There's An End to Everything

by Toni
(Ohio)

Death in any form is awful and the loneliness and emptiness that follows can be difficult at best. When someone close to you dies, there is grief, anger, sorrow and later acceptance. The same applies to the death of a close friend but I think that in some cases the grief is more devastating because that person is still alive and wants nothing to do with you.

My experience with the death of a close friend occurred while being stationed in Germany several years ago. I developed a close friendship with a woman several years older than I and it happened because our husbands served in the Army and because of employment similarities, the four of us not only worked together but also socialized and found that we had a lot in common. It was during Desert Storm when fear and separation was the norm of the day; that is about the time when our friendship strengthened even more.

Because our husbands worked long hours and were gone too long into many an evening, we became close and went to many Army functions together and often talked on the phone four hours. We shared hobbies, special confidences and hopes for the future. If it weren’t for God, my husband and this special friend, getting through those turbulent and unsettling times would have been much difficult and demanding.

When she and her husband left Germany, my husband and I helped them with the move, their future plans and wished them well. My husband and I stayed on for another year and then returned to the states—happily to their home town. Her husband helped my husband to find a job at his place of employment and we rekindled our relationship once again.

Then, when my husband and I retired from the military, we went back home to Ohio. They were sorry to see us go, helped us with the move and said that they would keep in touch. I felt that they would, so I went back to Ohio happy in the knowledge that our friendship would continue.

I knew that the distance between us would cause some problems but I still had hope that the friendship would continue. Letters from my friend and phone calls, at first were consistent and supporting but it wasn’t long—maybe about a year or two-- when the calls and letters began to diminish. I suppose I knew deep down that this would happen and that it was normal but still, I was hurt and disappointed—for my friend and I shared so much.

The pain, the awful pain that followed, once I knew deep down that the friendship was over—dead—lingered with me for several years. It stayed with me like a throbbing headache that just wouldn’t go away.

I’ve gone through the death of several loved ones and the pain was hard to get through but there was something about the death of a friendship that was more difficult—knowing that this friend was still alive and wanted nothing to do with me. Sure, the distance was a big part of it but knowing that this person didn’t want to share anything with me anymore, well, I just had a hard time getting through that.

It took me years to come to the conclusion that it wasn’t me—it was her! There was something lacking in her, an unwillingness to give maybe, that made her throw something good away.

Years later, I have accepted that everything in life has an end—especially friendships and that it’s O.K. and maybe even good that they come to an end. Most likely, there are those unworthy of a solid, decent friendship and it is their great loss; for you or I could be the very one to bring that person closer to salvation, God or just plain enjoyment of life!

Now, I have several new friendships and they are going well. However, deep down inside I know that one day they too, will end. And so, I’m enjoying these friendships but with a different attitude residing in me. I now don’t depend on someone else making me happy and fulfilled, for I know that that is up to me. I accept the good times and the sharing and rely only on God and myself for happiness and love.

Copyright Toni Star 2008