Unsaved Husband

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Unsaved Husband

by Elaine
(Tampa, FL)

I'm struggling with my husband. He grew up in a Christian home, but he just never really found it for himself.

I like to go to church and I want our kids to grow up as Christians, but it isn't easy without your husband's help and support.

What are you supposed to do about this?

Comments for
Unsaved Husband

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Feb 03, 2012

physically drained NEW
by: Anonymous

I am married with a unsaved. For the past month I went through alot. Abuse,his drug addiction on his part. Sexually abuse. My home was choas. Now im physically and mentally drained, All I want is peace and time for me. my husband knows I'm tired of it. I pray God will give me wisdom. My unsaved is not using drugs anymore praise GOd!. Positive things came my way after this. Im blessed to have my job.A friend gave me a place to stay for awhile.Once Im back on my feet. And a part time business opend up for me and I met strong women who know the Lord.Right now its just me. Thank you Ladies for listening to me, : )

Feb 01, 2012

Looking for answers
by: Karen

Hi anonymous,

It is so incredibly tough to be in a marriage that is unequally yoked. It's like rowing a boat with both people rowing in opposite directions. How do you ever get anywhere?

Anonymous, I cannot encourage you strongly enough to find a Christian marriage counselor to help you sort out your issues and options. Every day that you continue in your present situation without any help or even an avenue to talk openly about your issues will only lead to more resentment and more stress.

Talk to your pastor. This isn't the first time your pastor has seen or heard about this situation and I'm sure you'll at least hear another perspective.

Anonymous, for the sake of your kids and your own sanity, find somebody to talk to that understands these situations and can give you some tools and some guidance.

Blessings,

Karen

Jan 30, 2012

RE: Am I getting what i deserve???
by: Anonymous

Dear Sister,
There is a book, "Unequally Yoked, A Love Story" that is an amazing book that encourages, empowers and gives strong Biblical support to women of unsaved husbands.
It's written by Christine Carney. She has taught on this subject at ladies' conferences and retreats. It's an outstanding resource for us. You can find it on her website.
Check it out. (I did.)

Jan 29, 2012

Am I getting what i deserve???
by: Anonymous

I have been searching online for books, encouragement and direction for my situation. I am married to an unsaved man. Have been for ten years. We have to little girls now(which he loves dearly). I was saved before I knew my husband, before I started dating my him, and before we were married yet I still said "I do." It has been a struggle since the beginning. I never hid my values and ideas on Jesus. He knew them from the start. I may have compromised more then I should have but he knew where my heart was always. The last few years it has gotten bad. We have grown so far apart. We don't really know or like each other anymore. We do have our moments still. We try to get along if not for anything but for the girls. He has become verbally abusive at times.Does not listen to anything I say. I think alot about how different my life could be without him and his too. But then the thought of my girls not having an mom or dad around daily kills me. For me to think of them being away more then a day kills me.And fear of what they would be taught when I would not be there. I want them to grow up know what a marriage should be like. But WE in by know means are showing them that. And my husband is truly not showing them how they should be treated by a man. I have asked him on many occasions what he would do if he saw a man was treating his little girl like how he treats me what he would do. He never has an answer.I could go on about that but that is not the true issue. He has become so against my faith he refuses to go to church, He doesn't like me reading the girls all the "Jesus" books, He makes comments that I am pushing God on them too much. He has intimidated me so much about Jesus I am uncomfortable to praying with them in front of him or speaking to them about God in front of him. This is because I fear he will start telling them things or put his foot down about me taking them to church or teaching them Godly values and teachings so in a way I do it quietly so he may not notice it. Is this wrong???I feel like I will never be able to be who I am really am in Christ. To feel what I should, to grow into the person I am meant to be. I am not using him as an excuse for my wrong doings or faults but I feel beaten down by him and blocked in other words. I feel as though my life will never truly be what it could be because I have to watch myself with him so much. I also fear for my children's salvation. For their hearts. I knew this from the beginning and now I am having so many regrets.....So am I just getting what I deserve???? I pray night and day for the protection of my girls hearts and for my walk with God. And for his salvation so he may be the spiritual leader this family needs.

Dec 14, 2011

I think I'm giving up or I did
by: Anonymous

It has been a battle for me for years, depression, anxiety... Abuse i think Im giving uP he likes talking 2 other women. I tried everything church, Prayer etc... I am a Christian but I think I'm backsliding... It hurts me so much but I do need time for myself... I want 2 date other men... I know I need 2 put God first at this time it's hard...

Dec 13, 2011

Help for depression
by: Anonymous

Hi, Just found this web page. been married to unsaved man for 38 yrs, i was not saved when we got married. it has been like an unending nightmare. i really struggle with depression alot. i attened church, bible study, i pray, take ownership of my part...things just have gotten worse. A minister once told me that we just have our lot in life and have to live with it. Sometimes i do belive that. Please pray for me that God will give me direction, wisdom, joy and love for all even my husband.

Nov 29, 2011

I found a book that might help
by: Anonymous

There is a book titled "Unequally Yoked, A Love Story" that is a very encouraging book about living for Christ while being married to an unsaved husband. I think what helped me most was finding out that there were women in the Bible that were married to unsaved men and still went out and did great things for God.
It helped me. I hope it can help you.

Nov 10, 2011

what of the one you missed?
by: van Rooinek

May I pose a question to you ladies who knowingly defied God, and entered into an unequally yoked marriage?

If God said, "This man is not the one for you!", either by a still small voice or simply by the warnings of Scripture... and you went ahead anyway.... then....

What do you think became of the good Christian man you were SUPPOSED to marry?

Maybe he's single and miserable, wondering why God never sent him a wife. "Why am I alone, Lord?"

Maybe he eventually found someone else, many years later -- but he still wonders, "Why'd I have to wait til age 38 to marry, when I was ready 22? Why the delay, Lord?"

Maybe he got frustrated with rejection by Christian women, fell away from the Lord, and learned how to be a pickup artist via game theory. He now looks back on his church days with comtempt, and YOU might be the reason.

Say a prayer for him. "Lord, please strenghten, protect and heal the one I was supposed to be with, the one whom I betrayed sight unseen. It's too late for me to bless him, but Lord, please, YOU bless him."

Oct 12, 2011

Anonymous
by: Saved

This is in response to what anonymous wrote. For one thing how can you be so driven for the word of God and start off your comment by judging these hurting women by calling them selfish? Just by that statement alone, i seem to get the understanding that you may not be so happy in your own relationship therefore (misery loves company?) There are plenty of scriptures in the Bible that talks about marriage such as 1 Corinthians, but the word also state's that the Lord has called us to peace. I beleive these women can totally seperate from their spouse and hopefully it will not cause a divorce but that is up to the unbeleiver. The Bible also says that people were stoned for committing adultery, i dont believe anyone is getting stoned today so i understand Anonymous that you want to live by Gods word and thats ok because we all do. But God can also make a way of escape in some cases. So if you choose to get physically, mentally or verbally abused that is your perogative but i will pray that the Lord will show you that he does not wish that for you or anyone else.

Sep 18, 2011

ty
by: Anonymous

Thank u all so much for the great advice and spiritual wisdom...I am gonna take heed it it and put it to use! Thank u so much again!

Jul 14, 2011

Minister married to an Unsaved Man
by: Anonymous

I am the minister that wrote the comment on 1/28/2011. Since that time, I have found out a lot. Women of God, listen to God before making a decision to marry an usaved man. I realize that whether a man is saved or unsaved, they can still be swayed. But what I have found out with this unsaved man, he is not truly willing to change. I have recently found out that he had an affair last year using an alias name. Remember, in January I told you that he was very private, his I-pod was like his bible....he used this to communicate with the other woman. Not only that, but he had a second cell phone, but had the number to his second cell phone forwarded to his primary cell. That way, I would not know that a second cell phone existed....but God will always show you what you need to know. Right now, he calls himself trying to change....without God....he is being a "good boy" right now. Being good is not good enough, because he's dealing with a lot of spirits. Women, listen to God and you will not have to go through the hell I have gone through. I knew that this marriage was not God's will, but I did what I wanted at the time. So, here I am at this point in my life....acknowledging that I can't go any further...not another 9 years...unless he gives his life to God...and I mean in a hurry. Being married to an unsaved man, drains you of your anointing. Because of my trials and all that he was putting me through, I lost my zeal in God. God had to rekindle the fire within me....it's no joke. You can't walk together, except you agree. Ladies you need someone that loves God..if he loves God, he's gonna know how to love you. Don't think for a moment that you can change him...you can't...he has a mind of his own. Wait on God and let God send you the man he has for you. This is a lesson well learned for me.....I will not walk that road again....and I am teaching my girls (ages 17 and 21) about saved and unsaved men. Women, seek God and he will give you a man that loves him and that's after God's heart.

