Unfaithful in Iraq

by MC
(Washington)

My husband and I have been married for almost a year. After four months of marriage he was deployed to Iraq because he is active Army. I love my husband with all my heart and, although the seperation has been hard, I have completely supported him. About a week ago, I unexpectedly found some emails between him and an ex girlfriend. Although, I keep telling myself that it's not a big deal, I feel so betrayed.I have never had any reason not to trust him, so I was not "spying" on him as he accused. I gave him the opportunity to confess before I actually told him that I knew what had been going on; I told him that I felt he had become more distant and asked if there was anything going on I should know about. He lied.

When I directly confessed what I knew, he became defensive and then remorseful. Communication between us is extremely limited with him being overseas. This adds to my burden because, first, he took valuable time that he could have been communicating with me to talk to someone else. And second, we are not able to sit down face to face and work this out.

My question is not IF I should forgive him, but HOW can I forgive him? I want our marriage to work, but I also want to trust him. First I was hurt but now, the more I think about it, the more angry I become. How do I let go of the hurt and bitterness that is growing inside me instead of letting it drive a wall between him and I?