Yes, it is extremely difficult when you feel like your marriage is hell on earth. God never intended marriage to be this way.
However, that said, every marriage is different. What hell on earth means to one couple might not be a big deal to the next couple.
That's why you see me recommending that people go see a Christian counselor. These people deal with troubled marriages every day. They are able to listen to ALL the circumstances in the marriage, and not just the few issues that people write about on this site in a paragraph or two.
Marriage is and always will be messy and complicated. It would be a true injustice for me or anyone to tell somebody to leave a marriage based on the limited information that we're seeing.
Of course, there are exceptions. I recall one wife who described physical abuse on the site and in that situation, it is always best to leave the situation so everybody can stay safe until things are resolved.
So Zion, I can't really tell you how long is long enough in a difficult marriage. But going to talk to a professional is the first step to help you answer the question.
Blessings,
Karen
Jun 20, 2009
hell on earth or life by: zion
I don't understand how long the women lives with the evil husband? Is that hell or life on earth? God only knows what's going on in marriage life but I don't really understand what is life for if the marriage is like hell
Jun 03, 2009
Thank you by: Anonymous
I just want say that Thelma advised was so sincere. I truly feel she has been there and let God show her that to speak not only to you, but it spoke to me too. I thank God for you Thelma and you wisdom. You have no idea what a blessings you are by sending to the word.
Dec 03, 2008
Thank you Thelma by: Kim
I was having a conversation with my little cousin and it quickly turned sour. After reading your statement you have made it clear to me that a husband will not always be saved when you marry him that it might be for you if God's will to asst. in setting him straight. Prayer is the key to all and we as children of
God need to learn to do it more often. My cousin was saying that it is wrong to marry an unsaved man and that God will never send you an unsaved man. I knew that was wrong beacuse whose to say that he can't give his life to God during the course of you two dating and become saved before you marry. Thank you so much.
Oct 23, 2008
Hi Ad, by: MGie
I agree with Karen about the doctrine. The Bible tells us that it is Gods will that everyone receive His Son, Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. And by the way in the famous verse of john 3:16 it is very clear...... WHOSOEVER.. that's includes all of us who wants that salvation.
Like the story of Joseph.. God had a great plan for the family (brothers) of Joseph. They did evil and where wicked..BUT.. at the end God's plan was reveiled. Joseph choose for forgiveness and faithfulness and his brothers had to admit that the God of Joseph was The Living God.
God always has a mayor plan. Always.
There were times when I saw all the wrongs of my husband and I just couldn't believe that it was happening to me. But now instead of murmuring and complaining God changes my mind and see my husband, like God see him. I pray for him. If you don't pray , you can't love. The first priority must be to be a christian in your home. God has giving us His word. That He has A GOOD FUTURE for us. Let us proclaim His word and thank Him for ALL His promises no matter in what situation you are. Christians Must walk by Faith and not by sight. All visible shall pass away!
When you pray for your husband( a faithfull prayer) there will be things that maybe only you can see that changes. Jeah, those little things. And remain thankfull and God's favour will make your family increase more and more. little by little.
In Christ, MGie
Oct 23, 2008
Ad by: Karen
Hi Ad,
I can't agree with the doctrine you are stating. The Bible is filled with "whosoever will". It says God is no respecter of persons and that what He does for one He'll do for another.
So I have to conclude that salvation is available and open to all.
God, indeed, does whatever He chooses. But the great news is that He chooses to have a relationship with us. He created every single one of us, not just some of us.
AND He created us with free choice. That means we are free to choose God's will for our lives or not choose it. But it is definitely our own choice.
I do agree that simply stating you accept Christ as your Savior does not save you. God ALWAYS looks at the motive in your heart when you do something.
Saying the words is one thing. But truly making the decision deep in your heart to give your life to Christ, well....that's a whole other thing.
When you think about what you're actually doing, you're telling God that you're releasing your life into His hands. You're telling God that you want what He wants.
And no, it certainly isn't easy to give up control. And God does know the difference between somebody that is simply saying the words and somebody that is sincere.
So Ad, I can't agree that God selects only a few to be saved. There is too much evidence in His word to the contrary.
So as for the unsaved husband, it is possible for him to have a conversion in his life. I believe God is ALWAYS calling him and all of us to conversion.
