loss that would have put Slim Fast out of business, I needed a solution to my misery.

Prior to that poignant moment in history, the moment when I first made the decision to forgive, a trusted friend sat me down and spelled out the downward spiral of damage I was causing myself and my life. Deep down I must have known in my heart I was the only loser. Putting my life on hold, waiting for revenge, was an exhausting job with long hours that had zero rewards and no benefits.

Corrie Ten Boom, the Dutch Christian Holocaust, was quoted as saying “Forgiveness is to set the prisoner free and to know that prisoner was you.” How true. I was stuck behind the bars of unforgiveness, anger and resentment. If I did not deal with unforgiveness head on, I could end up with a lifetime sentence of despair and bitterness. And what would I have gained in the end?

One night, on bended knees with my companion Kleenex tissue box in hand, I wept in prayer. I actually prayed blessings into his life. It was the only guaranteed way to forgive him wholeheartedly. It took every ounce and fiber of my whole being to make that step but it was a vital step to walking free from my prison. The resulting release I felt took me by surprise. I felt so liberated. For the first time in months I slept through the night. Peacefully.

Fast forward to today ... I am happily married, no longer putting make believe pins into make believe dolls. It may have been a different story if I had not let go. Letting go gave me the ability to love again. I may have not been able to trust my lovely husband and have the satisfying relationship I have now if I had not forgiven.

Thank God, thank Jesus I did!