I totally agree with J. Take it from two women that are married to unsaved husbands. Wait on the LORD and be of good courage and again I say wait on the LORD. MY DISOBEDIENT AND FLESHLY DESIRES GOT ME AN UNSAVED HUSBAND. GOD told me he was not my husband and I did not listen. When crying out to him one day regarding my marriage ; GOD told me I chose him and and not him. So, the only thing I could do was stop crying and deal with the situation. My husband goes to clubs and serve his master(the devil)on Fridays and Saturdays. I go to church and worship my master(GOD the father and his only begotten son Jesus Christ)Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Our house is totally divided. NOT STANDIND AT ALL. BUT YET I AM TRUSTING AND BELIEVING GOD TO SAVE HIM. It's not over until GOD says its over. GOD can do anything!!! SAVE MY HUSBAND FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!! AND HAVE MERCY ON ME, YOUR DAUGHTER. HELP ME TO TREAT HIM AS IF HE IS ALREADY SAVED IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE AND NOT OUT OF THE SPIRIT OF ANGER...
Feb 10, 2010
unsaved Husband by: Mgie
Hi there!
This is for every woman in this situation. I have put a comment before about this in 2008. I wrote about God Who change my heart and so on (read below)This is a very sensitive issue. And I don't want to write about as if it is very easy. BUT,I have now a Great Testamony. My husband gave his life to Christ in april of 2009. From then till now I am seeing great this happen in his life, in his character, in our home, in his dealings with the childrens and especially in our relationchip!! It is possible also for you!
Every marriage is unique..every man and woman. You cann't compare them. The only thing you can do is to rely on God .THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS THE SAME!!! When it all begun in the year 2000 I was perplex. " Is this happening to me? " "God what am I doing wrong?" I have ask counsel to some pastors but the answers were different. My husband was very bitter. Speaking bad things all the time. Very aggresive. Hatefull. Bad, bad,bad. I have read so many stories how it can turn alright again but I had NO HOPE for that. (like you...maybe) Till I get tired from fighting and crying and seeing how miserable I am. I tought..."Why am I a christian?" "Is there any Powerfull God. Because I dont need RELIGION. But now I need a LIVING GOD Who can demonstrate His power into my life". I start reading the scriptures and looking for answers ( THE BEST THING TO DO) and asking God to lead me. The first thing God showed me was HIS COVENANT with His people!!! Wow, that was new for me. God made with Abraham a Covenat that He will NOT break. And if we are In Christ than it is also our covenant. It is a covenant of protection, healing, restoration, prosperous on every area of your life...Wow I couldnot believe it ,,but at the same time I thought is this also for us now? And God showed me the next powerfull vers "The rigthious shall live by FAITH" And yeah that was what I needed. Trust in the Lord that He was ABLE to do All what is written in His word. I tell you all reading this.. God can do more than what we pray or desire... We must go back to the BASIC. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But how good are we really? Sometimes we suffered just because only through us deliverance can come to someone else..are we ready to give up self (in faith) to save a whole family? I know this is very very hard. But you must get A REVELATION of GOD to do this. Once you get that revelation, you will get strenght, confident, peace there in the middle of the turmoil of your life. And people will call you a fool or stupid. But you are working on something...and your deliverance will be at hand. I was building my faith on this for nearly four years. And now I have Faith for everything ...and evidence. I can assure you ..like the scripture say.. "Who build his faith in Christ WILL NOT BE ASHAMED" Please dear sister Dare to put everything in Gods Hands.
With love Mgie
Feb 09, 2010
DON'T DO IT!!!! by: J.