It is never easy to be married to somebody who isn't saved, but God is the One who knows every single circumstance surrounding that situation.
That's why I suggested that a Christian counselor or Pastor get involved to help sort it all out. As a faithful Christian, this person is in a far better position to help navigate the waters.
Blessings,
Karen
Oct 22, 2008
Karen reply by: Ad
I do think there is no difference between the unsaved and the wicked. The Bible clearly states this. If you are not IN CHRIST, then you do not belong to him. Very simple. Churches teach that you can accept Christ, I feel this is a lie. The truth is you CANNOT and WILL NOT on your own seek him sincerely & genuinely. We are all born spiritually dead until he makes us alive in HIM. Then and only then will we have the love of his word, and obedience to him. HE gives this to us. We are found by him. God does all the work of Salvation, we can't just say a prayer and poof we're saved. That's satan's lie. Not by works, it is a gift of God, lest anyone should boast. God does what he pleases, people don't want to hear that. Salvation is for God's elect, not every person on the planet, otherwise there would be no hell.
Oct 19, 2008
unsaved husband ? by: mgie
Hi,
I've learn from Gods unconditional love, to love my husband no matter what. I have made a desicion by faith, that if God command us to do so, is because He has something to learn us. When I ask Him to help me to walk in love, He made me see the bitterniss and selfishness in my own heart. I know it's hard to read this, but when you ask God to show you the mayor plan of your situation, He let you see that if YOU change first, everything sees hopefull and you will see the hand of God. Never forget to be Thankfull in Everything. Not for everything!
In christ Mgie
Aug 12, 2008
To Stay Married? by: Karen
Ad,
I'm not really clear about the evil and wickedness you talk about. There is a difference between not being saved and being evil and wicked.
If you're faced with evil and wickedness every day, then you're in a situation that requires action. There are two things I would say to you.
First, always pray. Your first line of defense has to be to pray. God knows exactly what is happening in your situation and His power is what overcomes evil and wickedness.
Second, go see your pastor or a Christian counselor. You need an objective Christian to help you sort out all that's happening in your life. There are no easy answers and I suspect it will take more than one visit to sort it all out.
But just stay positive as you go through the process and keep praying for your husband.
Blessings,
Karen
Aug 11, 2008
Alternative? by: ad
All this sounds right and good, but do you think that God wants us to live with a wicked husband? Where is our peace, I know that the Lord gives us our peace, but sometimes it gets so hard that all you desire is to be free from the wickedness and evil that you see on a daily basis. Isn't the world wicked enough? How do you cope and endure the waiting, or is God telling us something else about our husband?
Sep 17, 2007
Christian love by: Karen
Hi Elaine,
It's hard to be in a relationship when you're not on the same page, isn't it? You know you're right about your faith, and all you want is for your husband to believe it for himself so you can raise your Christian family together.
It sure doesn't sound like a lot to ask! :)
Unfortunately, life and marriage isn't so simple. It would be great if my husband would agree with me on A LOT of things! :)
The absolute best thing you can do is to be a Christian to him. That means doing all the Christian stuff like being patient, loving, kind, etc.
And, of course, being peaceful when the storms come in your life. And they WILL come.
Showing your husband the benefits that come from living a Christian life will make him want what you have.
And don't forget to pray. A LOT. Pray that God will send someone into your husband's life that he'll listen to.
Just keep on loving him, and keep on showing him how your own relationship with God helps you every single day. Let him see it and pretty soon he'll want it for himself.
Blessings,
Karen
Sep 16, 2007
An Unsaved Husband by: thelmaz trunk
Elaine...
First off i would like to direct you to 1 Corinthians 7:13-16.
This is your scripture for living with an unsaved husband.
Ephesians 5:22 says that we are to submit to your own husband, whether he is saved or not, as unto the Lord. and the Lord will honor the wife for this. Just love him, like he was saved, and if he will permit you to take the children and yourself to church, then that would be great.
if not, then you can train them at home. but remember what it says in 1 Corinthians. The husband is sanctified and the children also because of the believing wife.
Collect a band of believers to hold him up in prayer...and to agree with you, and the Lord will deal with him. Just don't nag him.
I say all this from the Word of God, experience, and 60 yrs of marriage.
