Spiritual Isolation

by Lisa Jackson
(Arlington, TX)

Over the past 20 years I've enjoyed a close relationship with God. I've felt Him and seen Him work and move in my life. There is no comparison to that type of relationship. During the most difficult and trying times of my life I knew He would be there to comfort me and gently put me on my feet again. Four years ago my life began to spiral out of control. I lost my job, was evicted from my home, my 11-yr marriage came to an end and all the while I knew He was there and I would be OK. And I was OK for three years. I felt like I was beginning a new phase of my life and had been given a second chance. But this past year has been very difficult, spiritually speaking.
Beginning approximately September 2009 I felt alone, totally alone. I cannot feel God near me or in my life. I do not feel like He hears my prayers. It seems as if He's abandoned me but I know within the depths of my heart and soul that He would never leave me. He even says so in the Bible. I'm very confused because what I know and what I feel are opposite.
So why do I feel this way? Am I supposed to learn something? Am I supposed to find another church? I feel nothing there now. I have severe Rhuematoid Arthritis and fibromyalgia. Does this tie in to what I'm feeling? I don't blame God for my condition but am I supposed to use it to witness to others or to glorify Him in some way?