May 31, 2011

Scared to Love, Worse to Marry!!
by: Anonymous

Greetings to everyone, am so heartbroken to hear all tose stories. It makes me wonder why would someone prophes his undieing for you when they do not mean it. Am a 25 year old single saved woman who has never had a relationship with a man because I has never been scared of being hurt ever since I saw my parents worst marriage. This is my 11th year being saved, I convinced my heart not to love any man & my heart has followed suit all these years, I have thought that when I turn 25 I'll feel ready but am more scared now. Dating is not encouraged at my church doctrines as it normally leads to pre-marial-sex). I meet this seems to be a "good guy", he said to me all girls say they are saved & they turn otherwise & fall pregnant out of wedlock, this disappointed me but still he proposed me. He want to marry me I told me I cant be his wife if he is not saved, he says he is, but I cant shake the feeling that he wants to be with me because he knows I never had a boyfriend. he wants us to be in a relationship in order to know each other better, I told him I cant compromise my faith, my salvation, if I do this with him will make me feel like a sinner. What makes me too scared is he will want us to have sex because everytime we meet he always wants us to hug so tight & kiss, Irefuse the kiss. He sends me emails /on facebook / text. Now he is qiuet, am lonely & I miss him especially when am lonely / feeling down @ times I want 2 accept his proposal slowly but my other tells me I'll be making a deal with the devil. Am still scared of marriage, scared that I cant handle a troublesome marriage. My mind is torn into 2, 1 wants to him to get married to someone the other wants him for me. One other thing that makes doubt that he is saved, he does not care about the little things that normally young people want like a wedding day. No day passes without missing him but in all of this am praying for Gods perfect will to happen in my life. There is this one who is came into my life as freind, we meet at the mall, I was on my way to church & wanted to come with, I could saw he is saved the other thing I noticed he is interested in me. he asked me if am married / if I do have kids, I told me am not. We then become good freind, he learnt am jobless & most of the time we would run into each other and he would insist paying for me. I wished him well in exams, he texted me, addressing me as "his ideal wife" I believe anyone who wants me that way would have guts enough to tell me at my face. Am sorry to invade being unmarried, I to learn about marriage, comments have opened my eyes. Trust is vital in a marriage & salvation of the spouse, Am scared & I pray for His perfect Will. Please can I ask this, do I have to be in a relationship before I get married / I can hit it head-on by marring, just ask him to put a ring if he thinks he loves me enough. Not necessarily those two guys above. I pray that it all goes well with you'all fellows in Christ.

Apr 05, 2011

God forgives you
by: Anonymous

My husband of 11 years who I met at church, said he had been saved since childhood and been baptized and came off as a sincere believer, just finally admitted he doesn't believe and does not want me to talk about God to him ever again. First I was shocked horrified and distraught but now I am relieved because it explains his addiction to sports, his disdain of Christians, pastors, and God himself, his selfish behavior, his constant berating of me for all my "faults".

The past 11 years hardly a day has gone by that I haven't regretted saying "I do." My life feels like hell, I haven't any friends, the people at church think I'm a miserable nutcase, and I have seriously considered suicide more times than I care to mention.

Recently I have been going through a study on codependent christian recovery and recognized what drove me to marry this man in spite of the red flags.

The Bible says many things we should and should not do. It says we should not lie. Okay, so I lied last year and then had to ask God to forgive me.

Is it God's best for me to live in hell on earth just so I don't "disobey" one of the supposed teachings of Paul. The odds that my husband will get saved are astronomically NOT in favor of it. He even told me Sunday that "nothing you have said to me will make me believe".

Sounds like time to move on. Let me weigh this out...more years of hell, torture, and living a handicapped life imprisoned for making one innocently misguided decision...or getting rid of the bum and living a fulfilled life in Christ with other believers, worshiping God in fullness, NOT having my joy constantly destroyed by Satan.

Sorry, people, but a loving God would NEVER ask me to stay chained to the devil of my own free will. This scripture passage has been misinterpreted and used to browbeat women for centuries into staying with abusive, hateful men who ruin their spirits and their lives. No thanks. God will forgive me.

Apr 01, 2011

Can't Change Someone else
by: Karen

Hi Lost,

Unfortunately, you already know the answer to your question. You said you are heavy in your heart because you're not married but are living with someone.

My dear Lost, it's not your job to get him to go to church. It's not your job to get him to change. No matter how hard you try, changing somebody else is God's job. You can only work with God to change you.

Marrying this man means you are on your own in your faith. It means you aren't able to build your marriage centered on what God wants for you.

I know what it's like to watch a marriage where only one person is saved. It's tough. I continually pray that God will send someone that will make a difference so that both of them can come to the Lord and be on the same page.

But in your situation, you also have to consider your children. What kind of example are you setting for them? How should they view relationships when they see what you're doing?

Lost, continue to pray. I suspect God is already working in your heart. I pray that you will come to the right decision for you and your children.

Blessings,

Karen

Apr 01, 2011

Lost
by: Anonymous

I have been w/ the same unsaved man for 7 years we have 3 kids I have been saved for the last 3 we are not married and I feel a heavy weight on my heart because of that but on the other hand I have tried and tried to get him to go to church and change his ways I have prayed and prayed do I marry this man and know God will bless us or do I go on my way and be a single mom I am confussed and I have been seeking gods face and asking him to point me in the right direction but I still feel lost????

Mar 15, 2011

Deseparate & don't want a divorce
by: Anonymous

I & my husband are both saved. Recently he lost his sister and has distant himself from me and pretty much anyone who is positive and good in his life. Within the past 3 months, he has left home and stayed gone a few days. He leaves because I ask him to. I do this b/c living with him is unbearable. In the last few months he has changed so & I do not know who he is or who he has become. I do not know what to do. We have only been married 3 almost 4 yrs and have 1 child together and I have 2 from a previous relationship.He has been married before but it lasted a very very short time. I do not know what to do. I need help. I do not want a divorce but he has changed so and I can no longer live with him. He no longer goes to church with us. He has become very cold and nonchalant. Everything else is a priority in his life except for me and the kids. I am trying but it does not seem he is trying to make the relationship work.

Feb 19, 2011

I feel depressed
by: Anonymous

it has been 2 weeks since my unsaved husband and I seperated. I feel bad because I did not tell him I had income from school last year until we filed our income tax 2 weeks ago. He had some resentment toward me from one late payment and expected me to pay him back. He had alot of anger towards me because I was late one payment for his creditcard bill and he expected me to pay him back $1000. This is why i packed up and left.He told me to leave and he didnt want to be with me anymore. I feel he cared only for the money but not to be able to sit and talk about it. It has been hard for me and I miss him. I pray everyday for peace because we are still married. But I dont like his anger, unforgiveness and unfairness. My income is something I earned from school and If we cant sit and discuss our issues that would be great. I pray for God's salvation in my husband's life.

Feb 13, 2011

Stop limiting God ~ my response to you
by: D'Joy

For the Anonymous writer who wrote "Stop Limiting God!" I have one question for you? Are you in an abusive, destructive and unsaved marriage?

You have no idea what it is like if not and you have no grounds for interpreting the character and love of God for his son's and daughter's who are under abusive oppression. My God is a God who delivered his people many times from his enemies! Who were his people's enemies? Those who kept them from worshipping him! Those who wanted to destroy their faith, their lives, their purpose for God's kingdom. God is a jealous God and He will set us free from those who want to chain us so that we can not worship freely in spirit and in truth!

I hope that you will find this love that God has for his daughter's and son's. What do you think it means when he say's he set the captives free!? He set them free from the powers of hell that torment mercilessly and destroy their mind, body, spirit and soul.

God is great, but we are human and there are those who are weary in battle and can not stand up any longer, no matter how they pray, or fast. They break in mental breakdowns, they break in surrendering to ungodly ways of living and decisions, just for the sake of peace.

Maybe your approach to these women could be more along the lines of understanding the battle they are in and praying for their side of the battle to be won, not for their unsaved spouses side to win by demanding they return and die in the arms of an ungodly man or woman.
something to think about,
D'Joy

Feb 09, 2011

MyResponse
by: Anonymous

Good morning!! I wrote the 1/28/11 comment (unsaved friend proposed marriage but staying w/another woman + I know better). Just reporting back--appreciative of the 2/6/11 comment (married unsaved w/God's permissive will). I'll keep checking back for updates and for encouragement--for the 2/6 comment added a bit more strength to my resolve to wait on God. and for the record, this sister is still single, saved, and done with that guy!! Bless God for his mercies are new every morning, and they endure forever!!!! Much love to all out there, and I am still praying for the salvation of the unsaved spouses. God reigns..