TAKE IT FROM A WOMAN THAT IS MARRIED TO AN UNSAVED HUSBAND AND TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE THAT I AM IN RIGHT NOW... TO WAIT FOR THE MAN THAT GOD HAS FOR ME.... DON'T DO IT!!! IF HE ISN'T SAVED NOW, DON'T MARRY HIM.... SAVE YOURSELF YEARS OF DEPRESSION, HEARTACHE, HEADACHE, AND FRUSTRATION, AND MOST OF ALL BAD THINGS CONSTANTLY HAPPENING TO YOU BECAUSE THIS PERSON IS NOT SAVED.... BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT SAVED, THE ENEMY CAN ATTACK HIM, AND USE HIM AGAINST YOU... TRUST ME... MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SUPPORT ME IN GOING TO CHURCH AT ALL.
Jan 20, 2010
unsaved husband by: thelma
Annonymous,
i agree, do not marry an unsaved man....the word says quite abit about that...
but many times women are decieved, by the man, him promising to do that and the other...he knows what to say , and what you want to hear.
i have told my four girls, that when they are dating, and emotions are getting serious, they need to look for "red flags"...look for these things i said...
how do they treat their mother and other women?
are they honest, and do they keep their word?
are they selfish, and think only of themselves, and only being loving when they are trying to get you into bed?
do they show love and respect?
how do they handle their finances? are they in serious debt?
what are their morals?
are they alcohol abusers?
they are all red flags and things that should deter you from making any decisions about marrying.
are they controlling, knowing every where you go?
you have to go together long enough and get to know each other well enough to see if these characteristics show up....
these are just a few and there are many other signs....
God does not want any woman to be abused, or to marry anyone, who they can't have a common,
and complete feeling they are one....
i always say it takes 3 to make a good marriage, and that is you and your husband and the Lord.
some men can be very charming when you are dating have a open, and examining head and spirit....and a lot of prayer before getting married.
i agree with you, God does not want a marriage like you had for his beautiful daughters.
i hope that you are safe now!!!
God bless
thelma
thelma
Jan 20, 2010
to Elaine, in florida by: thelma
Elaine, i will agree with you, it is difficult when the husband will not support you in going to church.
first ask him if he likes the church that you go to now, providing he has gone with you, before.
share with him, about the Lord's coming is very near, or read an article to him about it...not forceable, but just sharing ...and speak to him occasionally about the fact that you don't want him to be left behind, when the Lord come for you and the kids.
i am sure that you are praying about it, so continue, and get some prayer partners to agree with you....
treat him as though he was already saved...lovingly.
Ask the Lord what He would have you do, or say, don't do anything unless you have gotten the Lord's mind on it...
some of these things take time, so be patient, and you haven't said anything about how he treats you, so i am assuming that he is good to you.
ask God if there is something in you that He wants to change....
if the children are having something to do at church, that you want him to see, or invite him to a social...these are first steps.
you said that he grew up in a christian home, but never really excepted the Lord...pray that the things that were taught him, the Lord will bring back to his mind again.
I pray that the Lord will soften his heart, and lead you in the way you should go, and do...
remember submitting only means "to defer to"
God bless
thelma
Jan 20, 2010
living with an unsaved man by: thelma
first i want to thank all of you for your honest responses, to my first article ...
when i speak of submit, since that word is not used in our day, perhaps using the word, "defer to" would be better.
i still believe what i said originally, however there may be some misunderstanding about what i said , in the context of staying with him, or him with you.....this is only if there is no abuse, both phycially and emotionally....God does not ...i believe ...want any of His daughters to remain in a dangerous and abusive marriage...
get some counselling, first and if he won't go, then you need to do what you have to do...especially if children are present.
i hope i didn't give the impression that it was ok to stay in a marriage like that...
only what the scriptures are saying, and if he loves you, and wants to stay with you, and not abusive.
God can change his heart, by bringing circumstances and people into his life that will soften his heart.
i hope i have made my self more clear...
and i hope that Anonymous will read again my comments with a new insight, and understanding.
