Survival

by Debbie Shepard
(Pennsylvania)

I lived in a small town in the hills of Pennsylvania.
My father was an alcoholic and my mother was next to being one, they both drank every week-end.
My 23 siblings and myself all took care of one another, usually the older ones took care of the younger ones.

My father was adopted by a family that owned a Bar & restaurant.

My grandfather would give my father alcohol and make him dance on the bar so people would throw money to my father for dancing for them, he was only 5 or 6yrs. of age.

I will now take you into the life of hell for us all, 23 brothers and sisters.

My father began to physically, emotionally, and mentally abuse my mother and my brothers and sisters.

He would come home late hrs. in the morning extremely intoxicated usually every week-end and sometimes during the week. He most likely became an alcoholic, sad to say by the time he was 10 or 11 yrs of age. He was exposed to it every day.

He would be very agitated at the least little thing, like if he did not have any cigarettes to smoke, he would wake us up to roll him cigarettes with the Buglar machine, papers and tobacco. He would also wet and mess himself and of course we would have to help my mother get him into the bathtub and clean him up.

I remember one time my older brother and myself begged my mother to drown him, we were tired of this every week-end event.He would get so beligerant, obnoxious, foul mouthed and so irate,{side-effects from the alcohol] he would beat my mother fiercely to the point
he was sent to prison for three and half years.

The nightmare was the night he injured my eight month old baby sister, while he was beating on mother, my sister was crying in her crib, my father picked her up and threw her and her little head hit the crib rails.

Susie is now forty two yrs of age. She lives in a Rehabilitation home for children with a handi-cap. she is paralyzed from her chest down. She has no conception of who she is or who we are.

That horrible night he told us all to stop crying, for tomorrow she would be dead and we would really have a reason to cry.

The early morning around 5 a.m. my mother came to the stairway and called for my brother Frank and myself to get up and come and help her. We were so scared, my brother would not even budge out of bed. I saw my mother standing at the bottom of the stairway covered in blood, I begged my brother to get up, I remember saying. Oh my mommy you have a big whole in your head, and Frank you've got to get up to help her or she is going to bleed to death.

We were gripped with fear so bad that we could not function mentally, emotionally or even physically, our little bodies shook to the point we could hardly walk let alone try to talk.

My brother would not budge so I went to help her get the blood off her face and I cried, mommy you've got to get some help or you are going to bleed to death.

There was a large whole in her head,just above her eyes,it would not stop bleeding. She insisted to get my brother up and get him on the school bus with all the other siblings, he was to get off the bus at the neighbors and have them come and get her to take her to the Drs.

My brother did this and here comes the State Police with my mother and brother. I'm not talking one or two State Policemen, there must have been a dozen of them.

We lived on the New York State line even though our address was Pa. they came from both Pa. and N.Y. State.

I remember my father getting up and going into the bathroom and drinking Mennen hair tonic. They took my father out of the house without allowing him to put his shoes on. They put him in one car and my mother in another car.

My oldest brother who was married, living in Corning, N.Y. came to take care of us while my mother was hospitalized. My father was sentenced three and one half yrs. in prison. This story is only one incident, the rest would be too lengthy.

There were different times we would get out of bed two or three in the morning, jump out our bedroom windows to run to the neighbors to call the State Police, My father would be beating on mother.

There were times we went two and three days without food to eat. We did not have the clothing we needed to wear to school. We did not have money to pay for our school lunches and I remember when we went through the lunch line, the workers would only allow us to have a slice of bread and a container of milk.

Our gas was shut off one winter and it was so cold our windows in the upstairs froze and broke out.
My mother came home from the hospital several weeks later. She went to work nights bar tending and did everything she could to keep us together but failed.

We all were put into foster homes, some were placed together but most of us were separated. It was a nightmare. I can not even describe the pain let alone the fear we felt.

I give all the Glory to God for how He protected us or my mother being killed by my father. I could not understand back then but after accepting Jesus Christ into my life was a start. I had to be delivered from the spirit of fear, guilt, loneliness, rejection, condemnation, suicide, etc.

You see, all these spirits had attached themselves to me, I was only eleven yrs. of age when that terrible night happened. There was a preacher that would come and take us older ones to church and Sunday school but I could not even begin to grasp the love of Our lord Jesus Christ.

It took me awhile to be healed from all the tragedies and to be delivered of all the spirits that had attached themselves in me. I was healed and Praise God I was delivered of those spirits. It is a process, there is forgiveness to come in place first, I not only had to forgive my parents but also myself.

I blamed myself because I did not protect my little sister Susie. The Wilks from New York City have a gift from God for Deliverances, and I was at one of their services, right away they picked up on me and called me out to be delivered and I knew, I knew as well as I know my name I had to go through this. I wanted to be set free from all the garbage I'd been carrying from my child hood. I wanted to be used by the Lord to help others.

I give the glory to God I was set free that night and what a freedom, what a blessing!! I mean to tell you, what a difference in my life, not being afraid of every little obstacle that comes my way, I do not allow any fear to take over at all, Jesus gives us a Spirit of love, power, and a sound mind,He does not give us a spirit of fear. He that is in us is greater than he that is in the world. I surely do hope and pray I have helped someone but it is only through the Grace of God and His mercies, which He renews every day. "I Survived a life of hell and have won the victory" all because of Jesus Christ.