Feb 06, 2011

God's Pefect vs Permissible Will
by: Anonymous

Good afternoon ladies,

I have been married to an unsaved man 4 years now. I did consult the Lord before going into the marriage. God spoke to me and said that this man was not for me, for he was very wounded, but because my heart was in the right place,that he would "allow" it. (The only promise I made to the Lord when I became saved was that I would not commit fornication)
Key words are "I will allow it." I already knew that marrying unevenly yoked was not the right thing to do. However, sometimes God will give us permission to do something that is not in his "perfect will." but it is in his "permissible will." I knew that my trials in my marriage would be harder, but I had no idea for what was laying ahead of me! It has been the prayers of the righteous that has kept me saved & in my right mind. I have been struggling in my marriage since day one. For any sister who is thinking of marrying an unsaved man, I say "think again." Believe me when I say, that you want to be in God's perfect will. You may think your relationship is strong, but I urge you to be wise & adhere to the word. Marriage is challenging, enough, you do not want to make it harder by marrying outside of the will of God. You never know what is going to be in that "cup." The enemy hates marriage, the only institution that God has ordained. Don't further complicate it, stay in God's "perfect will."

Jan 28, 2011

MyResponse
by: Anonymous

forgot to add that this is my 1st time on this site--had no clue that it existed..."CHRISTIAN WOMAN WANTS TO MARRY UNSAVED MAN" is what I typed in my Google search field and I selected this site and first thing that I saw was the comment about the minister marrying the unsaved man. God had a hand in me finding this page.

Jan 28, 2011

MyResponse
by:

This is in response to today's last comment (1/28/11)--The writer is a minister who chose to marry an unsaved man. She's been married 9 yrs now. Thank you so much for your response. I've been saved 9 yrs, am a minister, & my ex just told me that he wanted to marry me. He is a good provider BUT he also helps women (selling cars and who knows what else) and we all know that a helping man is all it takes for some women to "fall in love". I was talking too much as well (to other people) about the situation, but I had talked to God and told Him that I'd let it go. 2-3 days later and my mind is racing now more than ever. O-did I mention that he wanted to get married right away & to keep it quiet for a while -to iron out another situation. come to find out that the other situation is female staying w/him. I still have the mindset tht "o, I'm the one that he wants to settle down with", but I know better. I plan on telling him not to contact me anymore, but my mind also just told me to ask God to save & fill him w/the Holy Spirit. and yes, people can talk all that they want to--emotions & feelings are real & alive. I know that I won't marry him, but I also know that my flesh claims to still love him dearly. I want the best, and I know that God has much better for me b/c the 1/28/11 comment would've been my story if I had taken that leap w/my friend. So, I'll just wait my turn and pray that God gives me more staying power b/c this journey is not always easy. and to the lady who wrote the comment, I will pray w/you for your husband's salvation.

Jan 28, 2011

I Believe God
by: Anonymous

I have read a lot of the comments....I am a minister and chose to marry and unsaved man. I have been married almost 9 years.....it has been a ride. He goes to church with me every Sunday, but has an awkward way of thinking. He leans too much on his understanding, and I feel that he does this to justify some of the things he does not want to let go in his life, at times. He is a good provider, he is wonderful to our children....but i have had many restless nights. He is very private. In the past, I have found profiles on dating sites, texting different women...he avoids texting from his cell phone now but uses his i-pod to text from, he disappears some evenings and will not answer my calls..just to show in the wee hours of the mornings...but dare to tell me where he has been, with who or what he was doing. I have dealt with pornography, and God knows what else.
My true advice for my sisters, is to seek the true and living God for directions when planning to marry ANY man. Sometimes, our flesh gets in the way and we don't wait on God. I feel that God be trying to get us to move in a different direction, but we keep pushing the matter....til finally God just steps back and say "have at it!" So, when the issues come and trials start, we have to remember that most of this was of our doing and not God's.
At this moment in my life, God told me to take inventory of my true heart, is it right? I am at a point in my life that I am seeking God for answers and direction. I didn't consult God like I should have when i entered this situation, but I am so consulting Him now. My main concern right now, is for God to save my husband....he does have a soul. God has shown me a lot of why he struggles with these evil spirits....things from his childhood and his past. God is teaching me to stop "talking so much" but pray and fast for his deliverance. I am not here to tell anyone to stay or leave...each one of us has to find our answers through God and His word. It's time to pray for these unsaved men...whether we stay or go...they still have souls...at this point, it's a spiritual warfare, stop worrying about self. Lean unto God. God Bless My Sisters...we will make it.

Jan 17, 2011

unsaved husband
by: Anonymous

I am glad I found this site. We have been married for 14 years. 5 children - his two and our three. Eveytime something goes wrong - he cannot deal and has to leave to go to old faithful - a woman 15 years his senior. He heas left and came back about 5 times. One time he was gone for 2 1/2 years. I know that I allow him to do this - so they say. i go to church faithfully and he asks ' what does that church have over you". It's not the Church - it's Jesus. He was in church before and the devil pulls him away. I just pray for him becuase no ood will come to him and I do not want to seek out for anyone else , even though people are interested. I just pray that he will come back and be the husband and father that God wants him to be. Prophets have toldme to treat him like a King. What? But I have, stopped and started again. But this year, I told him that I was not going to argue with him nor bother him. Becuae I have come to the realization - that you get the same results - by doing the same thing. So change that "thing" to get different results. It isn't easy, but I am yet standing for my marriage.

Jan 12, 2011

unsaved husband
by: Anonymous

I am blessed to share my comment's to all the women who are also married to unsaved husbands. Right now I feel kinda down. I had some things said against me that were not nice. I pray God will help me get through it. Thank you sisters

Jan 12, 2011

One size doesn't fit all!
by: Gina(Pastor)

I would like to say hello to all my christian sisters,
I have read a lot of the comments that was stated concerning this topic about unsaved husbands, and her is mines. Situations in a person's life is their own unique journey, you could even call it tailor made. What God has planned out for one person's life may not nessecarily mean it's also for another person's destiny. In other word, the shoe may not suppose to be on the other's foot so-to-speak. For instance,this marital situation, of course God's desire is for all to marriages to make it. Marriage was really meant for two people walking TOGETHER WITH the author and creator of this union, WHO IS GOD! but, unfortunately is doesn't always work that way. So my advice to all you ladies with unsaved husband, stay safe, don't let know one jeopardize your physical and mental state of mind, if physically abused, RUN! but plan it out safely if your dealing with a psycho, Pray and God WILL SHOW YOU WHAT TO DO, and protect yourself and family through binding demonic spirits, and spiritual fasting(learn about fasting first). Don't let people be your final decision, but Let God lead you. listen to his small still voice inside you on whether you should stay or go, remember I am are not talking about divorce, but sadly, sometimes seperation is needed for the betterment of the relationship(but try every effort, prayer,books,counseling,fasting before this point, please) Lastly, I went through a seperation before, and through it God showed me a lot of my ugly selfish ways, me and my husband stayed in contact, and after 5 years God restored my marriage, he was saved through my life, and we still have disagreements, but Praise God, he does honor God as his Lord now. It's Good if you can stay and go through the storms together, but if that's not possible at the present and you seperate, stay prayful, God can restore your marriage back to the both of you, for the better. But, sometimes it's doesn't always work out that way because God is not going to force anyone to change, he gave us FREEWILL, at that point he will give you better, but MAKE SURE IT'S ALWAYS GOD LEADING YOU AND NOT YOUR OWN UNCLEAN, SELFISH FLESH! read these two scriptures below:
Matthew 17:21, This kind(evil forces)goes not out but,by PRAYER and FASTING. ICorinthians 7:11, Let not a wife depart from her husband, BUT, if she depart let her remain unmarried, or be reconsiled(acceptance,adjust, settle)back to her husband. If the unsaved depart, you are know longer under bondage(your choice)but, God has called you to live in PEACE! Icorinthian 7:15

Dec 15, 2010

for my sisters
by: Anonymous

I understand how you feel, it is difficult when you have an unsaved husband, God is teaching me that the Joy comes from him, I have suffered alot of pain and trials. And it allowed me to go nowhere but pain. For all the women who are married to unsaved husband try not to focus on your problem. Focus on God and your joy and remember your not alone. I am here as a women to be here for you because I care and understand your pain.