God bless
thelma
Jan 20, 2010
Thelma, get thee behind me!!! by: Anonymous
Themla, read the rest of Ephesians. It states Ephesians 5:30, within the same excerpt, "for we are members of His body." HIS body, as in the body of Christ. Meaning, Paul was talking to the BELIEVERS in this passage. I sincerely doubt PAUL, of all people, would tell a woman to submit to someone who has NO GOD and then tell the GODLESS husband to operate in the will of God. That passage was two-sided instructions for the husband and wife IN THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!
Secondly, it says "if he is willing to live WITH her", meaning if he is willing to operate within the rules and guidelines of the kingdom, not willing to be a HEATHEN, stirring up satan in your home. If he is willing to go to church, keep the Word of the Lord God first and foremost in your home, to not deter the children from learning and being raised up in the way God wants them to, then they can stay.
If he doesn't want to behave by God's rules and wants to go out, club, party, behave unlike a husband aka "if the unbeliever leaves," then guess what?!? the Bible says, "let him do so." Why?!? Because "A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."
As far as all of you others who consistently tell this woman and other women he's good as long as she's believing, I ask you to read this next passage from 1 Corinthians 7:16 "How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" It's a choice!!! You can pray, you can hope and wish, dream and sow and tithe, but if that man DOES NOT wish to be a part of God's kingdom, then you have to accept that you either 1 - need to divorce him, 2- need to let him go, or 3 - need to leave him be. You have not the power to grant salvation, all you can do is present God and His love and saving grace to him, and deal with his choice. All of this taking beatings, cheating, lying and such is ridiculous. No woman deserves this, and hanging on to someone who does nothing but dish this out is asking for a knife to fall from the sky and split your meatloaf for you - one of the dumbest things you could ever do.
Thelma, you may have been married for 60 years, but your advice is nothing short of one sided, misleading and honestly, going to get some poor woman lumped up.
Jul 10, 2009
unsavedhusband by: Anonymous
i was married to an unsave man, i had patience and i show him so much love, he cheated on me, slap me in the face and threw me out of the house to marry some one else, and he did. pleasedo not marry some one who is not a christian, its a living hell! he had roaming eyes, he flirted at women right in my face, he had no fear of the lord at all.
he wasa player, if it hadnot be for the lord that kept my emotion, i would of gave up, thatswhy is always good to have a personal relationship with jesus, so when those times he hurt you, the lord will heal you. i was strong in the lord, i kept my self pretty, and loose weight and loved myself
because i knew jesus loved me, and that kept me with joy, those kind of men will try tp make you feel like youre doing all the wrong things, its a trick from satan, the lord said be not un equally yoke with unbeilvers,
you are married to satan son, everytime i would mention jesus, he would get so mad, he didnt want to pray, he had no joy, i felt like i was living with a dead man, never smile, and he hated the jesus in me, but i kept on praising the lord anyway. he would stay in a room with the doors closed, you could tell he was fullof the devil,
now tell me, would jesus treat a woman like that.
please please do not marry an unsaved man
his fruits will show later on, but prayer kept me
and reading the lord words, i stayed in my bible
oh, no affection, never say a kind word to me
ran the street so much, that i did not say any thing any more , i just praye for him, he use to look at me like he hated me, i mean, really mean.
did not take me anywhere, did not want me to even go to his church, we had 2 separte church, thank God we had no children together.
obey the lord and what he said,he never told us to marry unsaved people.
Jun 21, 2009
Karen by: Hell on Earth
Zion,
Yes, it is extremely difficult when you feel like your marriage is hell on earth. God never intended marriage to be this way.
However, that said, every marriage is different. What hell on earth means to one couple might not be a big deal to the next couple.
That's why you see me recommending that people go see a Christian counselor. These people deal with troubled marriages every day. They are able to listen to ALL the circumstances in the marriage, and not just the few issues that people write about on this site in a paragraph or two.
Marriage is and always will be messy and complicated. It would be a true injustice for me or anyone to tell somebody to leave a marriage based on the limited information that we're seeing.
Of course, there are exceptions. I recall one wife who described physical abuse on the site and in that situation, it is always best to leave the situation so everybody can stay safe until things are resolved.
