Sexless Marriage

by Stuart

I am 57 and my wife is 63. We had a reasonably good sex life up until a couple of years back. She has gone 'cold' as she describes it. She is a very busy woman, who finds little time to relax at the best of times. She also has got into the habit of going to sleep in the late evening, waking up and going on till 3 and 4am. I too, am up late, but can't wait for her to often come to bed, so this leaves little gap for sex. She does like sex and yet, she dosen't seem to get past this 'coldness' We do discuss this often and we have tried Counselling, but she did not get on with Counsellors, so that is out. She is now trying Herbal remedies, as she is not on HRT Hormone treatment, as Doctors feel she is too old for that. We argue a lot, about other issues in the home at times and that dosen't help, but we do make up and we do love each other. My only sexual outlet is porn, which I control the use of, to only when I need it to get an image to orgasm to. I don't have a conscience about Porn, as a man I feel, must have release of sexual tension, in a situation where a wife feels unable to fulfill her marital duty.

On the occassions when we have had it, it has been ok, except for sometimes when I have had some erection problems, due to it being 4am and I am not relaxed either, but I do have Viagra.

We go for several weeks at a time like this and I really feel at times, I could find sex elsewhere. I do love her very much and would be lost without her, so I really want to get things right with her, but she seems weak to change her nocturnal habits. I try to encourage her in many ways and sometimes just suggest that we lay down and just touch, but time never permits with her. At times I feel embarrassed to keep on asking and I do joke about it, but the pain comes and goes. Lately I have been having vivid sex dreams, that leave me frustrated.

At times I feel quite desperate, please can you advise?