Dec 14, 2010

unsaved husband
by: Anonymous

MY husband is unsaved been married for 10 years i'm still enduring the lies ,cheating ,abandonment the roles always have been switched I have 9 children 3 with him I allowed him to take me out of church the first year we were together women have come to our home left letters even calls the house he had 2 children outside the marriage the name he calls me is so horrible he never wants to take care of home always say i dont have enough money or i got something to do so im stuck taking on his an my responsibilites becuase of the hurt an disappointment i have a wall up he makes me feel like he using me now i found a church thats actually teaching the word of GOd he dont want me to go he so angry at the whole church because i found my worth an purpose i learned how to give him to GOD it hard at time because of the non support the lies cheating i find myself not wanting to help me cause he dont help me but my heart wont let me its my flesh that reacts he will spend his money on himself then when its gone he wants mine i always been a giver just started saying no he works i dont God has been my provider his money never last he always in a jam then he wants to talk want me to pray he got laid off for a month i continued to trust GOD i continued to lift him up during that time i found myself getting stressed everything was on me him all the kids i kept praying GOD gave him his job back now he dont even talk to me he sleeping on the couch sneeking on his cell its hard for me to have sex with him i feel so used up he only talk to me asking for dinner my flesh dont want to feed him but i know GOD got me its been a journey for me an my kids they have watched me endure the suffering i thank GOD cause we all in church an GOD using each one of us in the ministry for his glory i just know i'm a winner.

Dec 01, 2010

unsaved
by: Anonymous

I feel like if a person tries to pull you away from God, they are not any good to nobody. I feel like a saved person will ultimately pull an unsaved person into the light rather than an unsaved person pulling a saved person into the darkness. Yeah, the devil is strong but God is stronger. Marriage shouldnt be based on whether a person is saved or not, it should be based on the love they have for each other. So if you love someone to the point where you want to spend the rest of your life with them and they love you the same, I feel like thats only the work of God..

Nov 12, 2010

With God all things are possible
by: NJ

1 Thank God that you are alive and well in Him. Because you are alive it nis well.
2. Be strong in your commitment and confidence in the Lord. Ps 18V 30. As for the Lord his ways are perfect. His word is proven. He is a shield to all who trust in Him.
3. What are you beleiving God for? Tell him very clearly. I hope it is your husband's salvation.
4. If it is then begin yo ask God for peace while you are waiting for the manisfestation of your prayer.
5. Remeber you are not the Holy Spirit. Your job is not to save your husband but to thank God for what He is able to do. Cultivate a thankful spirit. I know it is very difficult when you are hurting but learn to look up to Jesus instead of the hurt that the devil is using your husband to inflict on you.
6. If children are involved you owe them a duty to do everything within your power to create a peaceful atmosphere in the home. Remember you do not want them to duplicate the stress/ conflicts in their own home. With the help of the Holy Spirit you can leave them a godly heritage. Is that not why we became christians? To cooperate with the Holy Spirit to bring to an end all the works of the enemy.
7. If some-one sets up a prayer group for women in this situation. I will be willing to join.
8. God bless you all as you call those things which are not as if they are. " My husband is saved, loves the Lord and is the spiritual leader of our home" amen.

Nov 06, 2010

comment on stop limiting God
by: elizabeth

This is a comment on "stop limiting God" october 15, 2010. I do understand what you are saying, but please understand the position a woman is in when her husband is unsaved and he treats her badly. I am in this situation and I am committed to my husband even though he has told me he does not love me and has told me to go several times. It can be very painful and a christian needs to love these women and be there with their love and support.

Oct 20, 2010

unsaved husband
by: Lynn Forrester

I prayed for my pre=saved husband for 18years....quite a challenge at times but I never ever doubted God's promise that 'you and your household shall be saved''. Not only did my husband convert from athieism but he is now a wonderful Godly man.
Maybe you could get hold of a copy of 'When Jesus Wins Your Husbands Heart' by Lynn Forrester, it will bless your boots off.

Oct 15, 2010

STOP LIMITING GOD
by: Anonymous

Some of you women are truly selfish. Firstly the bible clearly states that God hates divorce, no if and ands and buts about it. The bible also clearly states that a woman is to submit to her husband in everything!!! It does not seperate saved and unsaved. Do you realize there are saved christian husbands who treat their wives like crap? It doesnt matter if he is saved or not you are to be obdient. As for women not having to suffer, where in the bible does it say that any person on this earth would not have to suffer. Do you know how badly JESUS suffered? The bible says a wife MUST NOT SEPERATE from her husband but if she does she is to REMAIN UNMARRIED or be RECONCILED.
There is no such thing as marrying the wrong person, where in the bible does it say that. It simply states what GOD has joined together let no man seperate. If your married, your married, your husband mayb unsaved that doesnt make him the wrong person, GOD can use and change anybody. So thats no grounds for divorce, neither is adultery, in fact the bible never states adultery is grounds for divorce. It says SEXUAL IMMORALITY, which is very broad. And it only states this in Matthew, because of Jewish customs at that time.(do a little research) A marriage bond can ONLY be broken by death.
Read the bible and you will see that it is one big marriage covenant between GOD and his people. God sent JESUS on earth to serve as reconcilation for his beloved bride. IF GOD continues to love us despite our abuse, adultery, rejection, and hatred towards him why would he tell us any different for our own lives.
I would also recommend some of you women read 1st peter about winning your spouse over to christ. It can be done. The bible says EVERYTHING IS POSSIBLE FOR HIM WHO BELIEVES.The unbeleiving spouse is sanctified by the believing spouse. Also if your unbelieveing spouse departs the bible does say let him leave, your are not bound. However you need to find the greek translation for these scriptures. Depart used in the scripture means to give space/not divorce and bound in this scripture means servitude not DIVORCE. So if he leaves your choice is to be reconciled or remain unmarried.
If God can change Saul to Paul, a person who persecuted gOD'S own people why cant he change your unsaved husband. Stop being selfish and stop timing GOD, when he's ready he will do it. Your focus should be on GOD anyways, not what your husband is doing. SO what if Satan is using your husband, dont forget Satan used you a couple times. Who sin is greater??? Also read the definition of love in the bible, love is PATIENT AND KEEPS NO RECORDS OF WRONG.
So for all you women suffering out there fix your focus and realize GOD wants to use you, allow yourself to be usable. PAIN IS INEVITABLE...BUT SUFFERING IS OPTIONAL

Oct 09, 2010

UNSAVED HUSBAND
by: Anonymous

Married 41 years. the Lord had called me about 7 years ago. Its been very hard at times. My husband goes to work and worked very long hours, sleep, go to work, sleep, goes to work, watch sports channels. many times i am thinking I want out of this marriage, i asked myself how can a Christian woman live this kind of life then i read 1 Cor. 7:13-16 there is no escape for my husband he is trapped by my prayers. I am very sincere going to church by myself, i studied the word daily, pray daily and the Lord delivered me many, many, many times. I'm more humble, patience. I read most of the comments and was very encouraged. My husband does drug mariwana.

I pray each day for him and asked God to have mercy on him. now and then he will pray with me he does not join me in church, not yet, hope soon i believe that he will join me in church. i tried to watch his behavior to see if he his having an affair. but he his not. I really believe he does not have peace because he smokes mariwana. Once you are filled with the Holy Spirit bad habits must flee. We cannot give up i strongly believe that the Lord is working in my husband and he his fighting from coming to the Lord. But, the Lord will win. Amen!

Let us pray for all husbands that they will love the wife that God gives them and stay together as a family. The Lord said so. Let us send the power of prayers out to save all marriages. In Jesus' Name.

Hepzibah

Oct 06, 2010

amen!
by: Anonymous

thats all we can do is release our husbands to God, its so much peaceful when we give it all to God. God is working and he knows our battle. women please spend time with God, he will show you what to do to pray for our husbands to love them through differences and pray for patiencefor them!

Oct 06, 2010

Response to Stay Strong Seek God
by: Ginger

Amen Anonymous! We need to release our husbands to God. The Lord showed me that this morning . . . I need to surrender my husband to Him and worry about my own sin, while He takes care of my husband and his sin.

Oct 06, 2010

stay strong seek God!
by: Anonymous

i can relate with everyones comments about our unsaved husbands, Its difficult and all we can do is stay close to God, i know the abuse, verbal put downs, as a women we need to stay connected to encourage and build eachother up when we face hardship. i pray for God's wisdom for us and to pray for our husbands who are struggling in drugs, porno, lust and sin. As we seek God's face may he show us his love to our husbands. Release your husband to God and we continue to seek his kingdom. God will do the rest to change our husbands.

Oct 05, 2010

CONTINUE TO PRAY BUT BELIEVE IT'S DONE ALSO!
by: Tamisha

Good Morning Ladies,

The very thing that we are doing for our husbands....PRAYING FOR THEM! That's what we have to continue to do. Ask God to help you show to your husband the same patience, caring and unconditional love that GOD himself has shown to you.