So Zion, I can't really tell you how long is long enough in a difficult marriage. But going to talk to a professional is the first step to help you answer the question.
Blessings,
Karen
Jun 20, 2009
hell on earth or life by: zion
I don't understand how long the women lives with the evil husband? Is that hell or life on earth? God only knows what's going on in marriage life but I don't really understand what is life for if the marriage is like hell
Jun 03, 2009
Thank you by: Anonymous
I just want say that Thelma advised was so sincere. I truly feel she has been there and let God show her that to speak not only to you, but it spoke to me too. I thank God for you Thelma and you wisdom. You have no idea what a blessings you are by sending to the word.
Dec 03, 2008
Thank you Thelma by: Kim
I was having a conversation with my little cousin and it quickly turned sour. After reading your statement you have made it clear to me that a husband will not always be saved when you marry him that it might be for you if God's will to asst. in setting him straight. Prayer is the key to all and we as children of
God need to learn to do it more often. My cousin was saying that it is wrong to marry an unsaved man and that God will never send you an unsaved man. I knew that was wrong beacuse whose to say that he can't give his life to God during the course of you two dating and become saved before you marry. Thank you so much.
Oct 23, 2008
Hi Ad, by: MGie
I agree with Karen about the doctrine. The Bible tells us that it is Gods will that everyone receive His Son, Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. And by the way in the famous verse of john 3:16 it is very clear...... WHOSOEVER.. that's includes all of us who wants that salvation.
Like the story of Joseph.. God had a great plan for the family (brothers) of Joseph. They did evil and where wicked..BUT.. at the end God's plan was reveiled. Joseph choose for forgiveness and faithfulness and his brothers had to admit that the God of Joseph was The Living God.
God always has a mayor plan. Always.
There were times when I saw all the wrongs of my husband and I just couldn't believe that it was happening to me. But now instead of murmuring and complaining God changes my mind and see my husband, like God see him. I pray for him. If you don't pray , you can't love. The first priority must be to be a christian in your home. God has giving us His word. That He has A GOOD FUTURE for us. Let us proclaim His word and thank Him for ALL His promises no matter in what situation you are. Christians Must walk by Faith and not by sight. All visible shall pass away!
When you pray for your husband( a faithfull prayer) there will be things that maybe only you can see that changes. Jeah, those little things. And remain thankfull and God's favour will make your family increase more and more. little by little.
In Christ, MGie
Oct 23, 2008
Ad by: Karen
Hi Ad,
I can't agree with the doctrine you are stating. The Bible is filled with "whosoever will". It says God is no respecter of persons and that what He does for one He'll do for another.
So I have to conclude that salvation is available and open to all.
God, indeed, does whatever He chooses. But the great news is that He chooses to have a relationship with us. He created every single one of us, not just some of us.
AND He created us with free choice. That means we are free to choose God's will for our lives or not choose it. But it is definitely our own choice.
I do agree that simply stating you accept Christ as your Savior does not save you. God ALWAYS looks at the motive in your heart when you do something.
Saying the words is one thing. But truly making the decision deep in your heart to give your life to Christ, well....that's a whole other thing.
When you think about what you're actually doing, you're telling God that you're releasing your life into His hands. You're telling God that you want what He wants.
And no, it certainly isn't easy to give up control. And God does know the difference between somebody that is simply saying the words and somebody that is sincere.
So Ad, I can't agree that God selects only a few to be saved. There is too much evidence in His word to the contrary.
So as for the unsaved husband, it is possible for him to have a conversion in his life. I believe God is ALWAYS calling him and all of us to conversion.
It is never easy to be married to somebody who isn't saved, but God is the One who knows every single circumstance surrounding that situation.
That's why I suggested that a Christian counselor or Pastor get involved to help sort it all out. As a faithful Christian, this person is in a far better position to help navigate the waters.
