The Art of Manipulation

by Zoe Onah

Is manipulation an art? In a way it is. One of my favorite definitions of manipulation is this - to control or plan upon by ARTFUL, unfair or insidious means. Manipulation from a Christian perspective often tries to get an emotional response rather than a biblical one. And who best can be described as emotional? Yes, you got it – us women! And because we are, don't we just know the right buttons to press!


Men are not Remote Controls

But men are no fools. Sooner or later, a man is going to figure out we have been weaving out a manipulation net to trap him or get him where we want him. Men do not like to be controlled. In fact, no one does. Manipulation is totally the opposite of everything Christianity stands for. But just how do we manipulate as women?


The Guilt Game

We all know dating can be a bit of game playing between the two interested parties. The man does the chasing often times and the woman pretends like she has not a clue. Playing the guilt game however is a foul in the dating game.

Guilt games include such things as releasing the tear-timed triggers. As ladies, we know precisely what cue is needed to begin the waterfalls...and don't pretend like you have not been therefore before with some beau, ha! We know how to bend the lips to get the sympathy vote. We know the posture that prompts the, "What's wrong?" questions. Any other woman would see right through these antics but men can be fooled by our mastery...but only for a while.

Fast Tracking to Get up the Aisle

Getting pregnant so a man can marry you is a top rank manipulation game though some "beginners" may be brave to try this level. Yes even among Christians, we can put aside our beliefs and principles just to get what we want. Getting pregnant just to secure a wedding band can backfire. If you don't want to risk getting hurt, as the TV warning says - don't try this at home!

Secondly and more importantly the pregnancy game is not a game for Christian single women. The Bible makes it clear that indulging in things married people do is wrong. Easier said than done, but that is not a topic for today. However if we heed God's Word, pregnancy will not be part of our ploys to get up the aisle! As I said, men are no fools. It is in these sticky situations, you will soon find out what the man is made of, so beware! Instead, let us save a few tear drenched nights.

The Dramatics

We women know how to look G-O-O-D! These days we can buy our beauty literally in the shop. There is help available for anything, practically!

But let's not bat those fake eye lashes and flick those hair extensions with our artful acrylics in such a manner to turn an Arnold Schwarzenegger into a jellyfish, swimming with the current of our demands. Getting a man to stop doing the things he loves doing, or to start doing the things WE love doing are pretty amazing creative stuff. No man wants to be a 'yes' man; he is not the OK button on the remote! If we are especially gifted in these kinds of drama acts, remember there is always Hollywood, Bollywood, Nollywood... a whole host of them eagerly awaiting our auditions!

Manipulation is Nothing New

Manipulation is nothing new. Even in the Bible we read about women who tried to manipulate others.

Delilah was a prime manipulation artist. She asked Samson if he did not love her in order to get what she wanted. If you love me, you would tell me your secret, she said. Samson was already charmed with her beauty and at first tried to resist her. But with Delilah's persistent play of words, Samson, the hardest of men, God's own anointed, had his defense come crumbling down.

Martha tried this M-thing with Jesus. She presented her case in such a way so that Jesus would see that Mary was being unreasonable for sitting idly at Jesus feet while she was exceptionally busy doing dinner.

A simple choice of words was all Martha took to get the guilt game spinning. It was a gamble she took but it did not turn out as she expected. Words such as 'Do you not care?' can be all it takes to twist that person round your little finger.

Obviously Martha knew her intention was to get her sister to help but she chose not to ask her directly. She used Jesus as her target. In an underhand way, Martha was also trying to manipulate her sister by reporting her sister to the Master by her creative use of words. But Jesus was no Samson, He put Martha right. No one can manipulate Jesus. No one can manipulate God!


Influence, not Manipulate

We do not need to be underhanded in order to get the things we want or to trap a man or even get a man. God does not want any person to control another. We are all free agents. Now, that is not to say we do cannot influence.

For example, a married woman may have a strong influence on our husband's wardrobe especially if he is not a dapper dresser. But the word there is INFLUENCE. Not taking over to the point the man does not know if he is coming or going.

To quote a dear woman of God, husbands are the head. Wives tend to be the neck. The neck turns the head. We can turn the head through influence, not by jerking the head through manipulation. Jerking risks breaking the neck which is in effect hurting ourselves.


Yes, We Can!

As Christians let us be open and sincere about our intentions. Let us do away with the mind, blame, guilt, silent treatment and emotional games. If we continue manipulating people, we only make ourselves miserable. We don't need elaborate efforts of manipulation to keep any man hooked. WE CAN take a stand against anything that is wrong in our lives. Let us do away with the theatrics. Just power off the remote. And also ask God to forgive us and help us.

We are already beautiful. Let the men in our lives see this beauty through the fruit of the Spirit at work in us. (see Galatians 5:22-23). Let us use these as our persuasion tools instead!