Remembering where the Lord has brought ME FROM and All that He Endured so that I may live helps me to hang in there with my husband.

Look, we all have a process...Pray as your husbands go through theirs (not saying this will be easy) but the end result IS WORTH THE WAIT!

God Bless You.

Oct 04, 2010

Unsaved Husbands
by: Ginger

I too am married to an unsaved husband. He is a good man, but messed up in many ways and has many issues. He desperately needs the Lord but refuses to have any part of "religion" or God and accused me of being "brain washed." I feel sorry for him because he turns to alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, etc. to ease his pain. I pray he would turn to the Lord and allow Him to free him from the bondage that he is in.

I was saved AFTER I was married. There is a scripture that talks about staying in the situation you were in when you came to know the Lord. There is also a verse that says not to divorce an unsaved husband but if he wants a divorce, let him go. However, I don't believe the Lord wants his daughters to be physically or emotionally abused. So for those whose husbands are abusing them, I strongly suggest that you get some help.

We all need to be praying about our particular situation and be listening for guidance from the Lord. I know that in my situation, the Lord has made it clear that I am to stay where I am. My marriage is not about me, but is about bringing stability and balance to my husband's life. We have been married for 32 years and I have been saved for 20 of those years. It is a struggle some of the time, some of the time it is not. Most of the time I rely on the Lord. Some times, unfortuantely, I rely on myself. That is never a good thing! :) The Lord has shown me that I need to show my husband respect and share Christ's love with him. Believe it or not, this does change things... at least in my marriage.

Please ladies, be praying for yourself, your husband and each other.

God Bless

Sep 13, 2010

married to unsaved man but says he has his own relationship with God
by: marilyn

my hubsand puts me down call me names and it hurt and it make me anger where i am revengeful. i am saved but sometimes i act like i am not. i am tired of the marriage and wont to give up. i only been married fours yrs. and this is my first marriage and i am 53 yrs old. everytime i am willing to try he knock me back down with his words. he dont won't together and be unified.Pray for me!

Sep 13, 2010

Unsaved Husband
by: Valarie

I'm dealing with my husnabd whom isn't saved. He says things to me that really hurts my feeling. I see how he respects people outside of our house hole, but he disrespects me. I'm a child of GOD. I would love for him to turn to GOD as I did, and attend church also. He say's he doesn't have to go to church, because his body is the temple. If his body is the temple why do he curse, watch porn, and complain about people who is less fortune than him. I want my marriage to last but I refuse to step out side of my box, and let him being me down with his ways.

Aug 11, 2010

My Creator is my Husband
by: Rachel

Beloved sisters in Christ
My heart is deeply touched with your comments, both negative and positive ones. I do not want to start complaining, but giving thanks to the Lord for He knows everything, He counts every tear, He loves us so much, He really knows those who trust in Him.
I know that is all so unfair, my situation is. Because I love him so much I've been very abused, but the Lord sees everything.Sometimes I get so desperate that I want to kill myself because the pain is so unbearable...Then I call upon the name of the Lord Jesus, He saves me all the time! Yes, we are fallen people living in a fallen, wicked world. There is no love in the world, no peace. All that we need is in Jesus. This world is do unfair... Remember. What could be more cruel, the greatest injustice that to crucify Him, Jesus Christ, the Son of God? We did it, we mocked him, beated him, crucified Him! And He loved us and forgaved us! He did all for our sakes!What do we deserve? So why do we complain? We are right seeking justice and love, but if weren't by the MERCY of the Lord, we would end up in hell justly.
Sometimes we want a quick solution, a way of escape, but if we love Him, we must ask Him in prayer, all the answers are in the Bible. I used to say, 'I don't know what to do' but always the Holy Spirit showed me in the Word what to do.
I have been learning to humble myself under the mighty hand of God, humble myself. Not what I think, or what I think is right.
If my husband hurts me, he is hurting Jesus, and Jesus forgave him, and I must forgive him too. It is very painful sometimes. I don't know about physical abuse, but I know that wicked words and deeds hurt very much, but the love of Christ is above anything else. He can heal us. We must fight in prayer. Watch and Pray. Keep trusting in the Lord. It is not hopeless, that;s Satan's lie. There is one case here of salvation, there are many cases that I personally know. Remember Saint MONICA, her husband and her son Augustine, the Lord can do the impossible and change the hardest of the hearts. We must do our duties pleasing the Lord, for He is our real husband! I hope soon I can post here that my husband repented and turned to Christ. Glory to God!

Aug 03, 2010

unsaved husbands
by: Karen

Hi anonymous,

Perhaps we can help with your request to join with others to help you pray for your unsaved husband. Stay tuned. I will see if we can put up a special section to help in this important area.

Blessings,

Karen

Aug 03, 2010

I am married to unsaved husband
by: Anonymous

I need to connect with other women who are married to unsaved husbands who can relate what im going through, difficult sometimes, pls i need friends to help me win him to the Lord.

Jul 16, 2010

There IS hope...
by: Mgie

Permit me to write again. I'm very compassionate with all the women who live in a marriage that causes nothing but pain. It break my heart everytime I read these comments. I've been there too. And I KNOW how it feels. If you are in such situation...please take the good advice you read here..AND DO somthing with it. It is fine to know that all over the world marriages are in trouble but that won't help you!!
Our God, JESUS CHRIST, is The God of SOLUTION. He is the Answer. To be marriage was His idea. Not to curse us with it , but to Bless us with it. Marriage is something holy. Don't let the devil mess with your marriage. Don't let him make you believe that it was all for nothing. Put your trust in God. Give your all to Him. Expect everything from Him. Try to find His will in His Word. Ask Him to lead you with His Holy Spirit.

listen, every marriage IS different, and evry husband & wife IS different. There is an answer for you.
I want to encourage you all. Please, don't give up,IF you can get strenght from Jehova Jireh ( The provider of aal things) to stand strong. Put self away, Be obedient. Your husband is maybe a willful toy of the enemy, But he is not the enemy. God loves you both and He wants to help and to deliver him. His heart also break while seeing what you are going trough. Run to Him...and stay there, believe and be patient. THERE IS A REWARD FOR THIS COMMITMENT. This is true Hope: That god will do what He promiss His children.

Dear sisters in Christ and all other women, I want to encourage you. But please don't let the death of Christ Jesus be invain, CALL on His Name. Because His Name has MORE Power than any demonic force who want to distroy your body, your children or your home.
He has saved mine..Glory to Him.

I really care....Mgie

Jul 15, 2010

Did God Tell You To Marry HIM in the First Place?
by: Tamisha

Ladies, We have to ask ourselves "did God order my marriage in the first place"? Did I marry him because he's fine? Did I marry him because all the other women in my church are getting married? Much of the trials we go through in marriage is just because we are out of the will of God. (now am I saying run and get a divorce...NO! Pray for your husbands and consult the Lord for direction) But we have to go back to the beginning.

When things in my marriage get really tough, I can stand on the fact that God told me to marry my husband. How do I know?...because I asked God, I stayed in prayer about it and God answered me in a way that only HE could.

So be sure my sisters in Christ-Jesus Knows Best!

Jul 15, 2010

We're all in it together
by: Karen

Hello to all, and a special hello to Ms Christian Counselor. Thanks for your insight and comments.

You are truly an example of doing what God calls you to do, even if it's difficult. And you are right on the money when you say there is no perfect marriage, even if it is Christian.

The selfishness and "me centered world" is so strong that it seems to surround everything we do and see these days. So to focus on Christ and His version of life, which is the exact opposite of "me centered", takes real commitment.

But oh that commitment provides amazing rewards. :)

I hear from many, MANY Christian women from all over the world who all seem to have the same problem. Their husbands just don't seem to meet the expectations of living as strong Christian husbands. That selfishness shows up in every imaginable way...from infidelity to alcoholism and drug abuse, to out of control spending and abandonment.

It is my sincere wish that I could tell every one of you who struggle in these kinds of marriages that I have some kind of magic pill that would take away all your pain and make things right in your marriages.

But sometimes it isn't about making things perfect, it's about letting you all know that the answers you seek can only come from God. I don't know what His plan is for your marriages, I just know that while He works with your husbands, He will also want to work with you to change you too. And sometimes it's your willingness to make changes that can make all the difference.

As Christian women, we really are all in this thing together. We will continue to fight the same issues as non Christians, and we will be faced with many of the same problems in our marriages. But the difference is that in our case, the battle belongs to the Lord.