Blessings,
Karen
Oct 22, 2008
Karen reply by: Ad
I do think there is no difference between the unsaved and the wicked. The Bible clearly states this. If you are not IN CHRIST, then you do not belong to him. Very simple. Churches teach that you can accept Christ, I feel this is a lie. The truth is you CANNOT and WILL NOT on your own seek him sincerely & genuinely. We are all born spiritually dead until he makes us alive in HIM. Then and only then will we have the love of his word, and obedience to him. HE gives this to us. We are found by him. God does all the work of Salvation, we can't just say a prayer and poof we're saved. That's satan's lie. Not by works, it is a gift of God, lest anyone should boast. God does what he pleases, people don't want to hear that. Salvation is for God's elect, not every person on the planet, otherwise there would be no hell.
Oct 19, 2008
unsaved husband ? by: mgie
Hi,
I've learn from Gods unconditional love, to love my husband no matter what. I have made a desicion by faith, that if God command us to do so, is because He has something to learn us. When I ask Him to help me to walk in love, He made me see the bitterniss and selfishness in my own heart. I know it's hard to read this, but when you ask God to show you the mayor plan of your situation, He let you see that if YOU change first, everything sees hopefull and you will see the hand of God. Never forget to be Thankfull in Everything. Not for everything!
In christ Mgie
Aug 12, 2008
To Stay Married? by: Karen
Ad,
I'm not really clear about the evil and wickedness you talk about. There is a difference between not being saved and being evil and wicked.
If you're faced with evil and wickedness every day, then you're in a situation that requires action. There are two things I would say to you.
First, always pray. Your first line of defense has to be to pray. God knows exactly what is happening in your situation and His power is what overcomes evil and wickedness.
Second, go see your pastor or a Christian counselor. You need an objective Christian to help you sort out all that's happening in your life. There are no easy answers and I suspect it will take more than one visit to sort it all out.
But just stay positive as you go through the process and keep praying for your husband.
Blessings,
Karen
Aug 11, 2008
Alternative? by: ad
All this sounds right and good, but do you think that God wants us to live with a wicked husband? Where is our peace, I know that the Lord gives us our peace, but sometimes it gets so hard that all you desire is to be free from the wickedness and evil that you see on a daily basis. Isn't the world wicked enough? How do you cope and endure the waiting, or is God telling us something else about our husband?
Sep 17, 2007
Christian love by: Karen
Hi Elaine,
It's hard to be in a relationship when you're not on the same page, isn't it? You know you're right about your faith, and all you want is for your husband to believe it for himself so you can raise your Christian family together.
It sure doesn't sound like a lot to ask! :)
Unfortunately, life and marriage isn't so simple. It would be great if my husband would agree with me on A LOT of things! :)
The absolute best thing you can do is to be a Christian to him. That means doing all the Christian stuff like being patient, loving, kind, etc.
And, of course, being peaceful when the storms come in your life. And they WILL come.
Showing your husband the benefits that come from living a Christian life will make him want what you have.
And don't forget to pray. A LOT. Pray that God will send someone into your husband's life that he'll listen to.
Just keep on loving him, and keep on showing him how your own relationship with God helps you every single day. Let him see it and pretty soon he'll want it for himself.
Blessings,
Karen
Sep 16, 2007
An Unsaved Husband by: thelmaz trunk
Elaine...
First off i would like to direct you to 1 Corinthians 7:13-16.
This is your scripture for living with an unsaved husband.
Ephesians 5:22 says that we are to submit to your own husband, whether he is saved or not, as unto the Lord. and the Lord will honor the wife for this. Just love him, like he was saved, and if he will permit you to take the children and yourself to church, then that would be great.
if not, then you can train them at home. but remember what it says in 1 Corinthians. The husband is sanctified and the children also because of the believing wife.
Collect a band of believers to hold him up in prayer...and to agree with you, and the Lord will deal with him. Just don't nag him.
I say all this from the Word of God, experience, and 60 yrs of marriage.