Blessings,

Karen

Jul 15, 2010

Christian husbands too!
by: Anonymous

Hello, I am a Christian counselor, myself married to an unsaved man. God has used me to help many other women and marriages because I have chosen to stay in my marriage for 37 years. There have been a lot of things that have gone on that would have driven me crazy, mostly mind games, if it hadn't been for my faith and relationship with Jesus Christ. My husband has not been abusive, but that is only the tip of the iceburg. He does not share his feelings with me, won't work out problems, will never reach out to me when there is a problem, is not affectionate, except for sex. On the other hand he isn't demanding sexually but just withdraws. He's very shut down emotionally and often pulls into himself. It has been very hard because when I have become vulnerable with him, tried counseling, reading books together, etc., and have bared my heart to him, he does nothing different and remains the same. I have been led to stay in this situation and because of that, God has given me a ministry with other women and marriages, through my counseling.

The point I wanted to make is that just because you have a Christian husband doesn't mean things will be easy. We all have flesh and it is only as we have matured and learned how to consistently walk in the Spirit, that we don't live from our own selfish ego. I counsel many Christian couples, including pastor's wives who are living in very difficult marriages, because both partners have not "taken up their cross" and agreed to let the flesh be crucified. They are still living from self rather than their source being the resurrection Life of Jesus Christ. I think every man and woman has a fantasy of what a Christian marriage should be. It takes a lifetime to lose "self" by cooperating with the Holy Spirit. I find in this "me" generation and culture few Christians are signing on to thet type of Christianity. I do not advocate living n an abusive situation but there will be very strong, difficult battles, even if you are a Christian couple until both have learned not to allow their flesh to rule them through their emotions. This can take many years and often couples blame eachother for what God is trying to accomplish to terminate their self-centeredness. in their lives. It can and will still be a spiritual warfare, no matter how godly both partners are. This has been my personal experience and the experience I have had counseling Christian couples for over 25 years.

Jul 14, 2010

I WILL LIFT UP EYES TO THE HILL
by: Anonymous

I HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST 3 YEARS IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY HE IS FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY HE TREATS ME LIKE CRAP.HE NEVER
TAKE ME ANYWHERE.BEING MARRIED TO ME HELPED,HIM GET HIS LICENSE I ONLY GET TO RIDE IN THE CAR WHEN HE TAKES ME TO CHURCH ABOUT TWICE A MONTH. I HAVE LUPUS AND WHEN I LIFED HEAVY THINGS MY CHEST HURTS. I HAVE TO GET ON THE BUS TO WASH THE COMFORTER ON OUR BED. SOMETIMES I WANT TO CRY,
BECAUSE WHY SHOULD I BE ON THE BUS IN THE HEAT OR THE COLD WHEN MY HUSBAND HAS A CAR.I TALK TO GOD ABOUT THIS AND THE WAY I HOLD IT TOGETHER IS BY LISTENING TO MY GOSPEL. IF I DIDN'T HAVE THAT I WOULD COMMIT SUICIDE THAT IS HOW BAD IT IS.I HAVE TRIED BOOKS,TAPES,AND MOVIES TO TRY TO HELP OUR MARRIAGE.SOMETIMES I KNOW I DON'T DO LIKE I
SHOULD,I AM ASKING GOD TO MAKE ME A BETTER PERSON.

Jul 02, 2010

My final plee to the Lord
by: Anonymous

This letter is final notice from me expressing to you that I am resigning from this battle. I must say it did not take me that long to make up my mind about what I want to do because I have really had enough and have finally realised that I can no longer do anything more concerning this matter. Lord it’s so funny because time has gone so quick…I got married at 23 and now I will soon be turning 26. I would love to say that those 2 years have been the best years of my life but I ‘m afraid it has been the worse. I don’t want to live in my past but I can only imagine where I would be now or who I would be with if I had said no to ? and passed him by. He would not even be a thought in my mind right now….but I will remind my self on the scripture that say’s you are Alpha and Omega…the beginning and the end. You knew I would go through this lord….you knew all about it. The tears I would cry, the disappointment I would feel, and the battle I would have to face with my unsaved husband and the fact that out marriage would be on the hit list daily. Wow…sometimes I can not believe its me actually going through something like this.

The fact of the matter is…its not really ? not being saved that is my issue and concern…it’s the state of his heart and mind that worries me. Lord I have held on through life’s toughest storms yet no change on his side. I even thought though everything that he has personally gone through…there would be some slight change in his heart or even a revelation of sin in his life, concerning the hope of our marriage but no change. If anything Lord, I have seen him and his actions just getting worse and through all of that…you spoke and said I should be the submissive wife and try and love this individual….I have done that only to find out he has been using me and going behind my back pursuing some relationship/friendship.

Lord you know my character because you made me and know that I am a loyal person and expect some sort of respect. I can not continue in a marriage that has no respect nor loyalty nor boundaries. You did not create me to be a dog, in fact you created me as a help meet to this man but I am unable to function in my skills because of the inconsistency that comes with his behaviour of one minute wanting me and next not wanting me.

I just cant except this as life any more…….Lord I have tried and still see you as able to do anything.

May 16, 2010

Unsaved Husband
by: R.D.

In response to Elaine's question regarding her situation with her unsaved husband and with her children: I have had to learn the hard way with my husband that because he has really no interest in Christ Jesus, I am now the spiritual leader in my home. Sad and painful... but true. If he doesn't mind you being active in church, go and take your children because they are watching you. They will wonder one day why he doesn't go as my children have and have begun to tell him "Daddy I am praying for you" and " Daddy, Jesus loves you". Because of this he does go to church some, but I must raise my children right and as Godly as I can even if my husband won't go with me. We as women must bear some very painful silent burdens. I just continue to pray for my marriage and my husband. I will continue to pray for you also.

Apr 23, 2010

I KNOW GOD TOLD ME TO MARRY THAT MAN!
by: WITH GOD'S LOVE

Hi Thelma,
this is a great site...I don't even remember how I stumbled accross it but it is right on time with my situation. One day I asked God from my heart to His ears (no one around me could hear)if I was supposed to marry my current husband and not even 5 minutes later my phone rings and the person on the other end tells me...."God said you have alot of questions" and He wants me to tell you that (Blank) is your Husband". I really wanted to hear the answer NO to my question..I have made many wrong decisions before when it comes to relationships and if I had a choice I would not have picked him and it has not been good since we got married. Is This God?

Feb 28, 2010

TAKE IT FROM TWO WOMEN!!!
by: SW

I totally agree with J. Take it from two women that are married to unsaved husbands. Wait on the LORD and be of good courage and again I say wait on the LORD. MY DISOBEDIENT AND FLESHLY DESIRES GOT ME AN UNSAVED HUSBAND. GOD told me he was not my husband and I did not listen. When crying out to him one day regarding my marriage ; GOD told me I chose him and and not him. So, the only thing I could do was stop crying and deal with the situation. My husband goes to clubs and serve his master(the devil)on Fridays and Saturdays. I go to church and worship my master(GOD the father and his only begotten son Jesus Christ)Sundays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays. Our house is totally divided. NOT STANDIND AT ALL. BUT YET I AM TRUSTING AND BELIEVING GOD TO SAVE HIM. It's not over until GOD says its over. GOD can do anything!!! SAVE MY HUSBAND FATHER IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!! AND HAVE MERCY ON ME, YOUR DAUGHTER. HELP ME TO TREAT HIM AS IF HE IS ALREADY SAVED IN THE SPIRIT OF LOVE AND NOT OUT OF THE SPIRIT OF ANGER...

Feb 10, 2010

unsaved Husband
by: Mgie

Hi there!

This is for every woman in this situation. I have put a comment before about this in 2008. I wrote about God Who change my heart and so on (read below)This is a very sensitive issue. And I don't want to write about as if it is very easy.
BUT,I have now a Great Testamony. My husband gave his life to Christ in april of 2009. From then till now I am seeing great this happen in his life, in his character, in our home, in his dealings with the childrens and especially in our relationchip!! It is possible also for you!

Every marriage is unique..every man and woman. You cann't compare them. The only thing you can do is to rely on God .THE ONE WHO IS ALWAYS THE SAME!!! When it all begun in the year 2000 I was perplex. " Is this happening to me? " "God what am I doing wrong?" I have ask counsel to some pastors but the answers were different. My husband was very bitter. Speaking bad things all the time. Very aggresive. Hatefull. Bad, bad,bad.
I have read so many stories how it can turn alright again but I had NO HOPE for that. (like you...maybe) Till I get tired from fighting and crying and seeing how miserable I am. I tought..."Why am I a christian?" "Is there any Powerfull God. Because I dont need RELIGION. But now I need a LIVING GOD Who can demonstrate His power into my life". I start reading the scriptures and looking for answers ( THE BEST THING TO DO) and asking God to lead me. The first thing God showed me was HIS COVENANT with His people!!!
Wow, that was new for me. God made with Abraham a Covenat that He will NOT break. And if we are In Christ than it is also our covenant. It is a covenant of protection, healing, restoration, prosperous on every area of your life...Wow I couldnot believe it ,,but at the same time I thought is this also for us now? And God showed me the next powerfull vers
"The rigthious shall live by FAITH" And yeah that was what I needed. Trust in the Lord that He was ABLE to do All what is written in His word. I tell you all reading this.. God can do more than what we pray or desire... We must go back to the BASIC. Sometimes bad things happen to good people. But how good are we really? Sometimes we suffered just because only through us deliverance can come to someone else..are we ready to give up self (in faith) to save a whole family? I know this is very very hard. But you must get A REVELATION of GOD to do this. Once you get that revelation, you will get strenght, confident, peace there in the middle of the turmoil of your life. And people will call you a fool or stupid. But you are working on something...and your deliverance will be at hand.
I was building my faith on this for nearly four years. And now I have Faith for everything ...and evidence. I can assure you ..like the scripture say..
"Who build his faith in Christ WILL NOT BE ASHAMED" Please dear sister Dare to put everything in Gods Hands.

With love Mgie

Feb 09, 2010

DON'T DO IT!!!!
by: J.

TAKE IT FROM A WOMAN THAT IS MARRIED TO AN UNSAVED HUSBAND AND TRYING TO GET OUT OF THE MARRIAGE THAT I AM IN RIGHT NOW... TO WAIT FOR THE MAN THAT GOD HAS FOR ME.... DON'T DO IT!!! IF HE ISN'T SAVED NOW, DON'T MARRY HIM.... SAVE YOURSELF YEARS OF DEPRESSION, HEARTACHE, HEADACHE, AND FRUSTRATION, AND MOST OF ALL BAD THINGS CONSTANTLY HAPPENING TO YOU BECAUSE THIS PERSON IS NOT SAVED.... BECAUSE YOUR BOYFRIEND IS NOT SAVED, THE ENEMY CAN ATTACK HIM, AND USE HIM AGAINST YOU... TRUST ME... MY HUSBAND DOES NOT SUPPORT ME IN GOING TO CHURCH AT ALL.

Jan 20, 2010

unsaved husband
by: thelma

Annonymous,
i agree, do not marry an unsaved man....the word says quite abit about that...
but many times women are decieved, by the man, him promising to do that and the other...he knows what to say , and what you want to hear.

i have told my four girls, that when they are dating, and emotions are getting serious, they need to look for "red flags"...look for these things i said...
how do they treat their mother and other women?
are they honest, and do they keep their word?
are they selfish, and think only of themselves, and only being loving when they are trying to get you into bed?

do they show love and respect?
how do they handle their finances? are they in serious debt?
what are their morals?
are they alcohol abusers?
they are all red flags and things that should deter you from making any decisions about marrying.
are they controlling, knowing every where you go?
you have to go together long enough and get to know each other well enough to see if these characteristics show up....
these are just a few and there are many other signs....
God does not want any woman to be abused, or to marry anyone, who they can't have a common,
and complete feeling they are one....
i always say it takes 3 to make a good marriage, and that is you and your husband and the Lord.
some men can be very charming when you are dating have a open, and examining head and spirit....and a lot of prayer before getting married.
i agree with you, God does not want a marriage like you had for his beautiful daughters.
i hope that you are safe now!!!
God bless
thelma
thelma

Jan 20, 2010

to Elaine, in florida
by: thelma

Elaine, i will agree with you, it is difficult when the husband will not support you in going to church.

first ask him if he likes the church that you go to now, providing he has gone with you, before.

share with him, about the Lord's coming is very near, or read an article to him about it...not forceable, but just sharing ...and speak to him occasionally about the fact that you don't want him to be left behind, when the Lord come for you and the kids.

i am sure that you are praying about it, so continue, and get some prayer partners to agree with you....

treat him as though he was already saved...lovingly.

Ask the Lord what He would have you do, or say, don't do anything unless you have gotten the Lord's mind on it...

some of these things take time, so be patient, and you haven't said anything about how he treats you, so i am assuming that he is good to you.
ask God if there is something in you that He wants to change....

if the children are having something to do at church, that you want him to see, or invite him to a social...these are first steps.

you said that he grew up in a christian home, but never really excepted the Lord...pray that the things that were taught him, the Lord will bring back to his mind again.

I pray that the Lord will soften his heart, and lead you in the way you should go, and do...
remember submitting only means "to defer to"

God bless
thelma

Jan 20, 2010

living with an unsaved man
by: thelma

first i want to thank all of you for your honest responses, to my first article ...

when i speak of submit, since that word is not used in our day, perhaps using the word, "defer to" would be better.

i still believe what i said originally, however there may be some misunderstanding about what i said , in the context of staying with him, or him with you.....this is only if there is no abuse, both phycially and emotionally....God does not ...i believe ...want any of His daughters to remain in a dangerous and abusive marriage...
get some counselling, first and if he won't go, then you need to do what you have to do...especially if children are present.
i hope i didn't give the impression that it was ok to stay in a marriage like that...
only what the scriptures are saying, and if he loves you, and wants to stay with you, and not abusive.
God can change his heart, by bringing circumstances and people into his life that will soften his heart.

i hope i have made my self more clear...
and i hope that Anonymous will read again my comments with a new insight, and understanding.

God bless
thelma

Jan 20, 2010

Thelma, get thee behind me!!!
by: Anonymous

Themla, read the rest of Ephesians. It states Ephesians 5:30, within the same excerpt, "for we are members of His body." HIS body, as in the body of Christ. Meaning, Paul was talking to the BELIEVERS in this passage. I sincerely doubt PAUL, of all people, would tell a woman to submit to someone who has NO GOD and then tell the GODLESS husband to operate in the will of God. That passage was two-sided instructions for the husband and wife IN THE BODY OF CHRIST!!!

Secondly, it says "if he is willing to live WITH her", meaning if he is willing to operate within the rules and guidelines of the kingdom, not willing to be a HEATHEN, stirring up satan in your home. If he is willing to go to church, keep the Word of the Lord God first and foremost in your home, to not deter the children from learning and being raised up in the way God wants them to, then they can stay.

If he doesn't want to behave by God's rules and wants to go out, club, party, behave unlike a husband aka "if the unbeliever leaves," then guess what?!? the Bible says, "let him do so." Why?!? Because "A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace."

As far as all of you others who consistently tell this woman and other women he's good as long as she's believing, I ask you to read this next passage from 1 Corinthians 7:16 "How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?" It's a choice!!! You can pray, you can hope and wish, dream and sow and tithe, but if that man DOES NOT wish to be a part of God's kingdom, then you have to accept that you either 1 - need to divorce him, 2- need to let him go, or 3 - need to leave him be. You have not the power to grant salvation, all you can do is present God and His love and saving grace to him, and deal with his choice. All of this taking beatings, cheating, lying and such is ridiculous. No woman deserves this, and hanging on to someone who does nothing but dish this out is asking for a knife to fall from the sky and split your meatloaf for you - one of the dumbest things you could ever do.

Thelma, you may have been married for 60 years, but your advice is nothing short of one sided, misleading and honestly, going to get some poor woman lumped up.

Jul 10, 2009

unsavedhusband
by: Anonymous

i was married to an unsave man, i had patience and i show him so much love, he cheated on me, slap me in the face and threw me out of the house to marry some one else, and he did. pleasedo not marry some one who is not a christian, its a living hell! he had roaming eyes, he flirted at women right in my face, he had no fear of the lord at all.

he wasa player, if it hadnot be for the lord that kept my emotion, i would of gave up, thatswhy is always good to have a personal relationship with jesus, so when those times he hurt you, the lord will heal you. i was strong in the lord, i kept my self pretty, and loose weight and loved myself
because i knew jesus loved me, and that kept me with joy, those kind of men will try tp make you feel like youre doing all the wrong things, its a trick from satan, the lord said be not un equally yoke with unbeilvers,

you are married to satan son, everytime i would mention jesus, he would get so mad, he didnt want to pray, he had no joy, i felt like i was living with a dead man, never smile, and he hated the jesus in me, but i kept on praising the lord anyway. he would stay in a room with the doors closed, you could tell he was fullof the devil,
now tell me, would jesus treat a woman like that.

please please do not marry an unsaved man
his fruits will show later on, but prayer kept me
and reading the lord words, i stayed in my bible
oh, no affection, never say a kind word to me
ran the street so much, that i did not say any thing any more , i just praye for him, he use to look at me like he hated me, i mean, really mean.

did not take me anywhere, did not want me to even go to his church, we had 2 separte church, thank God we had no children together.

obey the lord and what he said,he never told us to marry unsaved people.

Jun 21, 2009

Karen
by: Hell on Earth

Zion,

Yes, it is extremely difficult when you feel like your marriage is hell on earth. God never intended marriage to be this way.

However, that said, every marriage is different. What hell on earth means to one couple might not be a big deal to the next couple.

That's why you see me recommending that people go see a Christian counselor. These people deal with troubled marriages every day. They are able to listen to ALL the circumstances in the marriage, and not just the few issues that people write about on this site in a paragraph or two.

Marriage is and always will be messy and complicated. It would be a true injustice for me or anyone to tell somebody to leave a marriage based on the limited information that we're seeing.

Of course, there are exceptions. I recall one wife who described physical abuse on the site and in that situation, it is always best to leave the situation so everybody can stay safe until things are resolved.

So Zion, I can't really tell you how long is long enough in a difficult marriage. But going to talk to a professional is the first step to help you answer the question.

Blessings,

Karen

Jun 20, 2009

hell on earth or life
by: zion

I don't understand how long the women lives with the evil husband? Is that hell or life on earth? God only knows what's going on in marriage life but I don't really understand what is life for if the marriage is like hell

Jun 03, 2009

Thank you
by: Anonymous

I just want say that Thelma advised was so sincere. I truly feel she has been there and let God show her that to speak not only to you, but it spoke to me too. I thank God for you Thelma and you wisdom. You have no idea what a blessings you are by sending to the word.

Dec 03, 2008

Thank you Thelma
by: Kim

I was having a conversation with my little cousin and it quickly turned sour. After reading your statement you have made it clear to me that a husband will not always be saved when you marry him that it might be for you if God's will to asst. in setting him straight. Prayer is the key to all and we as children of
God need to learn to do it more often. My cousin was saying that it is wrong to marry an unsaved man and that God will never send you an unsaved man. I knew that was wrong beacuse whose to say that he can't give his life to God during the course of you two dating and become saved before you marry. Thank you so much.

Oct 23, 2008

Hi Ad,
by: MGie

I agree with Karen about the doctrine. The Bible tells us that it is Gods will that everyone receive His Son, Jesus Christ as Lord and Saviour. And by the way in the famous verse of john 3:16 it is very clear...... WHOSOEVER.. that's includes all of us who wants that salvation.

Like the story of Joseph.. God had a great plan for the family (brothers) of Joseph. They did evil and where wicked..BUT.. at the end God's plan was reveiled. Joseph choose for forgiveness and faithfulness and his brothers had to admit that the God of Joseph was The Living God.

God always has a mayor plan. Always.
There were times when I saw all the wrongs of my husband and I just couldn't believe that it was happening to me. But now instead of murmuring and complaining God changes my mind and see my husband, like God see him. I pray for him. If you don't pray , you can't love. The first priority must be to be a christian in your home. God has giving us His word. That He has A GOOD FUTURE for us. Let us proclaim His word and thank Him for ALL His promises no matter in what situation you are. Christians Must walk by Faith and not by sight. All visible shall pass away!

When you pray for your husband( a faithfull prayer) there will be things that maybe only you can see that changes. Jeah, those little things. And remain thankfull and God's favour will make your family increase more and more. little by little.

In Christ, MGie

Oct 23, 2008

Ad
by: Karen

Hi Ad,

I can't agree with the doctrine you are stating. The Bible is filled with "whosoever will". It says God is no respecter of persons and that what He does for one He'll do for another.

So I have to conclude that salvation is available and open to all.

God, indeed, does whatever He chooses. But the great news is that He chooses to have a relationship with us. He created every single one of us, not just some of us.

AND He created us with free choice. That means we are free to choose God's will for our lives or not choose it. But it is definitely our own choice.

I do agree that simply stating you accept Christ as your Savior does not save you. God ALWAYS looks at the motive in your heart when you do something.

Saying the words is one thing. But truly making the decision deep in your heart to give your life to Christ, well....that's a whole other thing.

When you think about what you're actually doing, you're telling God that you're releasing your life into His hands. You're telling God that you want what He wants.

And no, it certainly isn't easy to give up control. And God does know the difference between somebody that is simply saying the words and somebody that is sincere.

So Ad, I can't agree that God selects only a few to be saved. There is too much evidence in His word to the contrary.

So as for the unsaved husband, it is possible for him to have a conversion in his life. I believe God is ALWAYS calling him and all of us to conversion.

It is never easy to be married to somebody who isn't saved, but God is the One who knows every single circumstance surrounding that situation.

That's why I suggested that a Christian counselor or Pastor get involved to help sort it all out. As a faithful Christian, this person is in a far better position to help navigate the waters.

Blessings,

Karen

Oct 22, 2008

Karen reply
by: Ad

I do think there is no difference between the unsaved and the wicked. The Bible clearly states this. If you are not IN CHRIST, then you do not belong to him. Very simple. Churches teach that you can accept Christ, I feel this is a lie. The truth is you CANNOT and WILL NOT on your own seek him sincerely & genuinely. We are all born spiritually dead until he makes us alive in HIM. Then and only then will we have the love of his word, and obedience to him. HE gives this to us. We are found by him. God does all the work of Salvation, we can't just say a prayer and poof we're saved. That's satan's lie. Not by works, it is a gift of God, lest anyone should boast. God does what he pleases, people don't want to hear that. Salvation is for God's elect, not every person on the planet, otherwise there would be no hell.

Oct 19, 2008

unsaved husband ?
by: mgie

Hi,

I've learn from Gods unconditional love, to love my husband no matter what. I have made a desicion by faith, that if God command us to do so, is because He has something to learn us. When I ask Him to help me to walk in love, He made me see the bitterniss and selfishness in my own heart. I know it's hard to read this, but when you ask God to show you the mayor plan of your situation, He let you see that if YOU change first, everything sees hopefull and you will see the hand of God. Never forget to be Thankfull in Everything. Not for everything!

In christ Mgie

Aug 12, 2008

To Stay Married?
by: Karen

Ad,

I'm not really clear about the evil and wickedness you talk about. There is a difference between not being saved and being evil and wicked.

If you're faced with evil and wickedness every day, then you're in a situation that requires action. There are two things I would say to you.

First, always pray. Your first line of defense has to be to pray. God knows exactly what is happening in your situation and His power is what overcomes evil and wickedness.

Second, go see your pastor or a Christian counselor. You need an objective Christian to help you sort out all that's happening in your life. There are no easy answers and I suspect it will take more than one visit to sort it all out.

But just stay positive as you go through the process and keep praying for your husband.

Blessings,

Karen

Aug 11, 2008

Alternative?
by: ad

All this sounds right and good, but do you think that God wants us to live with a wicked husband? Where is our peace, I know that the Lord gives us our peace, but sometimes it gets so hard that all you desire is to be free from the wickedness and evil that you see on a daily basis. Isn't the world wicked enough? How do you cope and endure the waiting, or is God telling us something else about our husband?

Sep 17, 2007

Christian love
by: Karen

Hi Elaine,

It's hard to be in a relationship when you're not on the same page, isn't it? You know you're right about your faith, and all you want is for your husband to believe it for himself so you can raise your Christian family together.

It sure doesn't sound like a lot to ask! :)

Unfortunately, life and marriage isn't so simple. It would be great if my husband would agree with me on A LOT of things! :)

The absolute best thing you can do is to be a Christian to him. That means doing all the Christian stuff like being patient, loving, kind, etc.

And, of course, being peaceful when the storms come in your life. And they WILL come.

Showing your husband the benefits that come from living a Christian life will make him want what you have.

And don't forget to pray. A LOT. Pray that God will send someone into your husband's life that he'll listen to.

Just keep on loving him, and keep on showing him how your own relationship with God helps you every single day. Let him see it and pretty soon he'll want it for himself.

Blessings,

Karen

Sep 16, 2007

An Unsaved Husband
by: thelmaz trunk

Elaine...

First off i would like to direct you to
1 Corinthians 7:13-16.

This is your scripture for living with an unsaved husband.

Ephesians 5:22 says that we are to submit to your own husband, whether he is saved or not, as unto the Lord. and the Lord will honor the wife for this. Just love him, like he was saved, and if he will permit you to take the children and yourself to church, then that would be great.

if not, then you can train them at home.
but remember what it says in 1 Corinthians. The husband is sanctified and the children also because of the believing wife.

Collect a band of believers to hold him up in prayer...and to agree with you, and the Lord will deal with him. Just don't nag him.

I say all this from the Word of God, experience, and 60 yrs of marriage.

God bless,

Thelma

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